Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Gotham City Digest: Not Ready For Prime Time edition

(Where we promise to never interrupt your regularly-scheduled programming.)

     So, tonight Trumpie the Klown wants to interrupt our entertainment escapism after dominating the news cycle 24/7. A CNN analyst said we should review his speeches in advance then decide whether or not to air it. At first it seemed as if the MSM was finally getting before they all decided to air his speech about his vanity wall. Fuck this fictitious "president" and his fictitious crises.

     So, Facebook's a cult. Gee, what a shock to my system.

     Actual quote from a Trumpanzee: ""He's not hurting the people he needs to be hurting." So, they voted for this sociopath so he could hurt people they don't like (namely brown people)? Okaaaay...

     Pence more or less said Trump got his instructions to build the wall by looking at past presidents on TV whom he thought were speaking privately with him. Remember back in the good old days when we used to actually commit people like Trump?

     Veselnitskaya was just charged with obstruction of justice (good luck getting her into a US courtroom). To paraphrase the old adage, "He who sleeps with Russians wakes up with federal prosecutors."

     I said just a couple of days ago that the shutdown would keep the rich fuck One Percenters from getting their fat tax refunds. I guess Trump got some phone calls from a few well-placed individuals.

     Trump: "Why does everybody want to impeach me?"
     Pelosi: "Nobody wants to impeach you."
     Pelosi should speak for herself. She's already said she doesn't want him impeached (as she said with Bush), which is just one reason why she should not have been made House Speaker again. This was why Trump was so outraged by Tlaib's "motherfucker" comment. He's not used to seeing backbone among Democratic women because Pelosi doesn't have it. This is the meaning of the word "Resistance."

     Fox airhead: Electing Beto president would be dangerous because he doesn't have experience. You mean like electing the reality TV star in the White House?

     Twitter and Thailand found themselves on the right side of the issue of this girl who surely would've otherwise been forced to go back to Saudi Arabia and killed by her father with impunity for apostasy (she renounced Islam).

     Maybe Trumpie the Klown thought a shutdown involved just locking a few doors and turning an "Open/Closed" sign around in a window or two. But his huge tax break for the 1% won't arrive for his well-heeled fat cat buddies. And, oh, poor people will go hungry and get evicted when they don't get their food and rent subsidies. But who cares about them, right?

     Wikileaks to press: "Here are 140 things not to say about Assange."
      Fuuuuuck you.

     Does it really surprise you to know that Trump's pick to lead NASA is an incurious redneck Luddite who doesn't care about expanding human knowledge but does care what goes on in other peoples' bedrooms?

     Trump last month: "We have won against ISIS."
     Trump this month: “ISIS is largely defeated.”

     Trump, last month: "I would be proud to shut down this government."
     "I will shut down the government."
     Trump this month: "It's not a shutdown, it's a strike."
     No, stupid. Many federal workers are working for free. Which is kinda like the opposite of a strike.

     Former Australian PM calls Trump a motherfucker. It IS a catchier name than Individual One, isn't it?

     Trump keeps vacillating between demanding that Congress pay for the wall and that Mexico will pay for it. When will these Deplorable morons catch on to the fact that Trump is just the world's most disingenuous and belligerent beggar? Any street corner panhandler acting like him would have been arrested within an hour.

     This is good news. I'm glad someone finally saw the truth about this Cyntoia Brown case. She was fast becoming the poster child for discriminatory sentencing.

     "I'm shocked, SHOCKED to find out hiring illegals is going on here."
     "Sir, here are your fake green cards."
     "Oh, thank you."

     Christian Bale thanked Satan at the Golden Globes for helping him portray Dick Cheney.

     Does no one consult maps, anymore before spending billions of dollars?

     Ocasio-Cortez's 70% proposal is still a conservative proposal considering the 1% paid 91% toward taxes under Eisenhower.

     So, Ellen DeGeneres is the head of the secret "shadow government", according to Eric Trump. Don't I wish. But this latest conspiracy theory of the Trumps shows how insanely paranoid they are.

     I don't know how I missed this for three days but this is when Mike Pence had to swear in Kyrsten Sinema not on a Bible but a law book. His discomfort was palpable and like ambrosia.

     Only I can disarm the world. Sound familiar? This was Trump in 1987, a guy who can't even get a rump Communist state like North Korea to disarm much less Russia.

     No shit.

     It seems Trump's entire strategy in getting his way is to rely on federal employees' Stockholm Syndrome. Good luck to him, if that's the case.

     So the Trump Train Twitter account attempted a partisan poll. Let's just say it backfired spectacularly.

     Trump claims he loves the military but the love ain't reciprocal as his Pentagon Chief of Staff just tipped out the door.

     Breaking: Billionaire sociopath who just got a $13,000 raise says he can relate to federal workers not drawing a paycheck.

     That damned lib'rul media, always harping on facts.

     Kevin, Steve, what's the difference? In Trump's defense, Republicans really DO all look alike.

     "Judge not the mote in thy neighbor's eye cuz you got a whole forest in yours, you hypocritical fucks." Jurassicpork 12:16

     During the anti-DAPL protests in 2016-7, there was a shadow war going on between activists and corporate private security. This is the story of one of the paid infiltrators, a slimeball named Joel McCollough.

     Mueller saw his shadow and got six more months. Oh, shit, what fresh hell has Mueller dug up now?

     Trump's day on January 5th:
     He attacked the NY Times, calls it "the enemy of the people" and "the Opposition party."
     He attacked President Obama.
     He attacked CNN, calling them (ho hum), "fake news" and "the Opposition party."
     He attacked the media in general for not supporting his wall.
     All by one o'clock. Let's hear it for "Executive time."

      Meanwhile here's Ed Rollins, head of a Trump Super PAC, giving us the last gasp of the Viagra Club by wheezing that Ocasio-Cortez is "the little girl."

     Yeah, we've got a problem and, if no one else, Cyntoia Brown showed us the unfairness in sentencing. White rapists get three months but a person of color gets life without parole for stealing a $159 jacket. Some quick stats: 65% are African American and 16% are Hispanic. Just 18% are white.

     Shorter Trump: "You need to succeed where me and my party failed over the last two years."

     Now Trump's threatening the security of our airports. Hundreds of TSA employees expected to work without pay are calling in sick.

     I've heard about the impending demise of NRA TV. Can someone please tell me what's taking so long?

     Have you ever wondered why Republicans happily drive up the debt and deficit with massive tax cuts when they're in power but suddenly start screaming about Republican-created debts and deficits while Democrats are in power and demand cuts to social safety nets? Thank a right wing scumbag named Jude Wanniski.

     So the guy who fucked a porno actress and a Playboy Playmate then paid them off to keep them quiet while his wife took care of their newborn child is calling a Congresswoman who cursed a "dishonor to herself and her family"?
      Republican hypocrisy 101.

     I'll bet you didn't know Trump's shutdown had a body count. The death toll from it now stands at three, including a 14 year-old girl who fell down a 700 foot canyon.

     Next time you hear your right wing friends try to parrot Trump's talking point that Democrats are to blame for the shutdown, show them this article. It reveals that the day before yesterday, Pence collected six House Republicans and instructed them to vote against any budget measure that would reopen the government without money for the wall.

     Trump doesn't give a shit about furloughed federal workers because "most of them are Democrats.". He's really getting cranky that he's missed playing golf three weekends in a row. His withdrawals are palpable. And finally...

     Republican hypocrisy 102.


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