In Praise of White Men

     Sure, white men have done a lot for this country and the world. They denied women the right to vote for nearly a century and a half, enslaved Africans for 450 years, wouldn't give them freedom until nearly a century after the Declaration of Independence, started all seven Crusades, the Revolutionary War, the Civil War, WWI, The Boer War, the Spanish American War, The Korean War, the Vietnam war, both Iraq wars and the endless war in Afghanistan. They crushed union uprisings, the Civil Rights movement, created the Great Depression, the atom bomb, the hydrogen bomb. brought about the Holocaust. White men starved to death tens of millions of Ukrainians, have overturned democratically elected governments, have polluted the entire planet earth so pieces of ice the size of Rhode Island are calving from the Arctic then hid the evidence of global warming for decades. White men have polluted entire countries then called out paramilitary death squads when the locals rebelled. They also brought about the Great Panic of 2008 that crashed the housing market and other white men rewarded them for their horrible behavior. White men carry out almost every mass shooting since Columbine then fight against the slightest gun control measures. White men created the KKK, carried out countless lynchings, opposed school integration and integrated busing, the IRA and every right wing nationalist, neonazi movement since the Second World War they also created. White men gave us McCarthyism, the Teapot Dome Scandal, Watergate, Iran-Contra and, lastly, Donald fucking Trump and Russiagate.

      Why, if white men keep helping us as they have, they might make it so we won't have to worry about anything else ever again.