Gotham City News Digest

     He hasn't even been sworn in as NRA President, yet, and Oliver North is already slandering the Parkland shooting survivors by calling them "criminals." Yes, the convicted thug who was at the center of Iran-Contra called Emma Gonzalez, David Hogg and the other teenage survivors of that nightmare "criminals." Projection, thy name is Ollie.

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     C'mon, you didn't think that John Kelly, Trump's Chief of Staff, was actually the obligatory sane, rational, normal adult in this shit show of an administration, did you? After all, this was a guy who'd once infamously said on Laura Ingraham's show last October that "slavery thrived on compromise." Well, he just put his foot into the melting pot again when he said that, "most immigrants don't integrate well." Which would include, I imagine, Kelly's Irish Catholic ancestors when they first arrived, considering we weren't too nuts about anyone entering this country who wasn't white and Protestant. Kelly also seems to be unaware of the immigrants still coming into this country for skilled positions such as those in the medical and technology fields. There's a lot that John Kelly's unaware of. But he also said in the same NPR interview that Trump was "embarrassed" by the Russia probe. This is a guy who bragged about sexually assaulting women on a hot mic and compared his having unprotected sex with the risks and dangers faced by those who'd fought in Vietnam. No, Johnny boy, I don't think Trump's capable of being embarrassed by anything.

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     Speaking of administration assholes named Kelly, why does Kelly Sadler still have a job when she said it didn't matter what McCain thought because "he's dying, anyway"?

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     If Mike Pence was a detective, he'd be Inspector Clouseau. Because someone unearthed some audio from one of Pence's radio shows when he exploded, "Is adultery no longer a big deal in America? I believe the 7th commandment is STILL a big deal. It’s the most important promise you’ll ever make. Holding people accountable to those promises…what could possibly be a BIGGER deal?" Yes, Pence actually said that in a heated moment. Now think about who he works for, a guy who's been in more vaginas than Tampax, before, during and after his three marriages, the first two of which ended when he cheated on his wives. I guess the Commandment that means more to Pence than the 7th is Reagan's 11th.

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     Poor Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen. She's trying her damnedest to be the Mike Pence of Homeland Security. She's trying like a one-nut on his honeymoon to downplay Trump's obvious racism regarding his so-called immigration policy but that still isn't enough for Donnie Dumbo. Recently, during an immigration-themed Cabinet meeting, Nielsen tried to remind Trump about various immigration laws but Trump don't observe laws real good, bigly. In fact, he grew so frustrated with Nielsen, he publicly berated her for 30 minutes, nearly causing her to resign, according to the NY Times. I guess she didn't get the memo that Cabinet meetings with Trump are really just thinly-disguised verbal fellatio sessions to the tune of "Hail to the Chief."

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     Chuck Grassley's got some career advice for Supreme Court Justices: Get the fuck out so Trump can pack the court with his own idealogues like another Germanic strongman had over 80 years ago. And when one looks at the current make up of the Supreme Court, you just know who Grassley was really talking about. Well, considering that Grassley's 84, just a year younger than Ruth Bader Ginsburg, perhaps it's time someone reminded him to put his own aging ass out to pasture in some Iowa cornfield. Oh, Bill Mumy, where are you when we need you?

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     Lastly, it seems in his waning days of power, Paul Ryan seems to be vying for the title of the biggest cocksucker in the government. But, as usual, Trump's nipping at his heels, with Pence bringing up the rear.