My roommate has been battling a cold all week and, on Thursday, I finally caught it. This is the sickest I've ever been since Easter 2010, which is the last time I got sick. I spent literally all day and night on Friday in bed. I can't remember a time when I've been this sick and feeble. And I do not like that feeling. To give you an idea of how sick and weak I've been, yesterday I was heating up a cup of coffee in the microwave and I literally fainted and landed on the floor. I woke up moments later and it literally took me 10 minutes and several attempts before I could stand up. Yes, I fell and couldn't get back up. My roommate was sitting at the table about nine feet away and he never heard me fall down. The only good thing about this ordeal is that it killed my constant cravings for nicotine. The pack of cigarettes that I opened on Thursday still has seven butts in it. Hopefully, this will be the opportunity I've been looking for to quit tobacco permanently. My lungs feel better, if not the rest of my body, so that alone is a good reason to quit.
I never thought I'd ever live to see the day when my government was run by a low-functioning autistic South African who would've been invented by Ian Fleming on a bad day but here we are. Thanks, #MAGA.
I'll bet you're glad I hung onto this, huh. Big Brother?" my kid brother Cecil crowed as we walked in.
We're currently in the Czech Republic, which used to be part of Yugoslavia, and we're now domiciled in the old sex doll factory where Cecil had once housed his adult entertainment talent when he'd ran www.cecilsprays.com, the world's first adult sex chat room. For some reason, the commie feds, when they shut down his operation back in the 90s, didn't see fit to seize this property, which Cecil still owns.
The reason for this, of course, is because of Brian Thompson's shooting in Midtown early this month. No sooner than we got back from my friend Donald Trump's resort in Mar a Lago, I was forced to leave Manhattan yet again, this time in fear for my life. And even though he's not a CEO, any more, and has nothing to fear, it can't be said my kid brother isn't a Blubberpuss through and through. He's always there for his big brother just as I was for him when the stormtroopers of the FBI broke into Cecil's loft in SoHo when he was in mid ejaculation.
Now you'd think that with a city the size of New York City, there would be enough executive and corporate security companies to go around to protect the well-being of the 1% but there you'd be wrong. You see, Thompson was shot just before Cecil and I left Palm Beach and by the time we got back home, all the security companies had been booked up for the next five years.
Now, every executive on Wall Street, seemingly, is being followed by at least one gorilla in an ill-fitting black suit and Ray Bans. After just one day of making frantic phone calls to security contractors, it became all too obvious that it was either hire a low rent, fly by night outfit or leave the country entirely.
On my daughter Bertha's recommendation, I interviewed one outfit that was run entirely by butch lesbian types named Sappho Security. Their company logo looked like a woman in a toga crushing a tiny man in her right fist. Their rates were fine but they more than implied that their focus was going to be Bertha and not Cecil or me.
The last I heard, Bertha was paying them out of her own money. When Cecil and I left the house, kd lang was blasting throughout the brownstone while huge women in black uniforms were moving in suitcases.
So, bottom line, Cecil and I will be in the Czech Republic for the foreseeable future while I try to run my company via cell phone and the country's spotty internet service that may or may not involve diesel or rats running on hamster wheels. The mayor of the village, an old friend of Cecil's who wears a suit that looks like it was made in 1950s Ankara, Turkey, has welcomed us warmly and said he would let us stay indefinitely on condition that I marry one of his daughters, a solid Slavic girl with a very subtle goatee who would put even Bertha to shame and apparently cleans her teeth by chewing on a stick. I politely declined and almost succeeded in not throwing up in my mouth.
But this is what we've been reduced to, when corporate executives have to go on the run like a Brooks Brothers version of The Defiant Ones. We're in the process of rehabbing the old sex doll factory but work has been slow. The people Cecil and the mayor brought in look like the kind of guys you see holding blow torches in the background of an old Nicholas Cage direct-to-DVD movie and I suspect they even have connections to Sebastien Gorka.
One interesting thing was when we found the skeleton of a human foot and we're almost convinced it was the one sawed off by that ungrateful whelp Cecil had rescued from a hostel so he could make good his escape. One of the contractors also found graffiti on the wall that he translated to, "Cecil Blubberpuss will lose interest in you the minute you start growing facial hair," a point to which even Cecil had to concede.
So now I'm trying to conduct business on the casket of a Kosovo war victim that I'm using as a desk. I have no idea when I'll be able to come back stateside and start working out of my own office on Wall Street again. In the meantime, my first official act is to order my employees still working from home to get back to the office or else.
The liberal pinhead who runs this sewer of a blog calls me a hypocrite but I disagree.
But since arriving at the Czech Republic, I feel somewhat safer, although I'm a little on edge looking through the large open concrete doorway. We seem to have attracted the liveliest interest of a one-footed middle-aged man on a crutch who's looking at us with intense loathing.
This is looking more and more like the Anschluss of 1938.
No, scumbag, praying is not "all we can do." We can try, you know, gun control.Whoever's
behind all these drones in the NY/NJ area, five will get you ten either
the Russians or the Chinese are behind it. But since there are tens of
thousands of drones that are used across the US every day, I'm wondering
why these have been getting so much attention over the past week.So, is Musk going to illegally interfere in Canada's elections, too?Oh, yeah. MUCH more prestigious than being a congressman or Attorney General.Shorter Atrium: "Please don't shoot our CEO."Any Greek chorus arising from this would be very entertaining to listen to. He probably thought there were only 10 countries, including Russia, China, North Korea and Puerto Rico.
Oh, yes. Comer doesn't have nearly the same gravitas as the orange
buffoon who talked about Arnold Palmer's penis for 12 straight minutes.
The judge himself defined the digital assault as a form of rape. So fuck ABC and their belly up obsequience. They should've fought his bullshit lawsuit.
I hate myself for saying this but I have to agree with everything Rand Paul said in this article.
"An innocent man"?! Is he fucking kidding? He made a fortune denying
sick people their claims. Fuck you, he was innocent. And, regarding his
family? He wasn't even living with them when he was shot down like a dog
in the street. Even his own wife couldn't stand living with him.
Uh, I thought the Trump Organization was under receivership.Shorter NC GOP: "Fuck the vox populi." Because appeasement worked so well for Neville Chamberlain in 1938. Wray
showing his belly to Trump disgusts me. Tyrants will not and cannot be
appeased. History teaches us this time and again. And finally... Rick Wilson's right. Trump's legislative agenda will be a bloodbath the minute he tries to pass another ruinous round of tax cuts.
Imagine this picture in every FBI field office and resident agency.
Partly for research for another Scott Carson novel, partly for enjoyment, I just started reading DAMNATION ISLAND by Stacy Horn, which details the horrors of Blackwell's Island in the 19th century. The lunatic asylum in particular and Blackwell's Island as a whole was put on notice by the legendary journalist Nellie Bly in 1887.
Bly, newly-arrived in New York City, went right to work for Joseph Pulitzer's World and one of her first assignments was to get into Blackwell's Island (Now Roosevelt Island) in an undercover capacity. So she faked insanity, promptly got herself committed to Blackwell's Island's lunatic asylum and accumulated information about the place for 10 days. She was examined by no fewer than eight different psychiatrists and each one came up with a different diagnosis.
That experience would become a bombshell of six articles that Bly would later turn into a book, Ten Days in a Madhouse. It resulted in the state legislature in Albany allocating nearly a million dollars to upgrade and modernize every lunatic asylum in New York State, starting with Blackwell's Island. Bly's undercover work still stands, in my opinion, as the single most heroic effort in the history of American journalism.
But Bly's experience 137 years ago served to show just how easily one person could get committed to a lunatic asylum even when, based on today's thresholds, there was no reason for it.
Nowadays, it's obvious America's once again devolved and that, far from being justly institutionalized, some of the most rabidly insane people in the country are being given positions of power in the incoming government, starting with Trump himself.
Along with RFK Jr, one of the most clearly insane nominees to Trump's kakistocracy of a government is Kash Patel, Trump's pick to lead the FBI.
Patel started out as an obscure staffer working for Devin Nunes, now the CEO of Truth Social. Subsequently, he served as Chief of Staff to acting Secretary of DefenseChristopher C. Miller, and senior advisor to the acting director of national intelligenceRichard Grenell. Believe it or not, he used to be a federal prosecutor (Then again, so was Giuliani).
But Patel has no background in law enforcement nor has he run an agency as vast as the FBI. It's obvious that Trump wants to shoehorn him into the Hoover Building to "own the libs" but primarily to use him as a pimpstick to go after his perceived enemies, starting with those in the FBI. Trump may be incipiently demented but he's still with it enough to recognize a dangerous Fifth Columnist when he sees one.
As with so many in Trump's orbit, Patel is a foaming-at-the-mouth conspiracy theorist, the most dangerous kind- A true believer who also happens to be criminally insane. When he wasn't writing children's books about how poor Donald Trump was wronged (The first book has the fantastic opening line, "Once upon a time, in the Land of the Free, there lived a wizard called Kash the Distinguished Discoverer."), he's been railing about the "deep state", even drawing up a list of 60 people in his book, Government Gangsters, that he accused of being deep staters (Among them were Bill Barr and Robert Hur).
He also spouts conspiracy theories about the 2020 election and the COVID-19 pandemic. In true MAGA form, he also sold supplements to counteract the beneficial effects of COVID vaccines. He also sells wine, MAGA clothes, playing cards and other crap, including his books.
But what probably permanently put him on the map of MAGAdonia was when he went on Steve Bannon's podcast a little over a year ago and said this:
"The one thing we will do that they will never do is we will follow the
facts and the law and go to courts of law and correct these justices and
lawyers who have been prosecuting these cases based on politics and
actually issuing them as lawfare. We will find go out and find the
conspirators not just in government but in the media. Yes, we are going
to come after the people in the media who lied about American citizens,
who helped Joe Biden rig presidential elections. We're going to come
after you. Whether it is criminally or civilly we'll figure that out.
But, yeah, we're putting you all on notice. This is why they hate us.
This is why we're tyrannical. This is why we're dictators."
This seems to comport very neatly with the news that Patel, if God forbid he's confirmed as FBI Director, will start rooting through files looking for the names of confidential informants.
This shows that Patel is one of those lunatics that Trump covets, the very tip of the tip of the spear that's bound and determined to turn our government into nothing more or less than an engine of vengeance. And if the Third Reich taught us anything, it's that you cannot reasonably expect a government to remain standing for long if it's based on nothing but grievance and revenge.
During this shitshow of a "nomination" process, we've, predictably, seen some of the worst names advanced for consideration. For the most part, from Matt Gaetz to Pam Bondi to Pete Hegseth to Tulsi Gabbard to recent jailbird Peter Navarro, we've been treated to the very delineation of the word "kakistocracy".
But all the above, while they're insurrectionists-in-waiting, are merely True Believers. None of them, with the possible exception of Kash Patel, quite define clinical insanity like Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.
Indeed, with the exception of Donald Trump himself, a nominally perspicacious individual would be hard-pressed to find someone who could occupy such a huge swath in the DSM-V. Considering Kennedy's age (70), we have a long history of bizarre behavior and actions to review. Hopefully, if his nomination actually gets a committee hearing, the Senate, in its Advise and Consent role, will delve deeply into it.
Kennedy is perhaps best known as a vaccine skeptic, to put it charitably. In that respect, he joins a long list of such individuals ranging from the merely stubborn and willfully ignorant to the outright deranged such as Dr. Stella Immanuel, aka the demon semen doctor.
Kennedy started out respectably enough. Like his father, former Attorney General and Senator Robert F. Kennedy, Sr., Kennedy, Jr went to law school at Harvard, graduated then passed the state bar exam. From that point on, things started to go awry.
He decided to become an environmental attorney. That's commendable, right? Six years ago, he won a $290,000,000 judgment against Monsanto, one of the most evil corporations of all time. Kennedy was named Time magazine’s “Heroes for the Planet”. What an environmental superhero, right? Keep reading.
Right after suspending his campaign for president last August, Kennedy had immediately begun to throw his old environmentalist colleagues and their agenda under the bus. Suddenly, his environmentalist stance was starting to sound suspiciously like Trump's. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that the Trump campaign had paid Kennedy's law firm a cool $100,000 weeks after Kennedy endorsed him.
"Many Samoans had seen the film 'Vaxxed,' produced by two of Kennedy’s
anti-vaccine allies, which alleged that the MMR vaccine was dangerous,
which led to an uptick in parents refusing to get their kids vaccinated.
After the deaths of the two infants, RFK Jr. threw gasoline on the fire
with a visit to the island in 2019, meeting with local vaccine
opponents and voicing suspicions that the MMR vaccine had contained a
mutant strain and had caused the then-burgeoning epidemic. Eventually,
more than 3% of the whole population of the island was infected. For
babies aged 6 to 11 months, that figure was closer to 20%. More than 150
of them died.
When you think of RFK Jr., think of rows of tiny coffins."
Oh, but fret not. Kennedy is now saying he's not really a vaccine skeptic, after all, despite trying to tie vaccines to autism to this day.
Now Kennedy is embracing the decades-old right wing conspiracy theory regarding fluoride in our water supply.
That was just one of the countless ruinous things Kennedy has done in his public life. Let's delve into his private life.
He once found a dead bear cub, thought about eating it then decided to dump it in Central Park.
With a chainsaw, Kennedy decapitated a dead whale that had beached itself then drove back to New York with it in his car.
His wife, Mary Richardson Kennedy, committed suicide in 2012 after she found her husband's journal bragging about sleeping with 37 other women.
Brain worm? Yeah, that would explain his recent positions. And let's mention his latest admission...
Now, was Kennedy admitting that he had a heroin addiction then kicked the habit in an effort to lead a clean, sober life? Oh, no. He credited heroin with helping him graduate at the top of his class. Yes, the vaccine skeptic who won't get a vaccine for anything had no problem shooting up heroin so he could read again.
This is the guy Trump wants to let "run wild" at HHS.
As a result, 77 Nobel laureates wrote a letter to the US Senate begging hem to reject Kennedy's nomination.
It's completely insane that Trump's so hostile to science that he wants to put as the head of our health infrastructure a guy who wants to do away with all vaccines against diseases such as polio, diphtheria, COVID, measles and whatever else our kids are getting vaccinated for. If the Senate Committee on Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions is crazy enough to let this lunatic out of committee and if the US Senate as a whole loses its collective fucking mind, they will doom this nation to a wave of sickness that will be even more ruinous that the first two years of the COVID-19 pandemic.
Police have just released a photo of the elderly Pennsylvania McDonald's worker who dimed out Luigi Mangione."I needed the $10,000 reward," said the aging Fryolator cook.
As many of you know, I now live in Arizona (Hopefully not for too much longer) but I'm still getting my medication refills from my pharmacy in Massachusetts. I just spoke with them and they said I'll have three scripts to pick up. I was put on Medicare this past January and, so far, the medicines' copays total just $4.65. I have an arrangement with the pharmacy whereby my son, who lives in the area, picks up my meds then mails them to me here in Phoenix. One of them is Atorvastatin (Lipitor), which literally keeps me alive.
But after I got done talking to the pharmacy tech, it made me wonder whether I'll still have this coverage after Trump's pack of rabid assclowns gets done butt-slamming our health coverage into oblivion. Republicans, largely plutocrats who don't need a social safety net, have been gunning for Social Security since it was first created in the 30s and Medicare and Medicaid since 1965. And they've been after the ACA since President Obama first signed it into law in 2010. It's as if they're literally trying to kill us.
Then it occurred to me why health insurance is now suddenly at the forefront of everyone's minds. Why weren't we talking about it this past election cycle? Why did it take a healthcare CEO's killing to remind us that health care was always on the Republican Party's chopping block and that it will be seriously jeopardized in a little over a month?
A half a century ago, on July 24, 1974, a film debuted that changed the film industry forever. It was Death Wish, based on the 1972 Brian Garfield novel, and starred Charles Bronson. It would go on to spawn four sequels and a 2018 remake with Bruce Willis.
But long before the first sequel would hit theaters eight years later, the first film had stated its case.
One could persuasively make a case that the first Death Wish was a right wing wet dream: It featured a man named Paul Kersey, a successful architect and family man, who had been wronged by society and failed by the system. Then he goes out and starts killing after his wife is killed and his daughter raped and put into a catatonic state.
By example and effective storytelling, the filmmakers asked a silent but big question: Was Paul Kersey justified in going on a killing spree and reducing the criminal element in New York City? "What would you do?" it seemed to ask.
It feeds into the perennial extreme right wing fantasy of taking out your enemies with impunity, without any comeuppance from the system that ultimately failed Kersey. He was shrewdly made a sympathetic character who'd lost everything near and dear to him through no fault of his own. Death Wish inspired a whole subgenre of so-called "revenge films". Ms 45 in 1981 and, just two years after Death Wish, Lipstick. 2019's Joker, starring Joaquin Phoenix, can accurately be classified as, at least partly, a revenge film.
Well, at 6:46 this morning in midtown Manhattan, a man found his inner Paul Kersey and gunned down UnitedHealth's CEO, Brian Thompson, in cold blood. Thompson was already vilified, as are all health care CEOs, of cold-bloodedly kicking people off their health care plans. So it's only poetic justice that he was just as casually taken off this planet by someone who held his life in as much contempt.
As we know nothing about the shooter except a few inconclusive videos and screengrabs, we don't know what motivated him. But considering Thompson's line of work and how he'd made his tens of millions, we can only speculate.
The word is filled with victims, innocent victims, people who never deserve whatever cruel fate befalls them. Your mortgage doubles suddenly and you immediately find yourself underwater. Your employer decides to outsource your job. Or you get thrown off your healthcare plan because your lost your job or because of "pre-existing conditions".
What would you do?
Arthur Fleck, aka Joker, in a pre-Batman Gotham City, becomes the hero. Paul Kersey, on a somewhat smaller scale, also becomes the hero, being simply dubbed "the Vigilante." Crime goes down. He has public support that almost reaches the level of cult status, a movement.
And the guy who shot Thompson, in a scene straight out of a Batman movie, did so with calmness. After he shot Thompson, he slowly turned away, jogged across the street then got away on a bicycle. Yes, a bicycle. Which makes a lot of sense. How do you trace a bicycle, a two-wheeled vehicle with no license plate, in a city with countless millions of them?
And while it's obvious this guy was no professional (at some point, he has trouble chambering a round into his semiauto), he knew where and when Thompson was going to be. All he had to do was wait at a nearby Starbucks. How did he come by that intelligence? Well, MAGA trolls have long since shown us they can find and release your personal information with just a few deft keystrokes.
But it was most certainly a targeted hit. There was a witness whom the gunman had passed and he was able to run away unharmed.
Was this man wronged by Thompson and his huge health care corporation? Was someone in his family wronged?
It's easy, very seductive, in fact, to read too much into this on account of how little information we have. It's all too easy to jump to conclusions and see this as an example of the little man turning the tables and sticking it to the big guy for a change. This may be just a one-off.
Or it may be the start of a series of killings. We'll have to wait and see.
But one thing is for certain- For now, he got away with it, just as Thompson thought he had with his predatory and ruinous policies that cost countless vulnerable people their health care. Brian Thompson was no good guy but neither is the man who'd shot him. Murdering people is no way to redress your grievances no matter how few alternative options the system gives you.
But for now, this guy is a hero to many. And, just as possession is nine tenths of the law, perception is nine tenths of reality. The bad guy finally got a fat stake through his black heart. I'm seeing little, if any, sympathy for Brian Thompson on social media.
The ultimate irony is in the lead image above. Less than three hours after Thompson's murder, UnitedHealth's stock price shot up (no pun intended) by nearly 2.5%, which is the most American thing ever.
(Part of an ongoing series detailing the manifest unfitness of Trump's Cabinet picks)
Today, let's turn our attention to Pete Hogsbreath, a former Fox weekend talking head that Trump has "nominated" to be his Defense Secretary.
First of all, Hogsbreath never attained a rank higher than major in the Army National Guard. The Pentagon's top spokesman, Patrick Ryder, is a major general. Furthermore, he never once came close to managing an agency that employed over 3,000,000 people, much less having any experience whatsoever in the geopolitical ramifications of the job. And, managing a massive stockpile of over 1500 nuclear weapons? Please.
Pete Hegseth's mom Penelope on Fox & Friends makes a direct appeal on behalf of her son to Trump pic.twitter.com/dsQFEuGlYg
Secondly, Petey's moral turpitude is too obvious to ignore. Since it's obvious that Trump either doesn't care about having people in his Cabinet would in the real world wouldn't be allowed within 100 yards of an elementary school or if rape is a prerequisite, it's obvious not everyone is onboard. That includes at least six Republican senators.
Now, in case you're wondering how he just popped up all of a sudden, it's not as simple as that. You see, when Trump first sleazed his way into the White House, he wanted to give Hegseth an undersecretary position. They did their version of vetting but it was a political vetting, not a criminal one. Justin Higgins, the Republican opposition researcher who'd done it (and is now a Democrat), still hasn't revealed what he'd found all those years ago but whatever it was, Trump didn't hire him. And, considering his long history of horrible personnel decisions, that's saying something.
But the year after he was vetted, he was accused to raping a woman in California, which was investigated by the police. They chose not to press charges against him but Hegseth agreed to pay the woman an undisclosed sum of a money and pretended the encounter was consensual (Her husband and two kids were elsewhere in the hotel where the rape took place) and that he paid her off to keep his job on Fox.
Republicans pretend to be so concerned about rapists, with publicity-thirsty clowns like Nancy Mace even promising to introduce a bill banning one transgender woman from using the Congressional restrooms. But they don't seem to care that Hegseth is just a typical Republican who can't keep it in his pants (Don't forget, his second wife divorced him when he knocked up the Fox producer who would become his third wife). Since Mace was allegedly raped back in the day, one would think she'd be more sensible to that.
Having said that, according to the New Yorker, who'd spoken to former associates of Hogsbreath's, he apparently likes to tip the bottle a bit too much. Before 2017 when he became a talking head on Fox, Hegseth ran two small veteran's advocacy groups, Veterans for Freedom and Concerned Veterans for America. He was fired from both for "mismanagement of funds, sexual impropriety and reports of intoxicated behavior."
In several cases, he "needed to be carried out of the organization’s events." In another incident, Hogsbreath "was so intoxicated he had to be physically stopped from joining dancers
on the stage of a Louisiana strip club, where he had brought his team in
November 2014."
So, we know he's a black out drunk and alcoholic rage monster. And he single-handedly drove Vets for Freedom into the ground, having bankrupted them by spending treasury funds on parties.
The Pentagon has the largest budget of any US government agency, in excess of $800 billion. But many Republicans don't seem to have a problem with a guy who spends money like a college freshman who just got his first student loan check running an agency with a budget of nearly a trillion dollars. He's got fabulous Max Headroom hair!
What makes Petey's nomination a slam dunk is Mommy going out on a media blitz, even sitting in Sonny boy's old chair at Fox and Frauds and making a case for him. The problem with that is her letter to her son in 2018 that tore hm a new asshole for the shitty way he treats women. Of course, being a typically feckless right winger herself, she took back what she'd written but the damage had been done.
This is what she'd said in part:
“You are an abuser of women—that is the ugly truth and I have no respect
for any man that belittles, lies, cheats, sleeps around, and uses women
for his own power and ego... On behalf of all the women (and I know it’s many) you have abused in
some way, I say… get some help and take an honest look at yourself… Is there any sense of decency left in you?”
Obviously not, otherwise he wouldn't want to work for Donald Trump.
Just to hedge hers and Donnie's bets, Penelope is also asking female senators to just conveniently ignore all the rape and sexual abuse allegations for which she'd castigated her son just six years ago and pretend they don't exist. "But, he's such a nice boy!" was all she needed to add.
And then, there's his fascist Christian supremacy beliefs.
In the New Yorker article, he was quoted as bellowing in a bar (while drunk, of course), "KILL ALL MUSLIMS!" over and over again.
If you have any doubts as to Petey's religious allegiances, just check out his awesome tats.
Oh, no, that's not the look at all of a guy who's obsessed with crusades.
So, what does Trump have to say about all this because his team didn't vet the vet? Well, thanks for asking.
For the first time in over a year someone actually started talking about Ron DeSantis again. Yes, the "These Boots Were Made For Walking" Governor whose war on "woke" was a national punchline. He's one of three names being floated around for Defense Secretary on the strength of him being a Navy JAG at Gitmo. Yes, a guy who tore through $170,000,000 with absolutely nothing whatsoever to show for it is a much better alternative to oversee a department with a budget of nearly a trillion dollars.
But Hogsbreath is making Donnie Dumbo look very bad and Donnie Dumbo doesn't like it when people laugh at him, as they should. So when one of his fake "nominees" starts going tits up, Donnie Dumbo does two things- First, blame the other guy for making him look like a flaccid penis then replace him. That's why DeSantis's name is coming up again like an old homicide victim bobbing up in the Okefenokee Swamp, which is sureto go over well with MAGAdonians.
I guess the thinking is to give the Senate Armed Forces Committee a horrible nominee then replace him with someone else who will be perceived by Republican scum as someone who looks positively statesmanlike by conspicuous relief.
But a shit sandwich is still a shit sandwich whether or not you cut off the crust.
Well, all good things must come to an end, like Matlock, Billy Beer and our three and a half weeks at my good friend Donald Trump's Mar a Lago. It was kind of a mixed blessing. It was good to see old friends and get my hands dirty again.
Yes. Cecil and I are both back at the old brownstone on 5th Avenue with empty pockets but full hearts. As hard as I tried, I couldn't get the Treasury Secretary nod, although I would've been the greatest since Alexander Hamilton (He had a musical made about him, after all, largely based on his dividing the national debt into domestic and foreign debt, which naturally lends itself to Broadway musicals).
But, it was not to be, as the nomination went to Scott Bessent, an old running buddy of mine who's about as talented as a Temperance spinster in a whorehouse. However my friend Donald did offer me the post of Undersecretary of Coffee and Pastry Procurement, which I politely declined.
And, while it's good to be back home, my poor kid brother Cecil is still weepy over having to leave behind Donald's handsome, supple young grandsons. It rather irked Donald when he saw Cecil trying to engage the boys in impromptu wrestling matches, underwear optional. The only way Donald could get hm to leave his grandsons alone was to tender a fake offer of making him the head of the President's Council on Physical Fitness, which the president himself jokes about behind closed doors.
"Can you see me doing jumping jacks, Cyril?" he once sneered while eating the first of three consecutive Big Macs. Mudslides in the Philippines immediately came to my mind.
Meanwhile, my baby girl Bertha has been picking my brains about what Lauras Loomer and Trump are like and even asking me if either woman seemed to be what she called "open-minded", although about what she didn't articulate. But when she isn't questioning Cecil and me about what our time in Palm Beach was like, she's mooning over the picture below that she found on the internet.
She printed it up on her printer and has taken to walking around with it tightly clasped to her ample bosom and ceaselessly crying, "Why, O why couldn't Elon had been born a woman, O cruel fate?!"
So, yes, there were some disappointments but those pale in comparison to the tonic of being around Donald's potent power. I left just after Kash Patel, who always looks as if he was caught by his mother jerking off in his sister's underwear drawer, was nominated as the next FBI Director after several failed interviews with his first 12 or so picks.
The first to get flown down was MO AG Andrew Bailey, who "looked the part" but didn't have the TV screen presence Donald was looking for. Then he interviewed another 11, ending with Ted Nugent, who brought a crossbow to the interview and offered to kill and catch dinner for the kitchen staff.
Finally, Donald pinched his nose and looked at Kash, who was still hiding behind a potted plant and he asked him. "Hey, Kash, you wanna be the next FBI Director?" to which he said, "Oh, yes, oh yes! Now I can get out of that sweatshop phone bank and pretending I work for Microsoft! 'Hello, I am Christian from the Windows...' Fuck you, no more!"
That was on Thanksgiving and just before Cecil and I hopped on my private jet back to New York, Donald served us a dinner that couldn't be beat. That's my delicious Thanksgiving dinner at Mar a Lago, if you'll pardon the food porn. Let me tell you, this puts Fyrefest to shame, featuring the world's best flash-frozen vegetables and you won't get cornbread like that anywhere in New York, not even at Elaine's or Sardi's, no sirree.
