Top Ten Facts of the MH370 Air Disaster

     The Malaysian government recently confirmed for the media that MH370, the flight bound from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing, crashed in the Indian Ocean, killing all 239 people on board. Despite the Malaysian government not providing a single shred of solid evidence to prove the plane had crashed anywhere and the fact that Chinese officials barred grieving and skeptical relatives from speaking to the press, the American mainstream media is reporting these unsupported claims as incontrovertible fact, thereby ending wild and reckless speculation on the part of CNN and Fox News. What are the other facts that have come to light since the Malaysian government's revelation?

10) Galactic Federation suing CNN and Fox for reckless allegations of their involvement with missing aircraft.

9) J.J. Abrams now kicking himself for making Lost a decade too soon.

8) Former President George W. Bush perilously close to interrupting painting career to name Henry Kissinger head of fact-finding commission.

7) Chairman Darrel Issa of the Oversight and Government Reform Committee was ready to launch investigation tying Air Force One to downed aircraft.

6) Mitt "Mothman" Romney now claims his clairvoyance could have anticipated disaster.

5) Dick Cheney did it.

4) Green pants and brown shoes hottest fashion trends for fictional Muslim hijackers.

3) David Copperfield illusion gone horribly, horribly wrong.

2) Rep. Steve King: "Mexican migrant workers were somehow behind this. You know they were."

1) Wolf Blitzer's next theory would have somehow involved Samuel L. Jackson and snakes on the plane.