Saturday, August 27, 2016

Attack of the 50 IQ Moron

(I'm just getting warmed up. I'm sending this by post first thing Monday morning.)

Jim Mallon, CEO
Consolidated Puppets Incorporated
(Formerly Best Brains, Inc)
11 10TH Ave S Ste D
Hopkins, MN 55343–7505

Dear Mr. Mallon:

            I’m writing to you not as a fanboy (although I’ve been a huge fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000 since the 90’s) but as a concerned fan.
            It had come to my attention some two plus years ago that the name, concept and even physical likenesses of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 franchise and its stars has come under assault in the form of several copyright infringements according to the DMCA (Digital Millennium Copyright Act of 1996).
            The person committing these acts of copyright piracy is an American individual living in Tel Aviv, Israel by the same Joseph David Chadwick (pen name: Sugar Ray Dodge). Not only does he write, illustrate and publish his own failed attempts at humor using the concept, names and likenesses of those associated with the MST3K franchise, he’s even set up several crowd-funding campaigns (such as this one on and this old campaign on Kickstarter in which he’d, somehow, raked in nearly $3000).
            I’d give you links to his various product pages on Amazon and Blurb but there’s a problem with that. You see, Chadwick made the mistake of violating someone else’s copyright, namely that of James Nguyen, the director and current copyright holder of the Birdemic series of movies. Mr. Nguyen somehow discovered (because Chadwick is quite an obscure writer of no talent whose picture books are shot through with very occasional literacy) that he’d devoted an entire chapter to parodying his first Birdemic movie. Not only did he threaten Chadwick with a $10,000,000 lawsuit for DMCA infringement, the director had even successfully gotten and to remove Chadwick’s product pages for at least the offending title.
            (However, if you’re so inclined, you can do a Google image search using the keywords “Mystery Science Storybook, Sugar Ray Dodge” to see at least a partial extent to which he’s been ripping off the MST3K franchise. In some cases, he’s even used Mike Nelson’s likeness as he also illustrates all his books).
            However, inexplicably (and I’m guessing perhaps this is because it didn’t reference James Nguyen’s copyright), the Kindle version of one of his other books can be found here ( and you can plainly see in the subtitle a partial reference to the Mystery Science Theater 3000 franchise by name.
            I don’t pretend to be a lawyer but my guess is that when one uses a copyrighted name of a movie, book, television franchise or anything falling under DMCA protection and seeks to obtain profit from said copyright infringement, it is a violation of the DMCA.
            The reason I am approaching you with this, aside from your stake and standing in the franchise’s hierarchy, is personal as well as professional. As a self-published author, myself, I am very keen to spot any violations of copyright as that is one of the very few protections afforded the independent writer. It outrages me that Chadwick is making any amount of money by plainly and shamelessly ripping off a concept and franchise (including by name) of which I’ve been a fan for close to 20 years. I would think another independent author of even Chadwick’s middling abilities and obvious intellectual limitations would know better than to violate someone’s copyright for profit and even make a pretense of originating the MST3K concept.
            On a personal note, it ought to be mentioned here that this man, let us charitably call him, is a right wing stalker with a police record who has made my life a living hell. He has terrorized my fiancée with his sometimes alarming behavior, trolling and stalking (he’s visited my blog as many as 700 times a day). Finding that insufficient, he’s also gone to my Amazon product pages, had written bogus one star reviews of my novels that on at least three occasions Amazon had removed. He’s also gone to my alternate blogs, my Goodreads page and left a smattering of one star ratings in an attempt to tank my book sales. He is a right wing bully who can dish it out but cannot take it. As proof of this, he’s now begging for money from his readers because what he’s vainly been attempting to do to me has now happened to him.
            In summation, I should reiterate that Mr. Nguyen’s legal threats would seem to have merit in the very fact that he’s successfully prevailed upon Amazon and Blurb to take down several of his product pages. While this doesn’t necessarily rise to the level of legal consensus, it would seem to indicate that if you were interested in pursuing a parallel lawsuit, you might be able to derive some satisfactory relief from a court. Of course, doing so would be at your discretion.
            Very sincerely,

            Robert Crawford

The Enemy of Mine Enemy...

(It seems the world's most beloved online stalker is about to be sued for $10,000,000 for copyright infringement by someone in Hollywood. Click on the links for the backstory of this delicious and delightful turn of events. Yet suffice it to say I'd like to offer my help in moving the inevitable along. Consider this the cybernetic equivalent of pulling on a hanged man's legs to speed along the process of execution.)

or An Open Letter to Mr. James Nguyen, director of Birdemic

Moviehead Pictures
7119 Sunset Boulevard
Hollywood, CA 90046

Dear Mr. Nguyen:

     I've recently heard and read about your current troubles concerning one Joseph David Chadwick of Tel Aviv, Israel. I won't belabor what's already obvious to you. Yet the reason I'm writing to you is because I've had past, present and ongoing experiences with this noxious right wing individual who seems to think in his megalomaniacal little mind the DMCA (Digital Millennium Copyright Act) should be suspended for him. This is part and parcel with conservative "thought", for want of a better word, that certain laws ought to be suspended or that, at the very least, they not be enforced when right wingers choose to break them.

     As stated, Jailbird Joe, as I prefer to call him as he has a police record in Utah, and I have had our... differences, let's call them, that began over two years back when he did not get a follow back from me on Twitter. Pretty soon, he began stalking and harassing me on my blog then, when that wasn't sufficient, he began trolling my Amazon product pages as well as my Goodread account and began putting up bogus one star reviews and ratings of every one of my novels without either buying or reading them. One such "review" of my novel AMERICAN ZEN, was so toxic, garbled with hate and rage and incomprehensible that (in the shape of things to come) took it down twice and Goodreads did the same.
     Essentially, Chadwick and his twin brother John Daniel (currently in Los Angeles dodging his child support obligations) are, by the account of those who had the misfortune and poor judgment to personally know them, amuse themselves by picking fights with random, anonymous people on the internet. Apparently, noticing these ankle-biters and calling attention to their rather disturbing patterns of behavior only fuels their obsession and eggs them on to greater acts of depravity.
     This is a person who is not only trying to destroy my book sales with his fake one star "reviews" but also has no problem with visiting my blog, on some days, 600-700 times, as he did last April 1st (I can prove it in countless screen grabs I'd taken that day and on others). I'd inadvertently reunited him with his future wife, who is also a plainly mentally disturbed right wing nut job and had abandoned Chadwick in 2003 during his final deployment to Iraq on account of his erratic and bizarre behavior (which doesn't explain her subsequent marriage to him but there's no accounting for taste or mental stability in either gender). And both husband and wife, despite the former settling into a new job in a new home in a new country, always seem to have time to try to post sneering, insulting comments on my blog like two malcontents on a playground (I delete them unread).
     Now, Mr. Nguyen, it's became readily apparent to me that you are dealing with an individual that somehow manages to function somewhere between the idiot and moron levels on the Terman IQ index. This is an individual who is so willfully ignorant and lacking in substantive cognitive thinking that he's unaware that:
     #1 Naming a copyrighted motion picture in a project intended to make money is plainly a violation of DMCA and
     #2 No one in their right mind attempts a parody of a parody (Which BIRDEMIC is). But then again, no one of any appreciable intellect ever accused either Chadwick twin of being in their right mind.
     Now he's caterwauling on his blog, using all the appropriate dramatic syntax his shriveled brain can muster, about how you've "declared war" on his book, which is in itself a knockoff of a concept by Best Brains, Inc, the creators of Mystery Science Theater 3000 (and a violation of copyright that I am amazed has also not been sued into a richly-deserved oblivion). He's also bandying about words such as "bullying", "censor" and even "threaten". Apparently, when Chadwick bullies others and attempts to tank their book sales, that's all good and well but when he tip toes into my world, he screams like a titty-twisted, hysterical little bitch. Like a typical right winger, he can dish it out but he can't take it. When it happens to him, suddenly it's persecution.
     And, despite inexplicably getting a six figure publishing contract and staff job from some obscure Israeli publisher (by his account, at any rate), he's also trying to solicit donations from his readership to make up for the book sales you're allegedly costing him by convincing Amazon and Blurb to remove his plainly illegal Mystery Science Storybook.
     Here's my proposal: I would like to help you in any way I can, whatever your ultimate aim. As they say, the enemy of mine enemy is my friend and we seem to have someone in common we'd both like to take down. Please email me at your earliest convenience so we can discuss a strategy in dealing with this reanimated gargoyle. I have a lot of personal information about him, including his current IP address and street address in Tel Aviv as well as a treasure trove of other information that may be of some use to your legal team. I await your response, Mr. Nguyen.


Robert Crawford

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Anderson Cooper 180

     I call it that because that's only half the story.
     A few days ago, a few blogs, some Twitter accounts and an apathetic smattering of MSM outlets reported the news that Donald Trump donated between $100,000 to $250,000 to the same Clinton Foundation that's he's been decrying and demanding to be investigated. So, essentially Donald Trump is calling for an investigation of himself.
     If Trump is trying to position himself as the innocent here by claiming he didn't know it was a whorehouse when he walked in to use the bathroom, he's doing a pretty piss-poor job. Seriously. He's going to have to do a helluva lot better than to say, "The Clinton Foundation's a pay-to-play scam but when I kicked in a small fortune, it was perfectly legit." Uh huh.
     But as I said in the beginning, this is but half the story and Anderson Cooper, true to his Vanderbilt 1% roots, didn't go after the DNC (which is to say, the Clinton campaign) for, in turn, shoveling countless millions of dollars of its own into Trump-owned businesses.
     Granted, we're talking about several financial entities, from the Trump and Clinton campaigns to the DNC, the Clinton Foundation, etc. And perhaps the bewildering array of said entities is the point. After all, this is how money-laundering is done, through at least two such organizations.
     You can download the spreadsheet right here ( then just scroll down until you get the countless consecutive listings with Trump's name and 725 Fifth Ave. Here are some screenshots to get you going:

     As stated, the story of Donald Trump giving up to a quarter of a million dollars to Clinton's sham charity looks bad enough but when you look at the entire story, it gets exponentially worse. And when one looks at the big picture, it's absolutely impossible to see how it looks good for anyone involved. The optics are horrible for Trump, for Clinton, for the DNC, etc.

     The image one gets is of a giant revolving door in which large sums of money get passed from one presidential candidate to the other then large sums of money get passed vice versa, sort of exactly the same way when one paid at least a million dollars to the corrupt Clintons' "Foundation", one got some face time with Hillary and maybe, if you're generous enough, a spot on an important committee or even a lucrative weapons deal.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Tweets From the Edge, Part ∞

Oh, Shit, Here We Go Again...

Monday, August 22, 2016

Mr. Bill Will Not Save the Day

     On Saturday, I posted an Assclowns of the Week in which I'd briefly mentioned the devastating floods in Louisiana these past two weeks. I admit, that was mere token lip service and I haven't done justice to this tragedy. But one trend I've been seeing on both right wing media and even the mainstream media is how Obama's at fault for not being there to provide empty comfort and continuing his vacation.
     Not a word has been said, as far as I can tell, of Bush's inexcusable behavior during at least three trips to New Orleans in Katrina's wake in 2005 and the fact that he was on vacation himself when disaster struck the 9th Ward and elsewhere.
     I'm amazed that people forget this simple fact of our national security protocols:
     Everywhere the President of the United States goes, there's a two mile-wide halo over his head and that halo is called a no-fly zone. It is forbidden for any aircraft not approved by the government, regardless of the nobility of its mission or intentions, to fly anywhere near the president. Bush was painfully unaware of this or blithely dismissive of it when he and Laura Bush made successive trips to New Orleans for their Goddamned photo ops. One of them was when Laura Bush took over a Red Cross aid station for eight hours while they were trying to update their site to tell people where the relief stations were. And the Secret Service threw everyone out so Bush could hand out a single loaf of bread to several people during a transparently superficial and self-serving photo op.
     While Bush was in New Orleans, rescue and recovery helicopters were stranded while Bush pretended to get briefings from idiots such as Michael Brown, as in this famous picture:

     For once in his life, Gov. Bobby Jindal, perhaps remembering Bush fucking up the recovery efforts during his photo ops, acted like a leader and forbade politicians from going to Louisiana. If you're not going to help, he said, don't come and interfere with police and other first responders. Of course, that didn't stop Donald Trump, who's being cheered by right wing mouth-breathers as a hero for showing up anyway with Mike Pence and handing out Play-Doh for exactly 49 seconds before calling it quits and then giving $100,000 to professional homophobe Tony Perkins so he could rebuild his house.
     And Obama's a bad guy for being on vacation.
     Obama is doing the right thing by not being there. If he'd gone there for self-serving, superficial photo ops, he'd simply be doing more harm than good. Once the president's vacation is over and the water pumped out of the flood zones, I'm confident Obama will do right by his fellow Americans and allocate emergency funds. When the rescue and recovery efforts are concluded, I'm equally sure the president will visit the areas and console the locals.
     So get the fuck off the President's back. Just because he's on vacation it doesn't mean he's powerless and cannot do anything. I'm sure he's been on the phone with Governor Jindal several times and is getting up-to-date briefings and, unlike Bush, actually is engaged. New Orleans is cynically used by white, right winger politicians during every disaster to briefly show their compassion for black people. And it sickens me that the same cocksuckers who called the victims of Katrina "deadbeats", "losers" and "looters" are now feigning concern about them so they can slam President Obama for doing the right thing by not callously hampering the rescue and recovery efforts.

"Excuse my dust."

(By American Zen's Mike Flannigan, on loan from Ari)
I'm sure that Dorothy Parker would be mortified to still be alive today and more mortified still to learn today would've been her 123rd birthday.
     As many great writers are, Dorothy Parker was what people charitably refer to as "complicated." She was self-effacing (unlike many writers) but she was just as merciless toward those in positions of power, especially right wingers and bigots. She was sitting at the Algonquin Round Table she helped found when news came of Republican Calvin Coolidge's death. It inspired Parker's most famous quip: "How could they tell?" In person, Parker was soft-spoken, which only enhanced and amplified the acidity of her barbs. It was even rumored that when Dorothy Parker was holding court at the Algonquin Table (that decades later she'd come to repudiate), people were reluctant to leave before her for fear of what she'd say about them in their absence.
     Yet Parker's brilliance as a writer and master of the vitriolic aphorism has overshadowed her career as a left wing activist. The overshadowing of her more serious avocation as a liberal muckraker is understandable: Of Viking's famous Portable series, The Portable Dorothy Parker is one of only three still in print (along with Shakespeare and the Bible). Her talent was widely spread out in short stories, verse, poetry and song lyrics, journalism, plays, radio scripts, screenplays, book reviews and virtually every other genre and medium. The winner of two Oscar nominations and an O. Henry Award in 1930, she is generally regarded as one of America's greatest authors of either gender.
     However, Parker's political activism began while she was in her early 30's, specifically during the Sacco and Vanzetti trial of 1927. From that point until her death just nine days before the Monterey Festival in the famous Summer of Love, Parker was increasingly devoted to progressive causes and Civil Rights. In fact, she was so notorious that her co-founding of the Hollywood Anti-Nazi League (actually a thinly disguised front for Communist causes- Parker was a card-carrying member of that party) was more than enough to earn the attention of J. Edgar Hoover's infamously Learesque FBI: His Bureau had compiled a 1000 page dossier on the writer.
     But it didn't stop with Hoover. Parker had also appeared on the radar screen of Joe McCarthy, the notorious Communist-hunting senator from Wisconsin who, through his hearings, had ended the careers of many Hollywood luminaries. Parker, despite her two Academy Award nominations, was not exempt from McCarthy's baleful ken.
     And lest one think that Parker's concern stopped at American borders, you'd be wrong there. She'd formed an organization called Project Rescue Ship that transported Spanish Loyalists to Mexico and headed the Spanish Children's Relief and even chaired the Joint Anti-Fascist Rescue Committee. While they may have been fronts for Communist causes, no one could doubt Ms. Parker's loathing for and opposition to fascism and right wingers on either side of the Atlantic.
     When Parker died of a sudden heart attack in New York City at the age of 73, the childless author's will bequeathed her entire estate to Dr. Martin Luther King and, when he was tragically assassinated less than a year later, it was transferred to the NAACP. On the 95th anniversary of her birth, that civil rights organization erected a cenotaph at the site of Parker's birthplace in New Jersey. During that 21 year interregnum, it would've amused Parker to know that, since no one claimed her ashes, they sat, fittingly, in her attorney's file cabinet for 17 years. (Her proposed epitaph was, "Excuse my dust.")
     While Parker had friends and more lovers than posterity will likely ever get to count, it can be said her love for humanity was exercised at a more abstract level through her political and social activism. She was often a sad, lonely woman who, like Billie Holliday, was a brilliant and gifted lady who nonetheless made an unbroken string of bad choices in men. And it was that brilliance that answers the occasional question of why she has never fallen into disfavor or neglect in the nearly half a century after her death.
     That is because, like Sylvia Plath and several others, Parker showed us how dangerous and devastating a lady of intelligence and a sharp wit can be in a male-dominated society. Yet let us not forget Parker's lifelong commitment to progressive causes that she'd effortlessly juggled with and folded into her immortal literary canon.

Sunday, August 21, 2016

...And Sometimes CNN Gets it Just Right

     It looks something out of The Onion but that's because it's as if The Onion is scripting the Donald Trump campaign. This screengrab was taken from a Youtube video of a CNN panel that went berzerk when the Trump apologists opened their mouths to claim Donald Trump was a Civil Rights champion because he allowed blacks and Jews into one of his country clubs. Yes, they actually think that qualifies as civil rights activism.
     Forget that Malcolm X and Dr. King lost their very lives to that end or that Rep. John Lewis had his skull bashed in in the good name of Civil Rights or that Bernie Sanders was arrested for trying to integrate a university or that three young Civil Rights workers were murdered in Mississippi in the fight for equality. To the white twit you see above, expanding country club admission policies is equal to all those risks and often fatal consequences.
     The original video can be seen here. I've already had my fun.

Saturday, August 20, 2016

Assclowns of the Week #103: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Toilet edition

      For anyone with common sense and/or an allergy to bullshit, these past couple of weeks in this quadrennial are especially trying. We have another corrupt Olympics taking place in a sewer dressed up like a Potemkin village and bought and sold by corporations and, of course, we have another presidential election in which, as usual, we're given the choice of two elderly right wing oligarch psychopaths to vote for as President. And, to top it all off, thanks to a tragically misguided artist with national pretensions, we now have a good idea what one of them looks like naked.
      But even among those of us who wish to tune out and drop out, there are the assclowns that overrun the streets like so many bulls in Pamplona. To a guy like me, that's like Michael Corleone, just when he thinks he's out, getting pulled back in. To wit:
      Debbie Wasserman Schultz (5) for finally coming out of the closet and announcing her love for Hillary Clinton (3); Ryan Lochte (8) for reminding us Michael Phelps' bong wasn't all that bad, after all; Trump (4, 1) bag boy Chris Christie (6) for handing Trump yet another bag, this one filled with money and libertarian bag o' douche Peter Thiel (7) for silencing one of his critics. So let's hop aboard the Crazy Train and review this week's assclowns and, with a greatly expanded Dishonorable Mentions, much, much more!

10) Rudy Giuliani
     In a truly awe-inspiring bit of revisionist history worthy of Michele Bachmann and Katrina Pierson, Mayor Rudy got up before a crowd of right wingers just before Donald Trump's foreign policy speech and claimed. "Under those eight years, before Obama came along, we didn't have any successful radical Islamic terrorist attacks in the United States."
     Had he forgotten all about the defining day of his political career? Or does Rudy just have such high standards of excellence nearly 3000 deaths and three buildings being destroyed and the Pentagon damaged not qualify as "successful"?

     Or the thousands of times he'd mentioned 9/11 as his sole campaign platform plank during the 2008 election? Or refuting Donald Trump's claims that thousands were celebrating 9/11?
     How hard did Rudy hit his head a couple of weeks ago?
     The next day, Rudy claimed he didn't forget about 9/11 and blamed his gaffe on "abbreviated language." More like abbreviated brains. 

9) Attorney General Loretta Lynch
     I'm just going to come right out and say it because it's always up to me to say what's on the minds of many people who are too craven to say it out loud: Women have destroyed the Democratic Party. You want to know why it's turned into Republican-Lite? Women. Women like Hillary Clinton, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Roberta Lange, Donna Brazile, Barbara Boxer and last but certainly not least, AG Loretta Lynch. And men let them get away with it for fear of being viewed as sexist or misogynistic. Or maybe they're as corrupt as the women.
     Lynch made the news and the grade this week by spiking yet another investigation into Hillary Clinton's semi-open sewer of public service. Last month, Lynch put the kibosh on an investigation into Hillary's email irregularities that should've ended with the formation of a grand jury but didn't. Then this month, Lynch killed another investigation before it had even begun, even in contravention of the FBI's wishes, into the astoundingly corrupt Clinton Foundation. And before all that, Lynch killed a third investigation into Clinton in the wake of Clinton Cash.
     I think we all now know the real reason why Obama installed Loretta Lynch as Attorney General and it certainly wasn't for her legal skills. Now, if only Lynch can stop having inappropriate secret rendezvouz with Slick Willie while the wife isn't around.

8) Ryan Lochte
     It's difficult enough for American tourists to shed the stubborn image of the Ugly American and to that end Olympic swimmer and world's oldest frat boy Ryan Lochte certainly didn't do the rest of us any favors. A week ago, Lochte claimed he and his fellow swimmers were held up by black Brazilians masquerading as police and were robbed at gunpoint of all their cash. In the cab with Lochte were fellow Olympians Jimmy Feigen, Jack Conger and Gunnar Bentz.
     Then on Thursday, their story fell apart faster than a Hillary Clinton campaign promise. It was revealed that the quartet of swimmers were drunk the night of the "incident" and pulled a Mötley Crüe by trashing a gas station bathroom then refusing to pay for the damages. The scary black men in police uniforms turned out to be an armed security guard who never pulled his gun. According to this game of Telephone, being told to pay for their damages constituted being robbed at gunpoint. And, to this day, Lochte and his co-conspirators refuse to publicly disavow their original story.
     Blaming fictional black bogey men for crimes committed by white people is a tried-and-true American evasion and diversion that works. Every. Fucking. Time. It brings to mind Ashley Todd, Charles Stuart and Susan Smith for their initially successful attempts to blame black men for crimes they themselves commit.

7) Peter Thiel
     There's something deeply wrong with a nation that officially recognizes billionaire bribes as "free speech" while places such as Gawker get hounded out of existence by one of those same billionaires for legitimately exercising their 1st Amendment rights.
     Those of you who have even minimal internet contact must know that Gawker's ending their operations as of this week, a direct result of a bankruptcy filed in the wake of disgraced racist Hulk Hogan's lawsuit over Gawker having published a sex tape with him in it. Incredibly, the Donald Trump VP-wannabe won $140,000,000, so I guess the world's most muscular Klansman's feelings were very, very hurt by watching himself buck naked, fucking his friend's ex-wife.
     Then, before Univision bought Gawker's six online entities for $135,000,000, libertarian scumbag Peter Thiel finally stepped from the shadows and admitted he was the one who'd financed Hogan's lawsuit. The cynical partnership was forged, it was discovered, because of Gawker's own hard-hitting pieces about Thiel and his right wing buddies in Silicon Valley. Oh, and Gawker outed him, which also hurt Thiel's tender feelings.
     Gawker was a valuable source of news and commentary that was extremely popular among millennials and others. Their style of gonzo journalism at a time in which people across all age groups are at best cynical about the MSM was a much-needed breath of fresh air. And the bankruptcy Gawker was forced to file in the wake of a farce of a trial that put a fortune in the pockets of a disgraced racist, and bankrolled by a misogynistic oligarch who ought to be disowned by the LGBT community, will only have a chilling effect on American journalism. The Gawker lawsuit will set a dangerous precedent for vindictive right wing douchebags such as Peter Thiel, who just spent $10,000,000 defending a guy he doesn't give two shits about in order to preserve a reputation that he only made worse.

     Bravo, asshole. Well played, well played.

6) Chris Christie
     It appears as if Chris Christie spent 25,000,000 New Jersey taxpayer dollars for a Vice Presidential gig he didn't get. He did, however get a consolation prize as the head of Trump's transition team. As the NY Times put it on the 16th,
The total, with interest, had grown to almost $30 million. The state had doggedly pursued the matter through two of the casinos’ bankruptcy cases and even accused the company led by Mr. Trump of filing false reports with state casino regulators about the amount of taxes it had paid.
But the year after Governor Christie, a Republican, took office, the tone of the litigation shifted. The state entertained settlement offers. And in December 2011, after six years in court, the state agreed to accept just $5 million, roughly 17 cents on the dollar of what auditors said the casinos owed.
     So essentially, Christie arrived at the Governor's mansion with a serious budgetary shortfall and he hamstrung his own state auditors who'd been after Trump for at least five years to pay his taxes. Furthermore, Christie let Trump plea-bargain down his original debt to 17 cents on the dollar of what he actually owed.
     And how did Trump pay him back five years later? By making him his bag boy and giving him a job he'll never get to fulfill.
     And if in your eyes that didn't qualify Christie for the #6 spot, then maybe what Christie did last Tuesday will.

5) Debbie Wasserman Schultz
     Last week, disgraced ex-DNC chair and glorified Clinton temp worker Debbie Wasserman Schultz had a debate with her opponent, Tim Canova. And during it she actually thought it would be a selling point with FL-23 voters to remind them as to why she was a disgraced ex DNC chair- "The work we did to prepare for Hillary Clinton, to be our nominee and then make sure we could get her elected President."
     Which, of course, is at stark odds with DWS lying to the faces of the American media and public and piously claiming both she and the DNC have been impartial and completely upfront and above board with the Sanders campaign. The lies and the glasnost of her corruption seem to be paying dividends- As of last Wednesday, one poll showed her crushing Tim Canova in the Democratic primary race.
     Take heart, Bernie fans. Just because Hillary Clinton's indictment and trial fizzled thanks to a certain corrupt Attorney General, how many times can lightning not strike? In case you didn't see this startling admission, here it is in its full glory:

4) Donald Trump
     Right around the same time that Donald Trump gave a foreign policy speech in which he gave the right wing's version of a hippie dippy, all-inclusive, tolerant society, he put up something alarming on his campaign's website that (Gasp!) may actually conflict with his Utopian mantra of enfranchisement for everyone. It's essentially a sign-up sheet for anyone who may want to be a "Trump Election Observer," which for us older folks may bring up unpleasant memories of a similar Republican move from 1981 that the DNC, when it was still the DNC, had a federal court strike down.
     Within minutes, it seemed, this resulted in a toxic sludge tsunami of tweets like this one (read my rejoinder):
     But in the act of asking his supporters to act as challengers, he could be violating the Consent Decree from the 3rd Circuit Court of Appeals.
     So, sure, come into Donald Trump's all-inclusive and tolerant America. But if'n'when y'all try to vote, we'll be watching you and if'n y'all try any o' them there shenanigans, we'll disappear you like a few Civil Rights Workers in Philadelphia, Mississippi we can think of.

3) Hillary Clinton
     It shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone that Hillary Clinton, a pro-fracking, pro-TPP Republican in donkey's clothing, one who publicly complains about the "revolving door in politics", would appoint Ken Salazar to be her transition chairman. Salazar, a former Interior Secretary who is himself pro-fracking, pro-KXL and pro-TPP, never met an oil company executive whose cock he didn't immediately suck. If God forbid Clinton wins, he'll be overseeing the appointments and nominations of 4000 government jobs that, with Clinton's and Salazar's involvement, is predestined to be filled with party hacks, executives and corporate lobbyists that already infest the Clinton campaign like fleas on a junk yard dog.
     Remember, in 2014, Salazar went to the NAPE Expo (basically Comic Con for planet-eating polluters) and, channeling former EPA Administrator Lisa Jackson and former Energy Secretary Ernest Moniz, actually said in public, “We know that, from everything we’ve seen, there’s not a single case where hydraulic fracking has created an environmental problem for anyone.” (The post-Jackson EPA disagrees but who cares what Tricky Dick's liberals think, right?) By the time Clinton & Salazar are through, the White House is going to be merely a K Street Who's Who (as if it hadn't already been made that way by Obama).
2) George Soros
     In a Wikileaks-scale data dump, it became apparent that perhaps the right wingers were right about George Soros all this time, albeit for the wrong reasons. It's difficult to get an unbiased view of this massive, years-long hack of 2576 documents (naturally, it's hardly been mentioned on left wing, let alone mainstream media sites but has plenty of coverage, natch, on right wing sites such as Breitbart and American Thinker). The bottom line exposes how Soros, who's indisputably in the tank for Clinton, has influenced world affairs to a larger extent than in even the most fevered right wing conspiracy theories.
     It's ironic that Soros' Open Society Foundation had to be hacked before we could see how many levers the old man was pulling from behind the curtain and which ones but it is what it is. Whether you're a right wing nut job claiming it's the result of Russian FSB intelligence or if you take DCLeaks at face value (“launched by the American hacktivists who respect and appreciate freedom of speech, human rights and government of the people.”), one fact remains clear: Soros' involvement in world affairs as well as domestic ones only lend credence to the old conspiracy theory of a few well-monied men controlling the world from the shadows of board rooms.
     Of all the sites I've been to, The Daily Caller seems to have the most balanced and unbiased response to this data dump. Here's their overview:
The documents are from multiple departments of Soros’ organizations. Soros’ the Open Society Foundations seems to be the group with the most documents in the leak. Files come from sections representing almost all geographical regions in the world, “the President’s Office”, and something named SOUK.
     “The President’s Office”?! Yeah, you've gotta check that one out. When you go to the first link I'd posted at the top of this segment, you'll be amazed at the different places (think entire continents) where Soros' "Open Society Foundation" has enjoyed influence. Among them: USA, Europe, Asia, Latin America, Africa and so forth. Among the revelations: That Soros had donated $650,000 to Black Lives Matter (which alone made right wing maws froth enough to rival the Louisiana floods) to cynically court them to Hillary's side.

1) Donald Trump
     You ever wonder what it would be like if Charlie McCarthy morphed in Joe McCarthy? Here's your answer.
     Donald Trump delivered what was billed as a foreign policy speech that sounded instead more like a "Ve must guard der Fatherland" boilerplate. This is part of what he'd said in Youngstown, OH:
Those who do not believe in our Constitution, or who support bigotry and hatred, will not be admitted for immigration into our country. Only those who we expect to flourish in our country — and to embrace a tolerant American society — should be issued visas.
     Ja, seig hiel, mein Fuh...! Wait, what?
     Yes, you read that right. In one albeit disjointed sentence, Trump had brilliantly turned xenophobia and Islamophobia into a clarion call for peace and tolerance and the screaming Gadsden flag-waving goobers in Ohio actually fell for it. This is what the Chicago Tribune went on to write:
The Republican nominee has made stricter immigration measures a central part of his proposals for defeating the Islamic State, a battle he said Monday is akin to the Cold War struggle against communism. He called for parents, teachers and others to promote "American culture" and encouraged "assimilation."
     Oh, yeah, because being assimilated and indoctrinated into so-called "American culture" worked out so well for countless thousands of Indian children in American and Canadian resident schools. The dog whistle language that Trump's now using is clear when you unfilter it: We'll let you in if you swear a loyalty oath to the bits and pieces of the Constitution we recognize and, uh, leave your own culture and language at the door. We ain't got no use for it.

Dishonorable Mentions

 Pam Geller
(Tip o' the tinfoil hat to Tengrain at Mock, Paper, Scissors)
     It seems online crank and right wing mob wife Pam Geller's at it again. Or rather, still. For six years now, she's been waging a war against unlabeled halal meat and insists it should be labeled as such just as Kosher food is. She even took the extraordinary measure of petitioning the USDA five years ago to get Muslim meat labelled lest it cause a tsunami of "back door sharia."
     If anyone needs a six foot falafel stick shoved up her ass, it's Pam Geller. You'd think she'd be much more concerned about the lack of labeling in Frankenfoods made by Monsanto. But this is Anders Brevik's muse we're talking about here.

      The Obama administration had a problem with Aetna, already the third largest health insurer, acquiring Humana in a possible breach of antitrust laws. Aetna had already warned the US government that if they stepped in and blocked the merger, they'd retaliate. Last week, Aetna did just that by dropping out of ObamaCare exchanges in 11 states, reducing Aetna's involvement to just four. It's not very often you see a major corporation having a public temper tantrum over not getting its way, so enjoy this while it lasts.

Natalie Morales and Billy Bush

     Watch the white people get all in a righteous lather when the nasty black man starts criticizing one of their own. Al Roker lays it all out then lays out Ryan Lochte's white apologists who keep calling the 32 year-old frat boy "a kid" and that we shouldn't "rush to judgment". Idea: We should make by an act of Congress any reference to Ryan Lochte as the Affleunza Aquaman.

Donald Trump & Mike Pence
      When the flood waters engulfed Louisiana, former Gov. Bobby Jindal was able to suppress his inner exorcist long enough to issue a common-sense warning to others to not go to his state for just a photo op, as it would hinder rescue efforts by first responders. So naturally, Donald Trump in his supreme arrogance completely ignored that common-sense warning and showed up with Mike Pence so they could be pictured handing out Play-Doh for precisely 49 seconds before beating it out of there. That's right: Mr. Bill and Mr. Tiny Hands are here to save the day.
     Shit, even Bush did better than that after Katrina 11 years ago!

All Time Classics

  • Our Worse Half: The 25 Most Embarrassing States.
  • The Missing Security Tapes From the World Trade Center.
  • It's a Blunderful Life.
  • The Civil War II
  • Sweet Jesus, I Hate America
  • Top Ten Conservative Books
  • I Am Mr. Ed
  • Glenn Beck: Racist, Hate Monger, Comedian
  • The Ten Worst Music Videos of all Time
  • Assclowns of the Week

  • Links to the first 33 Assclowns of the Week.
  • Links to Assclowns of the Week 38-63.
  • #103: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Toilet edition
  • #102: Orange is the New Fat edition
  • #101: Electoral College Dropouts edition
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  • #98: Get Bentghazi edition
  • #97: SNAPping Your Fingers at the Poor edition
  • #96: Treat or Treat, Kiss My Ass edition
  • #95: Monumental Stupidity double-sized edition
  • #94: House of 'Tards edition
  • #93: You Da Bomb! edition.
  • #92: Akin to a Fool edition.
  • #91: Aurora Moronealis edition.
  • #90: Keep Your Gubmint Hands Off My High Pre'mums and Deductibles! edition.
  • #89: Occupy the Catbird Seat/Thanksgiving edition.
  • #88: Heil Hitler edition.
  • #87: Let Sleeping Elephants Lie edition.
  • #86: the Maniacs edition.
  • #85: The Top 50 Assclowns of 2010 edition.
  • #(19)84: Midterm Madness edition.
  • #83: Spill, Baby, Spill! edition.
  • #82: Leave Corporations Alone, They’re People! edition.
  • #81: Hatin' on Haiti edition.
  • #80: Don't Get Your Panties in a Twist edition.
  • #79: Top 50 Assclowns of 2009 edition.
  • #78: Nattering Nabobs of Negativism edition.
  • #77: ...And Justice For Once edition.
  • #76: Reading Tea Leaves/Labor Day edition.
  • #75: Diamond Jubilee/Inaugural Edition
  • #74: Dropping the Crystal Ball Edition
  • #73: The Twelve Assclowns of Christmas Edition
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  • #70: Soulless Corporations and the Politicians Who Love Them Edition
  • Paul Ryan's Top Ten Conditions on Running for the Speakership
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  • Top 10 Emails Hacked From the Bush Family's Email Accounts
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  • Top 10 Events at the Romney Olympics.
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  • Top 10 Facts About Tonight's New England/Denver Game.
  • My Top 10 Resolutions.
  • Top 10 Rejected Slogans of the Romney Campaign.
  • Top 10 Reasons Herman Cain Suspended His Campaign.
  • Top 10 Trending Topics on Twitter During #OWS Eviction.
  • Top 10 Herman Cain Pickup Lines.
  • Top 10 Changes Since Anthony Weiner Decided to Resign.
  • Top 10 Inaccuracies re bin Laden's Death.
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  • Top Ten Things Not to Say When You're Pulled Over.
  • Top 10 Reasons Why Donald Trump Bowed Out of the Presidential Race.
  • Top 10 Ways Evangelicals Will Prepare for the Rapture II.
  • Top 10 Revelations in Today's Parliament Inquiry into News Corp.
  • Top 10 Reasons Why There Was No Vote on the Debt Ceiling Last Night.
  • Top 10 Revelations in Dick Cheney's Upcoming Memoir.
  • Top Ten Ways Americans Will Observe the 10th Anniversary of 9/11.
  • Top Ten Advances in Women's Rights in Saudi Arabia.
  • Top Ten Inaccuracies in Bill O'Reilly's Book About Lincoln.
  • Top Ten Suggestions From the Cat Food Commission.
  • Top Ten Worst Moments in George W. Bush's Presidency.
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  • Top Ten Ways That Jan Brewer Will Celebrate Cinco de Mayo
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  • Top 10 Items Left Behind in Rush Limbaugh's Apartment
  • Top Ten Things Barack Obama said to Rush Limbaugh in the Hospital
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  • Empire Of The Senseless.
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  • Wikileaks.
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  • Babelfish, an instant, online translator. I love to translate Ann Coulter's site into German.
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  • Wikipedia.
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