Monday, October 5, 2009

One Minute in the Teabagger Chat Room


“Ya’ll heard what the CDC said last summer?”


“No, what?”

49 states have obesity rates greater than 20%.”


“You don’t say? That’s hilarious.”


“Wait, lemme guess: The biggest offenders are states in the deep South, right?”

“Bingo. Think Alabama, Mississippi, South Carolina.”


“South Carolina. Dang. That figgers.”


“I don’t take too much stock in those liberal studies. They tend to exaggerate. One will say 60% of us are obsese, others say 67%. Which can you believe?”


“You know what I wanna know?”

“No, what?”


“How come you always hear about how fat we are and hardly anything about how bloated these Obama-Socialized corporations are?”


“Good (buh-werp) point. Nom, nom.”


“Hear, hear! That’s why my handle’s ‘Mr. Bailout’!”


“I stay in shape and live an active lifestyle. You don’t have to be skinny to be healthy.”


“Trust me. It helps. Sweating gets me winded.”


“Man, do I hear that.”


“Did you know that Michael Moore's furniture took out a restraining on him?”

“ROTFLMAO! Oh shit, pulled a muscle in my index finger.”


“So, what do we do about this?”


“Eat the liberals!”


“Fuck, yeah! Sounds like a plan!”


"LOL! Ouch."


“I say we drive down to Washington, DC and protest Obama’s G20 summit!”


“That was in Pittsburgh. And it was last month, numb nuts.”


“It's just as well; I’ve got agoraphobia.”


“Let’s chat about this some more. I still haven’t recovered from my low blood sugar emergency at the last health care town hall…”

“Thank God. I was hoping someone would say that. Who's up for us getting some better avatars?”

7 Comments:

At October 5, 2009 at 4:03 PM, Anonymous bjacques said...

You're going too hell for this, you know. Me too. I just read this and couldn't stop guffawing at the ame time I was watching an effective documentary about Europe slamming the gates shut on African refugees.

But you still owe me a keyboard.

 
At October 5, 2009 at 6:11 PM, Blogger Citizen Sane said...

How can someone even afford enough food to get this fat??!
I'm always astounded at the grocery store when I see how much food the corpulent set buys.
I'd rather spend my hard-earned dollars on quality drugs. And hair products.

 
At October 6, 2009 at 12:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

There are no words......

 
At October 7, 2009 at 1:54 AM, Blogger Bob said...

Why did you do that?

 
At October 7, 2009 at 11:22 AM, Blogger Pryme said...

Absolutely brilliant, JP.

 
At July 11, 2010 at 3:33 PM, Blogger Chris Tucker said...

Damn! I need to lose about 40 pounds.

But I look positively anorexic compared to all of those in the images.

Lisa G. Now imagine all those people have webcams and are on Chatroulette...

RIGHT NOW!!!

Urgh! I just threw up in my mouth a little.

 
At November 24, 2011 at 11:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Morbid.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home

KindleindaWind, my writing blog.

All Time Classics

  • Our Worse Half: The 25 Most Embarrassing States.
  • The Missing Security Tapes From the World Trade Center.
  • It's a Blunderful Life.
  • The Civil War II
  • Sweet Jesus, I Hate America
  • Top Ten Conservative Books
  • I Am Mr. Ed
  • Glenn Beck: Racist, Hate Monger, Comedian
  • The Ten Worst Music Videos of all Time
  • Assclowns of the Week

  • Links to the first 33 Assclowns of the Week.
  • Links to Assclowns of the Week 38-63.
  • #106: The Turkey Has Landed edition
  • #105: Blame it on Paris or Putin edition
  • #104: Make Racism Great Again Also Labor Day edition
  • #103: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Toilet edition
  • #102: Orange is the New Fat edition
  • #101: Electoral College Dropouts edition
  • #100: Centennial of Silliness edition
  • #99: Dr. Strangehate edition
  • #98: Get Bentghazi edition
  • #97: SNAPping Your Fingers at the Poor edition
  • #96: Treat or Treat, Kiss My Ass edition
  • #95: Monumental Stupidity double-sized edition
  • #94: House of 'Tards edition
  • #93: You Da Bomb! edition.
  • #92: Akin to a Fool edition.
  • #91: Aurora Moronealis edition.
  • #90: Keep Your Gubmint Hands Off My High Pre'mums and Deductibles! edition.
  • #89: Occupy the Catbird Seat/Thanksgiving edition.
  • #88: Heil Hitler edition.
  • #87: Let Sleeping Elephants Lie edition.
  • #86: the Maniacs edition.
  • #85: The Top 50 Assclowns of 2010 edition.
  • #(19)84: Midterm Madness edition.
  • #83: Spill, Baby, Spill! edition.
  • #82: Leave Corporations Alone, They’re People! edition.
  • #81: Hatin' on Haiti edition.
  • #80: Don't Get Your Panties in a Twist edition.
  • #79: Top 50 Assclowns of 2009 edition.
  • #78: Nattering Nabobs of Negativism edition.
  • #77: ...And Justice For Once edition.
  • #76: Reading Tea Leaves/Labor Day edition.
  • #75: Diamond Jubilee/Inaugural Edition
  • #74: Dropping the Crystal Ball Edition
  • #73: The Twelve Assclowns of Christmas Edition
  • #72: Trick or Treat Election Day Edition
  • #71: Grand Theft Autocrats Edition
  • #70: Soulless Corporations and the Politicians Who Love Them Edition
  • Empire Of The Senseless.
  • Christwire.org: Conservative Values for an Unsaved World.
  • Esquire's Charles Pierce.
  • Brilliant @ Breakfast.
  • The Burning Platform.
  • The Rant.
  • Mock, Paper, Scissors.
  • James Petras.
  • Towle Road.
  • Avedon's Sideshow (the new site).
  • At Largely, Larisa Alexandrovna's place.
  • The Daily Howler.
  • The DCist.
  • Greg Palast.
  • Jon Swift. RIP, Al.
  • God is For Suckers.
  • The Rude Pundit.
  • Driftglass.
  • Newshounds.
  • William Grigg, a great find.
  • Brad Blog.
  • Down With Tyranny!, Howie Klein's blog.
  • Wayne's World. Party time! Excellent!
  • Busted Knuckles, aka Ornery Bastard.
  • Mills River Progressive.
  • Right Wing Watch.
  • Earthbond Misfit.
  • Anosognosia.
  • Echidne of the Snakes.
  • They Gave Us a Republic.
  • The Gawker.
  • Outtake Online, Emmy-winner Charlotte Robinson's site.
  • Skippy, the Bush Kangaroo
  • No More Mr. Nice Blog.
  • Head On Radio Network, Bob Kincaid.
  • Spocko's Brain.
  • Pandagon.
  • Slackivist.
  • WTF Is It Now?
  • No Blood For Hubris.
  • Lydia Cornell, a very smart and accomplished lady.
  • Roger Ailes (the good one.)
  • BlondeSense.
  • The Smirking Chimp.
  • Hammer of the Blogs.
  • Vast Left Wing Conspiracy.
  • Argville.
  • Existentialist Cowboy.
  • The Progressive.
  • The Nation.
  • Mother Jones.
  • Vanity Fair.
  • Salon.com.
  • Citizens For Legitimate Government.
  • News Finder.
  • Indy Media Center.
  • Lexis News.
  • Military Religious Freedom.
  • McClatchy Newspapers.
  • The New Yorker.
  • Bloggingheads TV, political vlogging.
  • Find Articles.com, the next-best thing to Nexis.
  • Altweeklies, for the news you won't get just anywhere.
  • The Smirking Chimp
  • Don Emmerich's Peace Blog
  • Wikileaks.
  • The Peoples' Voice.
  • Dictionary.com.
  • CIA World Fact Book.
  • IP address locator.
  • Tom Tomorrow's hilarious strip.
  • Babelfish, an instant, online translator. I love to translate Ann Coulter's site into German.
  • Newsmeat: Find out who's donating to whom.
  • Wikipedia.
  • Uncyclopedia.
  • anysoldier.com
  • Icasualties
  • Free Press
  • YouTube
  • The Bone Bridge.
  • Powered by Blogger