Assclowns of the Week #72: Trick or Treat Election Day Edition

For a nation renowned for its instant gratification, we have over the last eight years been subjected to some protracted, drawn-out shit: The 2000 presidential election results. The last three and a half innings of the World Series. A year and a half between seasons of Lost. And a general election cycle that, perhaps not coincidentally, has lasted for exactly as long as an elephant’s gestation.

But the election will finally be over this Tuesday (if Diebold and ES&S are magnanimous enough to sit this one out and give us the appearance of a workable democracy. Yeah, I thought that was a good one, too).

But as huge as is the news of the election and the emergence of our nation’s first African American president (if Diebold and ES&S are magnanimous enough to sit this one out and give us the appearance of a workable democracy. Sorry, that joke gets funnier every time I write it), we had other assclownery afoot this past week that was both related and unrelated to the hacker Olympics presidential election.

There was Sarah Palin (10) for shedding her clothes and calling the GOP on reverse rape; Let’s not forget Ted Stevens (3, 9) who perhaps should’ve nominated his home for renovation on This Old House rather than relying on oil companies to do the work for free and on the sly; skinheads (6) for attempting to bring back the days of the dapper criminals and Bill O'Reilly (1) for responding to mild criticism with police action.

It's only fitting that elections take place right after Halloween and this general election is providing us with a bumper crop of Republican ghouls and goblins. So come get your goodies, kiddies. Pay no mind to the Republican assclowns on either side of the walkway and much, much more!

10) Sarah Palin

Sure, one cannot overestimate or underestimate Sarah Palin, a latter-day Sally Fields in desperate need of anti-cult deprogramming. But it bears pointing out, Palin’s pathetic excuse for wearing $150,000 worth of clothes and makeup that was cruelly foisted off on her by the shopping zombies of the Republican National Committee. Because, according to St. Sarah, she didn’t buy the clothes and never knew that they cost more than what 85% of Americans make in a year.

Oh, how the RNC must’ve bruised her delicate skin as they held her down day after day while perfectly applying that makeup and pulling those expensive duds over her limbs and torso. Only weeks after the flap over her threads erupted, Palin appeared at a rally in blue jeans reportedly bought from her “favorite consignment store in Anchorage, Alaska” singing “I’m a Redneck Woman.”

Sounds like she and her future hockey-playing son in law will get along just fine.

9) Ted Stevens

In damning with faint pity, the Wa Po said last Tuesday,

The amount of freebies that Mr. Stevens accepted to renovate his Alaska ‘chalet’ is significant, but the individual components -- a Viking grill, a vibrating Shiatsu massage lounger, a five-foot steel sculpture of migrating salmon -- underscore the petty needlessness of Mr. Stevens’s crime.

It’s kind of ironic that Stevens, unlike bigger thinkers like Tom DeLay and Duke Cunningham, who have been convicted and indicted for much larger sums of money, was convicted of corruption charges for failing to disclose a relatively paltry $250,000 in gifts and home renovations. It’s ironic considering that Stevens, in his three dozen years in the Senate, steered countless tens of billions of dollars in worthless earmarks Alaska’s way.

It brings to mind Ollie North, who was smack dab in the middle of the Iran-Contra scandal, getting himself snow tires. It almost makes one pine for the likes of Cheney, DeLay and Cunningham, crooks you could admire for the sheer audacious scale of their rapacity.

Stevens' piker ambitions are also kind of reminiscent of Sarah Palin’s greatest legacy as mayor of the “city” of Wasilla: a hockey rink and adjacent property that was built before obtaining unchallenged rights to the land. Oh, and it’s somehow connected to who built the $552,000 Palin Manor.

But there's hope, yet, Stevens fans! Because Teddy and his lawyer are asking Attorney General Michael B. Mukasey to investigate misconduct on the part of his fellow Republicans, the prosecutors who'd tried Stevens' case.

OK, the irony is just too obvious and heavy-handed. Republicans are plainly going for laughs at this point...

8) Right Wingers

It wouldn't be inaccurate to say that Barack Obama this year has been the wild hyacinth to the Curly Howards of the Republican Party. As the Konservative Kalliope of Kraziness reaches its inevitable crescendo, not too many wingnuts stand out in terms of original assclownery.

To wit, Bill Cunningham for claiming that poor people are poor not because they’ve been victimized by the GOP’s Big Gubmint but “because they lack values, morals, and ethics.” Of course, Cunningham didn't explain the likes of Duke Cunningham (spiritually related), Tom DeLay, Dick Cheney and the Nazi-loving Bush clan.

Dennis Prager sniffed that the concept of equality is a European ideal and not an American one. Which is an assertion proved by pointing to the part of the US Constitution that says, "All men are created equal." Which is, of course, a document written and endorsed by wealthy slave owners who apparently never thought to include black people and women in that lofty ideal.

Then there was still inexplicably nationally televised future prison shower bait Tom DeLay, who told Chris Matthews on MSNBC that he had Obama “tagged… as a Marxist months ago.” Gee, Bug Boy, what took you so long? Sarah Palin had him tagged as a terrorist back when he was eight years old and the Weathermen were active.

Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo! Moe, Larry, tickle me!

7) Ashley Todd


McCain campaign volunteer Ashley Todd thought it would be a boon to her man’s campaign if she falsely claimed to be jumped and robbed of $60 by a black man who would then carve a backwards “B” on her face (as if, I dunno, it was self-inflicted in a mirror) because of her McCain bumper sticker.

There’s a sickening double racism at work in this amateurish stunt (smudged mascara for an unswollen black eye?). Firstly, this is just one of many, many examples of antebellum-era rednecks who simply cannot stand the idea of a black man getting in the White House, even if it means indirectly sabotaging their own man’s campaign. Secondly, in creating out of thin air a black assailant, it perpetuates, with the aid of an ever-compliant MSM that generally features minorities only when they’re the alleged perpetrators rather than the victims, the myth that black people generally carry out these crimes against right proper white people.

We learned that much when Charles Stuart shot his pregnant wife in Boston and Susan Smith in South Carolina drowned her three young sons. And while we’re on the subject of these fine white salts of the earth…

6) Neonazis

…Tennessee also made the news in another Obama-related item. Daniel Cowart and Paul Schlesselman are about to bring back an era when even criminals knew how to dress and dress well. Or, they would’ve if they hadn’t been stupid enough to discuss their nation-wide killing spree on the Internet.

Included in the itinerary: Murdering 88 people, decapitating 14 African Americans, speeding toward Barack Obama in a car with shotguns ablaze and wearing white tuxedos and top hats in the process.

My God, we haven’t seen such fashion sense in criminals since these guys!

5) Rick Davis

“The most amazingly bankrupt line I’ve seen in this campaign is Barack Obama campaign’s repeated attempt to link John McCain to President Bush. John McCain held the Bush administrations feet the fire more than anyone else for the first four years of the administration.” --- McCain campaign manager Rick Davis.

Sometimes that was true. But note, while he was talking and gargling Koolaid at the same time like a one man ventriloquist act that Davis ignored the last four years, during which, after a brief, faux rebellion, McCain eventually let Bush have his Military Tribunal Bill, came to embrace Bush’s tax cuts for the Haves and Have Mores, supported offshore drilling, the perpetuation of the war in Iraq and, by his own admission, “voted with the president over 90% of the time.”

Yeah, he sure held his feet to the fire, all right. Maybe that’s why Bush was doing this while waiting for McCain so he could give him his endorsement.

4) Michele Bachmann

Call her Katherine Harris 2.0

Last Thursday in a radio debate with her Democratic rival Elwyn Tinklenberg, Michele Bachmann proved how well she knows the vox populi in Minnesota's 6th congressional district. Addressing her comments to Chris Matthews on Hardball on the 17th about suggesting an investigation into Barack Obama and other "liberal" and "unAmerican" members of Congress, Bachman said,

BACHMANN: Well Gary, that is not an issue that has been a part of the campaign, and it’s not a part of the campaign, and it’s not what people are interested in. If they were, that’s something we’d be talking about. But it isn’t what people have been asking me about.

Q: Nobody is concerned about your comments on Hardball?

BACHMANN: Not when I’ve been out. … The only people who bring that up are the media. It’s not the people.

But Minnesota Public Radio's website tells us,

But the controversy that Bachmann sees as a non-issue resulted in a financial windfall for Tinklenberg. Donations to his campaign have totaled nearly $2 million in the past two weeks.

Like the old saying goes: Money talks and bullshit walks.

There's also a poll taken by the same Minnesota Public Radio one week ago that found 40% of likely voters were less inclined to support Bachmann just because of her statements on Hardball two weeks ago.

Then there's also the very existence of CensureBachmann.com, an online petition that, last time I checked, had gathered 56,722 signatures.

But FDMIYAR: Facts Don't Matter If You're a Republican.

3) Ted Stevens

"...and I want you, Spidey, to then bury Begich's body in the AWNR..."

In case you're wondering how Teddy is doing on his own campaign trail, here's a transcript (albeit horribly spelled) of his last debate with Democrat Paul Begich, the Anchorage mayor who's going to kick Stevens' ass out of the Senate. Among the lowlights:

He stated twice that he has not been convicted of anything, despite having been convicted just days ago on seven counts of making false statements on financial disclosure forms. Yes, Stevens, a senior lawmaker, thinks that an appeals process suspends a multiple conviction.

Then there was this:

Tracy: Is Gov. Palin qualified, sir, as president

Stevens: Yes she is. Yes she is. I think she is... I think she’s qualified and I think our people would like to see her become president, vice president.

I’d like to see her become president, as a matter of fact.

You just know I'm saving the best for last, right?

On Iraq, Stevens was asked by the moderator, "Knowing what you know now, do you think that the country of Iraq and Saddam Hussein played a role in the 9/11 attack on the United States?"

(A nobrainer, right? Time to beat a hasty retreat, to admit the jig is up, cut and run and otherwise completely repudiate this horribly illegal and costly war, right? Uh, well...)

Stevens: I know more than you think I know, and I believe they did.

OK, it's an isolated peak, right? No one else in the country could possibly adopt such an idiotic position, you would think. You'd be wrong.

2) Joe Fischer and Hunter Bush

And just so we don't forget that the south has incendiary ideas regarding race relations, two University of Kentucky students, Joe Fischer and Hunter (what are the odds?) Bush were arrested on Thursday for burning an effigy of Barack Obama... on campus. Why did they do this? Because someone hung an effigy of Sarah Palin in California. Yeah, that's it.

Here's the thing. The Palin mannequin was part of a Halloween display. One in extremely poor taste, sure, but it resulted in no legal action or arrests and the homeowner voluntarily took it down. Another minor difference is that the effigy in Kentucky was of a black man and was burned, which I'm willing to bet qualifies as a hate crime, which would automatically carry stiffer penalties.


1) Bill O’Reilly

Making the top spot this week is Bill O, for wanting to have Bill Burton arrested for upsetting poor little Megyn Kelly. Who knew that Kelly would be so savaged by that vicious Obama flak, especially since MK called Obama a "socialist"? Who did Burton think he was in pointing out that Fox has a (gasp) partisan agenda?

And Burton's mild protest is certainly more reprehensible in terms of sheer nastiness than the inspiration for Lewis Prothero saying three years ago that it would be perfectly OK for al Qaeda to blow up the Coit Tower.

What's next? Telepathic police who anticipate your actions and read your thoughts before you even have a chance to express or publish...?

Hold on, there's a knock on my door. Must be trick or treaters. Brb...

Trick or Treat!

Remember these two clowns? They're rumored to still be skulking about in the shadows of the White House, racking their addled brains in their waning moments of power for ideas on how they can possibly top Iraq, 9/11, Hurricane Katrina. Secretaries, aides and even Cub Scout and senior citizen tour groups are getting waterboarded and pistol-whipped for not coming up with any workable suggestions.

Well, there's always Iran but now that Iraq's been proven to be a bust, the American public has woken up just enough to be cynical about another war over WMD's and, besides, it can't be said that Iran has been accomodatingly belligerent enough (Luckily the post-Musharraf Pakistan makes for a good consolation prize). There's also huge arms sales to both Saudi Arabia and Israel, which would take the pressure off us to fight the latter's proxy wars.

Of course, on the homefront, there's still the economy and the subprime crisis that turned out to be the catalyst for the global meltdown. There's the 6.1% unemployment rate, the looming half a trillion dollar deficit for next year. There's the matter of the martial law that apparently has already been declared and will be enforced by Infragard, the boxcars with the chains and handcuffs built into them that were first ordered by the Clinton administration.

How about fucking over American consumers and the environment by relaxing about 90 regulations that could last well into the next administration?

There's always continuing to ignore the Darfur genocide at the hands of the janjaweed, cutting funding for AIDS research and birth control in Africa or refusing to abolish vulture funds that have been responsible for impoverished third world African countries getting taken into court.

But somehow, even those things just don't seem to be the pip that the Bush administration is searching for, that high note that seems to elude the end of every administration.

Well, there's always this guy following Bush. How's that for a curtain call, people?

So, Politicians Are Boring, Eh?

Far and away the funniest, most ingenious politically-oriented video I've ever seen. And I practically live on Youtube, ya'll. Yo Yo.

It Puts the Lotion on its Skin

...or else it gets the hose again.

This is kind of the way I feel every election day: depersonalized by the Buffalo Bills of our electoral process while still needed to perform the one simple task they need from me. Namely by voting for them.

The rest of the time, you're in the pit fed on scraps. Does anyone else feel this way and are getting sick and tired of it?

Yep, It's that Time of Year Again

Well, you didn't think there wouldn't be another edition less than a week before election day, didja?

Ideas, suggestions, complaints? Not responsible for lost or stolen ideas.

Puttin' On the Ritz

I have to agree with the Rude Pundit. The arrest of these sub Bozo-class dorkwad Harris and Klebold wannabes, Daniel Cowart and Paul Schlesselman, for plotting to kill 88 people, decapitate 14 African Americans, culminating in the murder of Barack Obama stinks worse than a buzzard's morning breath. In fact, it reeks worse than a minstrel show minus the black grease paint and the occasional cheap laugh.

And the Rude One is right: This is the last pathetic, wheezing gasp of a right wing hate movement that had once bombed churches in Birmingham, murdering black children and kept a booming slave trade alive for better than four centuries. But I'm going to focus not on these skin-headed poster boys for condoms or their ludicrous plot to kill 88 people and chop off the heads of 14 black people (Were they planning on killing 87 people and/or decapitating 13, saving President Obama who would be swaddled with massive Secret Service security details for their glorious coup de grace? Or were they planning on killing Obama first and deluding themselves into thinking they could remain free long enough to kill the final 87? The mind boggles.).

When yours truly first heard this story last night after a hard day at work, the first thing I thought of on reading this interrupted Irving Berlin nightmare (white top hats and tails???) was, "Now, we wouldn't be talking about the "Liberty Tower" again, would we?

You remember that, right? Over two and a half years ago, Bush and Co. uncovered a terror plot involving Richard Reid shoe bombs, exploding cockpit doors and other trappings of bad airplane movies from "Snakes on a Plane" to "Executive Decision" to "Passenger 57." As it turned out, any spade work done to interrupt this very serious al Qaeda plot was actually done by Thai authorities.

Then there was the Woody Allen plot to blow up Kennedy airport by detonating a fuel tank, a masterstroke of terrorism genius that involved fake pizza deliveries.

Then there was the Chicago Seven, the seven al Qaeda groupies who were "plotting" to blow up the Sears Tower in the Windy City. As with the Kennedy airport "plot", it was buried in the fine print that neither "terror cell" was operational.

The list goes on and on like a diseased Energizer Bunny.

Now, JP isn't saying that there aren't any dangerous racist lunatics out there and obviously the feds would be criminally negligent if they didn't follow up on any and every lead that threatens the life of Sen. Obama or any prominent official.

But it seems to me that, in the wake of 9/11, we have more to fear from celebrities who kill their wives, disgruntled high school students and whoever murdered Jennifer Hudson's mother, brother and nephew than we do al Qaeda and post-GOP neonazi skinheads.

Of course, that's a gross oversimplification and isn't meant to be taken even with a grain of salt, even for third grade entertainment value. But what other conclusion is more tempting considering how many very real, very dangerous and very heavily-armed and well-financed skinheads and Middle Eastern terrorists are out there just waiting for the Keystone Kops of the US government to arrest, detain and torture them?

The very fact that these peckerheads Cowart and Schlesselman got caught before they had a chance to even inflict a serious paper cut on a black person's neck proves how neolithically stupid they are. Yet the news, which in a saner world wouldn't have even made the local police blotter considering what a complete tool fest it is, seems crafted as in a desperate reassurance that, yes, old Uncle Sam's still got it and is on the job.

Seriously. White tuxedos and top hats??? Was this the tipping point, this bizarre aside, that made it international news? The reason why Barack Obama got Secret Service protection earlier than any other presidential candidate ever is because of all the death threats he began getting practically the minute he announced his candidacy in Chicago early last year.

It appears that fear and sensationalism sell just as briskly for the MSM as it does for the current administration. Otherwise, who would care that the McCain volunteer who was attacked by a black man over a bumper sticker and had a backwards "B" carved into her face wasn't actually attacked nor mutilated by a black man at all but by her crazy-ass inner Lynndie England?

The Shellback Initiation of John McCain

For unknown and unknowable reasons, the Village People neglected to mention this in their famous paean to our nation's Navy. Also ignoring the Shellback Initiation are those really cool Navy recruiting commercials that had once featured the music of Godsmack and the posters that likewise didn't show this fine, nautical tradition or the deck-mopping, barnacle-scraping, mess-cranking and other exalted functions of the niggers of the Navy.

For those of you who have never been stupid enough to join the Navy (an acronym for Never Again Volunteer Yourself), the Shellback Initiation is for sailors (or pollywogs) when they cross the equator for the first time. It is far and away the singularly most disgusting ordeal to which most humans will ever be subjected. It makes very, very little distinction between ranks. Noncoms and officers alike have it coming to them. If you're a SEAL making your way across the equatorial zone (especially if you still have sand from Coronado Island between your toes), chances are you'll get it harder since you're supposed to be a badass.

The Shellback Initiation varies from ship to ship but here's what it generally entails:

When a sailor crosses the equator for the first time, he is forced to undergo the hazing ritual. It involves crawling through a tunnel on the way to the Kingdom of Neptune. The tunnel, typically installed on the fore of the ship, will be filled with the vilest, nastiest shit on God's earth. Rotten, putrid food and drink, maybe even piss and shit, are thrown in the tunnel.

If the guys in front of you vomit on their way to the Magic Kingdom (as they inevitably will)... the more the merrier. It adds to the aromatic experience.

As you're negotiating your way through this olfactory Purgatory, you will be beaten through the canvas walls of the tunnel by socks filled with other vile shit. If, on the problematic possibility that you actually make it through without passing out, awaiting you on the other end is King Neptune and his bitch.

King Neptune tends to be the fattest, most hirsute guy on the ship (typically a chief or higher). You either have to kiss his belly until he's satisfied that you've earned your way to the Kingdom or, if your shipmates really want to put you through the ringer, they'll make it even more challenging. Some ships, like the one I was on, would insert into this fat slob's navel a maraschino cherry, olive or cocktail onion and you'd have to pick it out with your teeth.

Oh, did I mention that, in order to raise the degree of difficulty, they slather King Neptune's ample belly with axle grease, oil, mustard or whatever else they can get their grubby hands on? Yeah, there’s that, too.

At the end of this complete waste of time and taxpayer dollars, you're then given a card and you'd better keep it. It's like those tickets you get at booths on toll roads. Lose it and you pay the full price. In this case, you'll have to go through the shit (literally) all over again the next time you cross the equator.

What we're seeing during this election is the Shellback Initiation of John McCain. It all started out harmlessly enough.

First, Commodore George W. Bush (Honorable) and First Mate Richard Cheney threw in the tunnel some stale Koolaid that was first mixed during the Reagan years. And, since nothing tortures like torture itself and, after a brief maverick period in which he tried to back out, McCain then gamely proceeded through the electrodes attached to battery chargers, being snapped at by attack dogs and, for good measure, some of Kurt Weldon’s Freedom Fries from 2002.

The Christian faction of the ship of state tossed in some goodies of their own, including venom from the snakes they handle during their Hosanna sessions, holy water and fresh bile from the bile ducts of James Dobson, Rod Parsley and John Hagee.

Corporatists also anted up with petrodollars sodden with real petroleum drilled from offshore and putrid Halliburton water laden with bacteria from the Euphrates.

His own campaign provided the coup de grace by inserting near the exit of the tunnel stale semen from some mullet-headed redneck who knocked up his running mate's daughter. He has to say at least once, "I'm John McCain and I approve this unwanted pregnancy, sir!"

Then, at the end of the tunnel, awaits King Karl, the Lord of the Watery Underworld and his wife, Sarah Palin. It was long and arduous, the trip through the right wing tunnel, but tradition is tradition and McCain is now officially a political shellback. Or, he would be if King Karl the Kingmaker was satisfied with McCain picking that olive from his greased-up navel. The problem is, Queen Sarah and he make a pretty bad couple and King Karl’s never quite forgiven him.

No doubt, John McCain ought to be proud of his own political migration across the equatorial line that separates moderate Republicans and Democrats from the stupid, cruel factions that have held his own Shellback Initiation. But there are others who aren’t impressed, no matter how many times John climbs through that narrow, fetid tunnel on his belly and that coveted, ever-elusive Shellback card will never be his.

Letter From a Wingnut, 2012

Can't you smell the Republican flop sweat in the air? You can just stick out your tongue and drink the desperation from James Dobson's snake handlers that drenches the air like summer humidity. And Republicans of all agendas understand that when all else fails, when your boob who's currently on the stump can suck a baseball through 100 feet of garden hose, you can always fall back on bigotry and homophobia. Huzzah for fear!

From some geniuses over at Focus on the Family Action comes "Letter From a Christian 2012 in Obama's America." It can be found in a .pdf format here if you can stand to be in James "Last of the Dog Beaters" Dobson's official website. It's been burning up the right side of the blogosphere through emails and has been generously linked on worthy sites such as World Nut Daily and WomenforPalin.

This science fiction scenario that's worthy of gold medal-winning psychopath Tim LaHaye proposes these changes under an Obama presidency:

* Six liberal justices sit on the Supreme Court after the immediate resignation of John Paul Stevens and Ruth Bader Ginsburg and the later resignations of Antonin Scalia and Anthony Kennedy.
* Homosexual marriage has been ruled a constitutional right that must be respected by all 50 states.
* The Boy Scouts have disbanded rather than obey a decision forcing them to allow homosexual scoutmasters. (The Scouts already had been kicked out of public facilities because of an expansion of the 1964 Civil Rights Act to cover people who engage in homosexual behavior.)
* Elementary schools have compulsory training in varieties of gender identity. Courts rule parents cannot opt out their children, because the training is deemed essential to psychological health.
* Evangelical and Catholic adoption agencies cease to exist after the Supreme Court rules they must agree to place children with homosexuals or lose their licenses.
* Church buildings are now considered a "public accommodation" by the United States Supreme Court, and churches have no freedom to refuse to allow their buildings to be used for wedding ceremonies for homosexual couples.
* High schools are no longer free to allow "see you at the pole" meetings where students pray together or any student Bible studies even before or after school.
* The Supreme Court barred public schools in all 50 states from allowing churches to rent their facilities, even on Sundays, when school was not in session.
* Obama signed the Freedom of Choice Act, as he promised the Planned Parenthood Action Fund last year, nullifying hundreds of state laws that had created even the slightest barrier to abortion.
* The Supreme Court in 2011 nullified all Federal Communications Commission restrictions on obscene speech or visual content in radio and TV broadcasts, and television programs at all hours of the day now contain explicit portrayals of sexual acts.
* As a result of a reversal of its 5-4 decision in the D.C. gun-ownership case, it is now illegal for private citizens to own guns for self-defense in eight states, and the number is growing with increasing Democratic control of state legislatures and governorships
* Parents' freedom to teach their children at home has been severely restricted nationwide after the Supreme Court followed the legal reasoning of a Feb. 28, 2008, ruling by the Second District Court of Appeal in California.

Throw in the destruction of right wing hate radio through the "Fairness Doctrine" and Obama's campaign promise to get us out of Iraq once and for all within the first 16 months of his administration resulting in terrorists pouring into Iraq from Iran and Syria and you have everything you need to know about how panicked the Christopaths are that there won't be a Palin/McCain administration.

Apparently, when Sarah Palin was cuckolded on McCain's dysfunctional campaign, everything that Dobson said about McCain last February suddenly was no longer relevant. Not the temper tantrums, the foul language, the stance on issues that McCain still hasn't gotten around to reversing.

Sarah Palin has once again made John McCain look respectable enough to be our next Commander in Chief, civilized him, made him godly enough to pass muster on the seedy starboard side of the tracks.

And then, once McCain was successfully reinstalled closer to heaven, it was time to attack Obama in the 11th hour of this election. It was time for a hypothetical scenario in which the Boy Scouts voluntarily disbanded rather than sleeping with homosexual scoutmasters.

Gay marriage will be foisted off on all 50 states, in spite of the fact that both Obama and Biden have categorically stated that they're both against gay marriage.

The only welcome prophecies in this unbelievable screed is the end of right wing hate radio and the resignation of Antonin Scalia.

This 16 page screed left my brain number than an Inuit's nuts during a cold snap. If you dare, click on the link above and read the thing in full if you feel like giving yourself a literary lobotomy. This is sheer wingnuttery at its finest and well worth keeping in mind four years from now when Obama runs for reelection.

Assclown of the Day

Kudos to Brad Blakeman, who said yesterday on NBC that the real scandal isn't Sarah Palin's $150,000 wardrobe, it's Barack Obama "taking a 767 campaign plane to go visit Grandma."

What a class act, eh? No word, yet, on what Blakeman thought about George W. Bush taking Air Force One from Crawford, Texas to Washington just he could sign a bill jammed through Congress to keep a brain-dead woman alive.

No word, either on the colossal cheating of his man John McCain breaking his own law requiring candidates to pay charter rates instead of first class air fare. McCain got around that rather conveniently: By claiming poverty when his campaign was starved of cash and being (sniff) forced to fly on one of his wife's corporate jets for a song and a dance. Time and time and time and time again.

Which, to Blakeman's cockroach brain, I guess is supposed to make McCain look like a paragon of fiscal responsibility by conspicuous relief, even if one (rightly) discounts the campaign's mantra of McCain flying in coach.

Like Keith Olbermann, I'm still astounded that anyone from the far right would even dare to attack Obama for flying to Hawaii on his campaign jet to visit his gravely ill grandmother, which, to people who don't boast a charcoal briquette for a heart would consider a family emergency. To do so just to defend the RNC spending $150,000 on Palin's family (which had made GOP donors livid with rage) makes it even more rickety as a moral argument.

As Sam Seder says, if the shoe was on the other foot and if some mid-level Democrat took a swipe at McCain for visiting his own mother during a family emergency, it would be "an eight day story." But IOKIYAR.

So let's hear it for the party of family values and Blakeman, a guy who attacks a man for visiting his dying grandmother in order to defend a pack of glorified hillbillies from the klondike who are spending money like, well, drunken sailors.

I wonder if Bristol Palin was bought any maternity dresses?

Bored

Look, guys, I've gotta be honest with you: Even though I've been dutifully blogging about this election and taking the politically-correct liberal stance against McCain, blogging about this election has been a painful duty. I mean, Sarah fucking Palin and her family of grifters? John "Iraq/Pakistan Border" McCain still nipping at Obama's heels? And even though we stand a pretty good chance of electing our first black president...

...how come I'm so fucking bored with all the election coverage and with the election in general? Is anyone else experiencing this? Is it merely campaign fatigue or does anyone else seriously suspect that they just don't give a shit even though the immediate and longterm future of our democracy is at stake?

Conservative and Liberal Pollsters: Obama by a Landslide

Michael Collins at Scoop USA today posted a fascinating article entitled, "Votemaster, TruthIsAll, & Election * Projection Call it for Obama - Big!"

The results calling for Obama to win the electoral vote by as much as 368-170 and for the Illinois senator to win the popular vote by 7-9 points is huge considering the disparity in the 2004 data between these three independent polling analysts.

These polls are especially valuable when one considers that Votemaster is libertarian, Election * Projection is very conservative while TruthIsAll is unabashedly liberal. Yet these three polling analysts came up with virtually identical numbers despite representing a wide cross-section of political bias/ideology. These results are also very notable, to say the least, because all three places used a more comprehensive methodology and a running mathematical model, taking a nation-wide poll.

Polls done by places like AP/Ipsos, CNN, Zobgy, Gallup and so forth vary so wildly and are therefore suspect because they're often not nationwide, because political bias does influence the results and often the language of the questions is badly-worded. Plus, crucial data and demographics are not factored in.

For instance: A month ago, the Pew Research Center did a limited poll in which landline users and/or cell phone users were asked whom they supported. The results were startling.

Pew discovered a factor previously ignored by other polling agencies: That cell phone users were more prone to vote for Obama while landline users were more or less evenly split between Obama and McCain (The September polling showed virtually a dead heat between the two candidates among strictly landline and landline/cell phone users). Since young people, who overwhelmingly favor Obama, are infamous for living and dying by their cell phones, you would think that someone before Pew last month would've factored this in.

In June 18-29, 61% of cell phone users supported Obama compared to only 32% for the technologically-challenged McCain. This revealed an important undervote for Obama that could significantly skew all the conventional polling done up to that point, considering how many millions of young cell phone users 18+ there are in America.

So read Collins' article and follow the links. If you're a political junkie like me (and why would you be here if you weren't?), it'll make for fascinating (and comforting) bedtime reading.

Panic in Needle Nation

"OMFG! The nigger's gonna win!"

You can see them shuffling through the streets of the "real" America, incipient panic rounding out their jaundiced, bloodshot eyes. They present their stippled, heavily-tracked forearms, moaning in between withdrawal retches, "We're hurtin' man, we're fuckin' hurtin'! Vote for McCain in November! Ble-e-e-ech!"

And like true heroin junkies who need to beg, borrow or steal $500 for their daily fix, Republican addicts are pulling out all the stops and are resorting to every dirty trick in the book to smear Barack Obama, an army of puling amateur Karl Roves who can't find any selling points for their mummy of a candidate and have to resort to regurgitating bile, eight year-old Koolaid and lies.

It's Panic in Needle Park only on a national scale.

Why, O why didn't the FDA warn them that Koolaid could be so addictive? Isn't there any scientific, peer-reviewed data proving that that zesty, refreshing summer drink with the sloshing manic pitcher mascot shuts down synaptical functions?

It must also cripple medium- and short-term memory. It was only a little over eight years ago that we were offered another boob who couldn't be bothered to choose his own running mate, couldn't get straight the names of certain world leaders, cozied up to corrupt corporate types who haven't the slightest problem with rear-ending the public with the alacrity and industry of that Turkish jailer in Midnight Express and who acted like a petulant, spoiled frat boy who was left frustrated at his date's sorority house door.

How soon they forget in their strung out racism, religious intolerance and random acts of vandalism and violence that voting Republican is exactly, as Alicia Morgan says, like the chickens voting for Col. Sanders.

And even as they squat and shiver buck naked within the foundation walls atop which used to sit their homes, unable to file for bankruptcy, offered only free market health care that's complicated, capricious and over-priced, as their sons and daughters get sent to Iraq and Afghanistan to needlessly meet their early deaths, their dollars more worthless than ever, their fourth amendment rights in tatters, their land, air and water more polluted than ever, their jobs getting shipped overseas by the millions and replaced with antifreeze and lead-contaminated crap from China that kills them, their wages stagnant, their 401(k) plans worthless...

...despite all these sacrifices, privations and hardships and many, many, many more, they still think McCain's the answer to all these problems and more, even to the point of calling for the assassination of a democratically-elected African American senator whom most of the country wants instead of four more years.

This Dictatorship Has Been Brought to You By the Letter "R."

But wait. Is it really that simple? Is it just a matter of loyal Republican voters simply voting for the latest empty vessel with the "R" after his name? The answer may have been already passed in the third to last sentence.

The one time McCain tried to do something decent during his two year-long campaign, in tamping down the racist hatred from his supporters by saying that Sen. Obama was "a decent, family man", McCain was booed as if he ripped off a mask and revealed himself to be Michael Moore.

This is an important clue into the Republican addict's mindset. They will cheer on their man as long as his particular Straight Talk Express promises to take them to the Promised Land of unfettered racism and religious intolerance. This is the Republican party's entire value to these people. It's not to seek fiscally-conservative solutions to our nation's economic ills nor a strong, workable foreign policy and national defense to help restore our safety and standing in the international community.

They're looking for a candidate who will give them some validity, some acceptance for their fringe lunacy. And they will elect and cheer with full-throated praise anyone who promises to crush anyone blacker than them, smarter than them, less Christian than them, less heterosexual than them. And, if they stray from their mantra of screeching intolerance, they will get booed.

The nation's ills be damned. The economy be damned. The Iraq war be damned. The war in Afghanistan be damned. The war on terror be damned.

Call him "Methadone" McCain. He ain't quite horse (or maverick) but he's the next best thing.

Obama, McCain Leave Campaigns to Visit Elders

Democratic presidential candidate and Illinois senator Barack Obama has announced through his campaign that he is leaving the campaign trail for a few days to visit his suddenly gravely ill 85 year-old grandmother. Madelyn Payne Dunham, who was just released from the hospital, broke a hip and may not live to see the results of the November fourth election. Sen. Obama, with no fanfare, abruptly left the campaign trail to tend to his ailing grandmother in Hawaii.


In a related news item, Republican presidential candidate and Arizona senator John McCain has also left the campaign trail to tend to his 95 year-old mother, stating through McCain campaign spokesman Tucker Bounds, "Whatever whatsisname can do, I can do better." Stating through Mr. Bounds that there are some things that are more important than politics, Mr. McCain rushed to his mother's side even though Mrs. McCain was not reported to be gravely ill.

"Look," Mr. Bounds said in an email to conservative journalists, "Mrs. McCain is one of the ten or twelve people in the country who can actually make Senator McCain feel and look younger. There is no truth to the rumor that the senator's mother is in good health."

As proof, a spokesman for Mrs. McCain said that an envelope containing white powder was mailed to her house, Jeff Gilooly and Tonya Harding tried kneecapping her with a lead pipe and instead of her regular Senior Center ride to the doctor, Karl Rove sent Senator Ted Kennedy to pick her up.

Annotate This

Annotated Rant could be looked at in two ways: The world's laziest blogger (although the Poor Man still owns that distinction, IMHO).

Or a bitter, bitter man who doesn't rant on a near-daily basis like some people I could name and withholds his thoughts unless he has an orgasm of rage stored up. Witness his latest, Fuck John McCain.com, for instance.

How this guy could work at a worthwhile job and still have time to do the research to assemble all the hyperlinks that essentially bones John McCain is beyond me. Because there's linkage, baby. A lotta linkage, as in a fuck of a lotta linkage.

So amble on over to FuckJohnMcCain.com and I guarantee that you'll find out some real scary shit about McCain that you never knew. C'mon, you know it's true. There's so much dirt on McCain, so much blood on his hands that not one pair of eyeballs can take in all that horror.

And Now, an Aptitude Test From Pottersville

Or London, actually. Take a look at this video.

I'm sure there's a political lesson in here somewhere that may or may not involve Karl Rove and moonwalking snakes but for the life of me, I cannot divine what it is.

Death of the Snake Oil Salesmen

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the last spittle-flecked gasp of the homemade grassroots neocons who support their man John McCain.

When I say that I cannot get into the mindset and gain some valuable insight into the conservative mind, I'm not fooling. So please don't ask me for insight when some guy sets up shop near a McCain appearance and starts handing out Obama bumper stickers saying "Obama For Change" and using a Soviet-era sickle for the "C" and a Muslim crescent while railing about Obama's still-alleged Muslim roots.

Maybe I fell asleep in high school history class but when did the Muslims ever control the Soviet Union and how, in their Bizarro World algebraic thinking, did Obama get mixed up in this Xtreme whiteboarding of history?

Well, along comes into the mix a Muslim McCain campaign staffer, a Mr. Daniel Zubairi, to decry this man's snake oil salesmanship, saying that the McCain campaign doesn't condone this kind of conduct. Many moderate McCain supporters, Christian and Muslim alike, rallied around him and united to hound bumper sticker guy out of the area (he refused to give out his name when asked).

The Muslim McCain staffer? The campaign's not letting Mr. Zubairi talk to CNN to tell his side of the story. That's gratitude for you not to mention an incredibly stupid choice to pass up a golden opportunity to get back some of the Muslim votes that this unnamed assclown had already chased away.

Add to this an Obama canvasser, a woman, fer crissakes, getting punched in the face by a guy who's suddenly passionate about ACORN and an Obama supporter's tires getting slashed and you're getting just a tiny picture of the thuggery we liberals and progressives are up against. Don't think for a minute that when Obama gets in the White House these maniacs will lick their wounds and hide in their dog houses for the rest of their lives.

McCain's dead just before the finish line. And when meat turns rotten, it will inevitably attract maggots.

Say It Ain't So, Joe McCarthy

Please investigate this hateful harpy, anyone she's ever passed on the street (after all, that's what the right wing's doing to Obama), anyone who's ever contributed to her campaigns then have her chemically neutered by an Act of Congress in case she's still young enough to breed again.

Thank you. - Jurassicpork, October 20, 2008, on CensureBachman.com.

It was creepy enough when Michelle Bachman (R-Groupie) was getting a bit too touchy-feely a la Katherine Harris with rumored incumbent George W. Bush. But how much creepier is it when Bachman starts cozying up to the rotted, 51 year-old corpse of Sen. Joe McCarthy, a hateful, alcoholic homunculus of a man whose very name provides the basis for the darkest, most paranoid period of American history until Richard Nixon?

On the 17th, Bachman appeared on Chris Matthews' Hardball and said that Congress ought to investigate Obama for being "antiAmerican." Then, since she was on a roll, Bachman then decided to call for an investigation into unspecified members of Congress for unAmerican activity. I'm sure that Bachman's voters send her sympathy cards every year on the anniversary that HUAC was finally put out of its misery. When Matthews asked her for other specific members of Congress whom she'd like to see investigated, Bachman burped out the skeleton of a slave baby, picked her horse teeth with them and replied,

"What I would say is that the news media should do a penetrating expose and take a look. I wish they would. I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out if they are pro-America or anti-America."

So, sure, it's creepy that she's channeling Ann Coulter, who in turn seems to be directly channeling the boozy spirit of Joe McCarthy but it's also laughable because Bachman, in trying to smear the Illinois senator, couldn't even show enough initiative to bring some fresh lies, innuendos and allegations to the table.

What's even more laughable is that right after Bachman called for a Congressional investigation of all liberals, a website went up calling for Bachman to be censured by Congress. So treat yourself and go here to ask that Congress censure this libidinous witch for her inflammatory comments on national TV. If Wesley Clark can't state the obvious and say that McCain getting shot down over Hanoi doesn't qualify him to be Commander in Chief, then this Olympic-class cunt certainly can't get away with calling Obama antiAmerican and calling for an investigation two and a half weeks before the election.

And, if you have the gumption, here's Bachman's contact information in case you want to tell her staffers what you think about her inflammatory comments about Obama:

* Washington Office
o 412 Cannon HOB
o Washington, DC 20515
o Phone: (202) 225-2331
o Fax: (202) 225-6475
* Woodbury Office
o 6043 Hudson Rd, Suite 330
o Woodbury, MN 55125
o Phone: 651-731-5400
o Fax: 651-731-6650
* St. Cloud/Waite Park Office
o 110 2nd Street S, Suite 232
o Waite Park, MN 56387
o Phone: 320-253-5931
o Fax: 320-240-6905

While you're at it, give America an early Christmas present and help hurl this howling banshee back into the shadows where she belongs and send some green love El Tinklenberg's way. He's the guy running against Bachman.

What's Infragard Been Up To, Lately?

Because Infragard started back in the 90's to combat cyber terrorism.

Today, we read the news that all but two of al Qaida's websites are down. They're hotly denying that they themselves have been the victim any cyberterrorism because, well, irony is either lost on or unendurable to the terrorist soul. By Allah's flealess, fragrant beard, we have the market cornered on terrorism. We are experiencing technical difficulties only! Across many, many different sites and many, many domains.

Maybe they shouldn't have opened so many enticing emails for Viagra, Cialis, pet nail trimmers, unexpected Hallmark ecards or fooled into thinking that a dying stranger in Cameroon wanted to give away his entire $10,000,000 fortune just to them.

No Thanks.

Or, Uncle Tom Drifts from the Tattered Big Red Tent and Tries to Skulk Into the Funner Big Blue Tent.

If Barack Obama had an ounce of self-respect, he would've thanked former Secretary of State Colin Powell for his endorsement this morning on Meet the Press then would've followed it up with, "...but you can kiss my well-toned black ass."

Of course, Obama didn't do that when he spoke with Powell for about ten minutes today because Obama is almost as shameless a panderer as McCain and is collecting endorsements from the unlikeliest of people and places like the local crazy who mindlessly collects completely random items in his shopping cart with the wobbly wheel that turns it to the right. Don't forget, we're talking about a guy who took Hillary Clinton by the arm so she could introduce him to her old playmates at the Bilderberg Group's meeting last June in Virginia.

He should've swiftly and forcefully rejected Powell's endorsement not because he's a Republican but because Powell is simply an Uncle Tom of the Bush administration who was willingly used to help start the most illegal and costly war in world history and is only recently muttering about buyer's remorse.

Because now Obama's campaign has been officially and indelibly linked with the same Colin Powell whose legacy won't be becoming our first African American Secretary of State or one of the two war heroes of Operation Desert Storm. Obama's campaign, regardless of the outcome of the election, will be linked with the Colin Powell who sat before the United Nations Security Council on February 5, 2003 armed with nothing but lies, a guilty George Tenet sitting behind him, cartoons of mobile weapons labs, a vial of white powder purporting to be raw anthrax and an intercepted transmission between two Iraqi officers that was taken completely out of context.

His address making the case to go to war with Iraq was, by Powell's own admission, the most embarrassing day of his life. When troubling reports began filtering in of nonexistent WMD, it became clearer and clearer that Powell, who was even at that early juncture of the Bush administration the only completely trusted official, was used as a human counter measure by the neocons whom he'd served so well, neocons who had no problem destroying Powell's credibility and reputation.

He called Obama "transformational." Which is the height of irony because this country needs a transformation from the nightmare our democracy has become largely through Powell's own efforts. The only real value that Powell's endorsement of Obama has is of one former military man repudiating the campaign (but only after sending McCain the maximum $2300) of a fellow veteran and Republican. And what led Secretary Powell to see the light? Sarah Palin.

"She's a very distinguished woman, and she's to be admired. But at the same, now that we have had a chance to watch her for some seven weeks, I don't believe she's ready to be president of the United States, which is the job of the vice president. And so that raised some question in my mind as to the judgment that Sen. McCain made."

Sarah Palin? The tipping point? Like John McCain wasn't scaring the shit out of thinking people before nominating Sarah Palin?

Well, Powell's guilt, embarrassment and buyer's remorse won't bring back the more than 4200 brave men and women who gave their lives because of Powell's lies. Not a single Goddamned one of them. And if Obama had any guts, he'd see that and call attention to Powell's shameless skulking from the Big Red Tent before kicking his ass out of the Big Blue Tent.

The Closing Statement That Obama Should've Given

At this point, Obama's widening up such a big lead over the massively unpopular McCain that nothing short of he, Jeremiah Wright and Willie Horton gang-raping Nancy Reagan and refracturing her pelvis on the floor of the NYSE at the height of the trading day could lose this election for him. Therefore, knowing the tide was surely turning to his campaign, Obama should've unloaded on McCain with both barrels, spikes high, hammers and tongs. So this is the closing statement at the end of the third and final debate that I and I'm sure many liberals would've wet their pants upon hearing. Play Senator Obama's voice in your mind's ear as you follow the narration.

---

Bob Schieffer: Senator Obama, you won the coin toss. You first.

Barack Obama: Thank you, Bob, and again allow me to thank Hofstra University and the fine city of Hempstead, New York for hosting this fruitful and vigorous debate.

Now, my Senate colleague and worthy opponent Senator John McCain has been putting a lot of stuff out there and not all of it is true. For the longest time, at more vulnerable moments in my campaign, I've been forced to play house nigger and to avoid looking like the "angry black man" for the white psychopaths who seem to comprise a larger percentage of John's base than he'd like to admit. Tonight, I'm pulling out all the stops.

First of all, I notice Joe Lieberman hasn't been around very much after you chose that glassy-eyed stewardess to be your running mate. I almost didn't recognize you, John, without Lieberman's withered hand up your fat, pasty ass and working your mouth during the debates like the Republican sock puppet that you are.

And while we're once again on the subject of running mates, it ought to be noted on national television that Gov. Sarah Palin has less foreign policy experience than Joe Biden's cock and I can prove it. Because at least my colleague's cock, along with the rest of him, sat in on countless hearings on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee. If by dint of sheer proximity to Canada and Russia Sarah Palin can absorb foreign policy experience, so can my running mate's phallus.

Now, John, you're sitting there idiotically smiling at no one in particular like a bloated, latter day Uncle Fester who can't stop farting at the dinner table. People accuse me of pandering to the right wing but you know what? If I am, then I learned from the best watching you these past two years because you, Senator McCain, are the prince of panderers.

Your campaign has more lobbyists than a federal prison and K Street combined. You pander to right wing snake-charming zealots starting with some sawed-off Jerry Falwell wannabe in Thomas Muthee. You pander to the most vicious element of the right wing even when they say vile crap like "Kill him!" and call me names like "Terrorist."

By the way, that reminds me of a joke: What are the first three words a McCain supporter's child learns? "Attention, Wal-Mart shoppers..."

You've benefited from fundraisers held by pus-sucking scumbags like Ralph Reed and G. Gordon Liddy, a man who probably puts red hot safety pins through the head of his penis every night just for shits and giggles.

If Hermann Goering, Jack the Ripper and Vlad the Impaler offered to host a fundraiser for you, you'd pull a muscle in your ancient artifact of a body getting there if they guaranteed big money and they promised to mash up your dinner for you.

You keep saying that I'm "unfit to serve" as President because I was never in the military but you know what? Neither did that champagne flight, coke-snorting psychopath with whom you voted, by your own admission, 90% of the time. And if I did serve in our nation's armed forces, I damned sure wouldn't sully that service by trying to claim 100 times a day that I'm fit to serve as our Commander in Chief simply because I got my ass shot down over Hanoi and was too crippled to escape.

I salute your service to our country, Senator but you know what else? According to George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, John Yoo, Alberto Gonzales, David Addington and the rest of the psychological sideshow that is the Bush administration, you were never actually tortured. You never suffered organ failure and you certainly aren't, at least technically, dead. So stop whining about being tortured and get over it.

In summation, Senator, you have run the vilest, filthiest, most below-the-belt campaign in recent memory. You have not publicly denounced people who would sooner see me dead than assume residency in a building that was built by slave labor because you cannot find it in your truffle of a heart to alienate anyone from whom you can squeeze out one single vote.

You, Sarah Palin. Tucker Bounds and the rest of your campaign can suck my eleven inch-long black dick. Yes, it's that big. Ask Cindy if you don't believe me, cuckold bait.

Bob Schieffer: Senator Obama, it's Senator McCain's turn...

Barack Obama: Thank you.

Caption Contest

As much as he personally loved Joe Lieberman, McCain just couldn't get away from that ugly faux bipartisan semen aftertaste.

Drew Last Blood

Seven outs away from having their season ended by getting shut out on four hits, and Dustin Pedroia, the AL's future MVP if the baseball Gods smile on Boston, had other ideas. With two strikes and two outs in the seventh, the Red Sox second baseman stroked a hit to put Boston on the board when all seemed lost.

With two men on, up steps to the plate a guy who hadn't hit a tater in 61 consecutive postseason atbats. But Big Papi, perhaps inspired by the Little Second Baseman Who Could, unloaded a three run bomb well past the Tampa Bay bullpen to make a 7-1 laugher a save situation.

In the 8th, J D Drew hit a bomb of his own to right to bring Boston to within one run and Coco Crisp tied the game in the eighth by bringing in Mark Kotsay, suddenly the best defensive first baseman in the postseason. Jonathan Papelbon in a nonsave situation put up a 0 in the 8th, Justin Masterson pitched an interesting 9th to put up a zero of his own and Boston was poised to once again join with destiny.

The two out magic that served Boston so well in the ALDS against the Angels came back to life when Kevin Youkilis reached second on a throwing error by Tampa Bay third baseman Evan Longoria, setting the table for J D Drew once again.

With two outs and Youkilis in scoring position, Drew stroked a single to left, driving in the tying run and the Red Sox once again made history by overcoming the second biggest deficit in MLB postseason history.

How sweet it would be if the Red Sox were to pull this one out so they can face the same team, the Phillies, that rode Boston manager Tito Francona out of town on a rail, saying he'd never manage in the major leagues ever again.

I can smell it, just as I could smell a Boston victory when Ortiz brought the Red Sox to within three runs of tying the game.

Seven outs from getting their season ended with a 7-0 shutout on four hits and they came back to win 8-7. I'd say the tide has turned. And that's why I predict the Red Sox will finally show these Tampa Bay pretenders who the big dog in the American League East is. That's why we're going back to the World Series.

"You Forgot Iraq."

Out of all the questions that Bob Schieffer asked during last night's debate in my old hometown of Hempstead, New York, he never once mentioned Iraq. Did anyone else notice that?

Iraq was by far the biggest hot button issue heading to the '02 midterms, the crown jewel in the Cheney/Bush administration's platform during the last general election in '04. Despite the need for a surge of 30,000+ additional troops, despite the massacre at Nisour Sq. by Blackwater mercenaries, despite the fetid, corrupted mess left behind by Paul Bremer, despite Abu Ghraib, despite news of arms and money gone missing, despite contractors reported to have taken billions in taxpayer dollars to not build hospitals and schools, despite the spectacular failure that Iraq has become...

...suddenly Iran is a campaign issue because of their nonexistent nukes but Iraq doesn't rate?

Pardon me if I'm wrong, but isn't Iraq and the financial toll it's inflicted on this country (over half a trillion with a Nobel Prize-winning economist claiming it could cost three trillion when all is said and done) part of the reason we're in this financial mess that's suddenly taken front and center?

Isn't Iraq the reason why we're more vulnerable to acts of terrorism both here and abroad and the reason why we have virtually no standing in the international community that had once respected us, requiring the deft foreign policy hand that a Vice President Biden would promise?

So how come Iraq doesn't rate and Bob Schieffer, instead, chose to invite McCain and Obama last night to start spitting in eachother's faces?

As predicted, McCain pretended to not care about "a washed-up terrorist" then proceeded to tell one lie after another regarding Obama's and William Ayers' alleged association, including bringing up the meme that Obama launched a campaign in Ayers' living room. (In point of fact, McCain once had a fundraiser in the home of a certain G. Gordon Liddy, one of the finest Republican terrorists this nation has ever produced.)

After the debate, Katie Couric of CBS asked several participants who were still uncommitted after the first two debates if they were leaning toward one candidate or the other. After a few responses. one man said he was leaning more toward McCain. Why? Because, he reasoned (for want of a better word), Obama didn't look very "presidential" when he had to lower himself in defense against McCain's lies about him and Ayers. It never once occurred to this dittohead that if Obama looked and sounded less than presidential in having to deign to dignify McCain's lies with a response that it was more of a reflection of McCain's rather unpresidential desperation than anything.

This is why I'm still going to wake up on Election Day in a cold sweat.

Aside from McCain taking cues from his God- and witch-fearing running mate, the debate didn't offer anything but the same broad strokes for one plan or another. McCain told the same lies ($700,000,000,000 spent on foreign aid to nations annually, Obama wants to raise everyone's taxes, blah blah blah) and Obama didn't offer to explain the "...then a miracle happens" in his various equations. For instance: How are American taxpayers going to get back our $700,000,000,000 that was just used to bail out the people who have been victimizing us?

Why should greedy and self-dealing HMO's lower their health insurance premiums just because an Obama administration would seek to negotiate with them? Is Obama really so naive as to think in all seriousness that HMO's across the land will just lower their premiums and co-pays and cut their bottom line in a meaningful measure just out of the goodness of their hearts?

How is spending yet another $860,000,000,000 going to work toward balancing the budget at the same time he's planning on cutting taxes for 95% of the country? We've almost spent that much on Iraq alone with tax cuts for everyone and we're now borrowing two billion a day from the Red Chinese just to stay solvent.

People, in my mind Obama's not the answer. He panders almost as much to the right wing and their allies as does McCain and I've pointed out how so many times that I shouldn't have to belabor the point. But we need to keep one thing in mind:

We the People, at least according to the Constitution, have the ultimate power as to who gets elected to our state and federal Congress and the White House. It is a power that we collectively share for just 12 hours every other year. Individually, that power evaporates in the few seconds it takes to fill out a paper ballot or hit a touch screen.

The people whom we elect, by constitutional mandate, will be given the power to spend our money as they see fit in good faith that they will do so by representing the will of their constituents as best as they're able. There are no state referendums asking for our permission before they spend our money.

So the few seconds of power that we actually wield only once every 730 days must be used judiciously and with the most careful and studious consideration.

Yet for people to think that McCain looked and sounded better informed and presidential despite Barack having to push back and say time and again, "That isn't true" and having to repeat his policy proposals step by step to counter McCain's falsehoods doesn't give me much hope for the future of our republic.

I have less reason to hope for it when so many tens of millions of Americans and our news outlets are alarmingly comfortable with half-forgetting that we still have 147,000 pairs of boots on the ground in the most dangerous country on earth and that, despite its financial and human toll, it shouldn't be a campaign issue at all.