Top Ten Lessons I Learned This Month: Grand Theft Autocrat Edition

10) No foreign policy experience for a Vice President serving under a man well into his 70's, at a time of greater-than-usual geopolitical upheaval, still is preferable to one with decades of solid, productive foreign policy experience.

9) A $700 billion bailout of greedy, corrupt corporations in order to "fix" the economy isn't blackmail at all. Blackmail requires the victim to retain the ability to do or not do a specific action. This is grand larceny, plain and simple.

8) Saving multi-millionaires and billionaires and a brain-dead woman takes precedence over a city full of people who are drowning to death.

7) The Presidency is a job that doesn't require multitasking and in which you can just punch out at five and let Sarah Palin run the country for the other 16 hours.

6) "A Palin/McCain administration" would lead into the 21st century a bankrupt and disreputable country, by a man who's already challenging actuarial tables and a woman who thinks that witches are out to get her.


5) The only thing standing between us and a risky $700,000,000,000 that would gouge the American taxpayer to the tune of $5300 is the Republican Party.

4) Foreign policy experience can be absorbed by osmosis due to sheer geographical proximity. This week, I also learned to play concert piano because my next door neighbor owns one.

3) It's perfectly normal for two allies to shoot at eachother and for one to bomb the shit out of its country.

2) It's also perfectly normal to not care about yet keep valuable gifts that you choose not to declare and to blame your wife when you get indicted after a corruption probe.

1) Holy shit, Clay Aiken really is gay. Isn't it safe to believe anything, anymore?