Monday, October 5, 2009

One Minute in the Teabagger Chat Room

“Ya’ll heard what the CDC said last summer?”

“No, what?”

49 states have obesity rates greater than 20%.”

“You don’t say? That’s hilarious.”

“Wait, lemme guess: The biggest offenders are states in the deep South, right?”

“Bingo. Think Alabama, Mississippi, South Carolina.”

“South Carolina. Dang. That figgers.”

“I don’t take too much stock in those liberal studies. They tend to exaggerate. One will say 60% of us are obsese, others say 67%. Which can you believe?”

“You know what I wanna know?”

“No, what?”

“How come you always hear about how fat we are and hardly anything about how bloated these Obama-Socialized corporations are?”

“Good (buh-werp) point. Nom, nom.”

“Hear, hear! That’s why my handle’s ‘Mr. Bailout’!”

“I stay in shape and live an active lifestyle. You don’t have to be skinny to be healthy.”

“Trust me. It helps. Sweating gets me winded.”

“Man, do I hear that.”

“Did you know that Michael Moore's furniture took out a restraining on him?”

“ROTFLMAO! Oh shit, pulled a muscle in my index finger.”

“So, what do we do about this?”

“Eat the liberals!”

“Fuck, yeah! Sounds like a plan!”

"LOL! Ouch."

“I say we drive down to Washington, DC and protest Obama’s G20 summit!”

“That was in Pittsburgh. And it was last month, numb nuts.”

“It's just as well; I’ve got agoraphobia.”

“Let’s chat about this some more. I still haven’t recovered from my low blood sugar emergency at the last health care town hall…”

“Thank God. I was hoping someone would say that. Who's up for us getting some better avatars?”


At October 5, 2009 at 4:03 PM, Anonymous bjacques said...

You're going too hell for this, you know. Me too. I just read this and couldn't stop guffawing at the ame time I was watching an effective documentary about Europe slamming the gates shut on African refugees.

But you still owe me a keyboard.

At October 5, 2009 at 6:11 PM, Blogger Anna Van Z said...

How can someone even afford enough food to get this fat??!
I'm always astounded at the grocery store when I see how much food the corpulent set buys.
I'd rather spend my hard-earned dollars on quality drugs. And hair products.

At October 6, 2009 at 12:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

There are no words......

At October 7, 2009 at 1:54 AM, Blogger Bob said...

Why did you do that?

At October 7, 2009 at 3:26 AM, Anonymous Lisa G. said...

Brain bleach - where is the damned brain bleach.

At October 7, 2009 at 11:22 AM, Blogger Pryme said...

Absolutely brilliant, JP.

At July 11, 2010 at 3:33 PM, Blogger Chris Tucker said...

Damn! I need to lose about 40 pounds.

But I look positively anorexic compared to all of those in the images.

Lisa G. Now imagine all those people have webcams and are on Chatroulette...


Urgh! I just threw up in my mouth a little.

At November 24, 2011 at 11:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...



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