Top Ten Reasons Why Trump Fired Comey

     Late last month, special prosecutor and former FBI Director Robert Mueller obtained a first draft of the letter written by President Donald Trump and his top aides that resulted in the firing of James Comey as FBI Director. The final draft of the letter states Mr. Comey was terminated on May 9th because of his handling of the Clinton email investigation and Mr. Trump believing he could not effectively lead the FBI. However, the original draft was four pages long and had been characterized by its "angry, meandering tone" and listed, in fact, several reasons why Mr. Trump had decided to terminate Mr. Comey's tenure. What were they?

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10) During January private dinner with Comey, was disappointed he had not brought Hillary Clinton's severed head for the entree.

9) Loyalty oath involved hazing ritual that included a panty raid on female senators' offices.

8) Used too many bigly words like "email" and "the".

7) Left slobber on his ring.

6) Originally used and was ultimately embarrassed by his Terminator tactic and fired three other James Comeys before at last finding the real one.

5) Refused to say grace during private dinner thanking Vladimir Putin for the food.

4) Comey refused to say whether or not Trump was under investigation  to determine if he was the greatest President ever.

3) During Comey's Trump-era tenure, ratings were bad, very bad.

2) Demurred when Trump asked him if he'd like to fuck Melania on the Resolute Desk.

1) Attorney General Sessions very uncomfortable with his and the 6' 8" Comey's three foot height difference.