The Cunt Monologues

So, Michigan state Representative Lisa Brown was banned for an indefinite time from speaking at the Reichstag Michigan State House last week for using the word "vagina." Apparently, that was too much for Obersturmführer State Rep. Mike Callton, Speaker Jase Bolger and floor leader Jim Stamas and like the true red white and blue American Taliban they are, they handed down Sharia law and effectively muzzled Rep. Brown for the foreseeable future.

Now, Representative Brown could've mentioned that part of the anatomy in more vulgar or colloquial terms. For instance, she could've said, "Finally Mr. Speaker, I’m flattered that you’re all so interested in my cunt" or "Finally Mr. Speaker, I’m flattered that you’re all so interested in my hair pie" or "Finally Mr. Speaker, I’m flattered that you’re all so interested in what anti-abortion evangelicals treat like a clown car" or "Finally Mr. Speaker, I’m flattered that you’re all so interested in my gash that will never heal" but you get the message.

Rep. Brown chose to use the correct and most clinical word for what boys used to call "the fish that no one can find." But the sex-obsessed fascists of the Michigan Republican Party that had tried to gut Matt's Safe Schools law by giving bullies the religion card to whip out if they ever bullied a gay student to death and that recently passed an Emergency City Manager act that essentially renders democracy redundant had a problem with even the very word. Lest they succumb to temptation, grunting and groaning and looking away with their beady eyes tightly closed like Carl "Slingblade" Childers, Michigan House Republicans felt the need to step on that pornographic speech and fast.

Like a certain faction of other men that swish and sashay in the sands of Fire Island and Provincetown and the streets of the Castro, Michigan Republicans got the dry heaves just hearing the word, envisioning how the first letter, the vaginal "V", looked and simply had to silence her in a manner not unlike how most Muslim countries treat their women. My God, if she'd said the word "clitoris", they probably would've thrown her in the bunker beneath the state house, trussed up in irons and forced to sit next to Eva Braun's vagina-less skeleton.

As Rep. Brown put it, it's not enough that Republicans have to control how women act, they now feel they have to control even what they say.

No word, yet, on how they can square openly cornholing democracy by making some right wing political operative's authority supercede that of elected officials including the mayor of a town or city. Is there a prohibition on Michigan Republicans essentially giving the green light to curbstomping young gays and bisexuals as long as their bullies pull out the religion card?

It's impossible to fathom why Republicans have such a problem with the clinical term for an orifice out of which almost all of us emerge at the start of life, a birth canal they're doing their damnedest to regulate like Cerberus guarding the gates of Hell. It's also impossible to square how a political party that hoarsely screams about Muslim Sharia law taking hold in the country nonetheless hasn't the slightest problem with muzzling women without placing prohibitions on their own speech.

If a male had stood up in the chamber and used the word "penis" in the most clinical context, would he have been similarly banned from speaking in the House chamber? Or would he, too, have been restricted to euphemisms such as, "Mr. Happy"? Or did it have everything to do with the fact that Rep. Brown, in her speech about the abortion bill and her advocacy in providing abortion services to women in contravention to Republican wishes, is a Democrat?

I don't know what the fuck is with Republicans in general and why they can't even bear to hear someone who has one reciting the word "vagina". But there's something sick and twisted in the way Michigan Republicans in particular can't abide the word of the orifice with which all male Republicans are obsessed with regulating to the point of denying women health care. It sends a dangerous signal to their kids and all children, particularly boys, that if a woman steps out of line, the Big Strong males will have to step in and discipline her, even if it means being reduced to name-calling and character assassination.