Barack Obama: The First 1000 10 Days

The Republican Party, the Grand Old Party, the party of obstructionism, self-centered greed, utter lack of personal and collective accountability, has decided that it is time to grade Barack Obama on his legacy and, for once, I agree with the GOP. By last Friday it had been ten days (that’s 240 full hours, if that helps bring the point home) into this administration and a full reckoning is in order.

The Republican Party and its minions actually started within hours after the election results were safely beyond John Ellis’ or Diebold’s invention to change. Before the new President took office, Rush Limbaugh had admirably set the bar high for him by saying, “I hope he fails.”

Toby Harnden, ever the optimist seeing silver clouds in every black lining (or presidency), said the 44th president getting his stimulus bill passed in the House was “a hollow victory” because every Republican in the House without a single exception stood united and didn’t waver, sort of like Custer’s Men at the Little Big Horn or the 300 Spartans at Thermopylae. In a way, it’s almost adorable how the Republicans are claiming victory after throwing everything they had (plus 11 Democrats) at the administration and failing. It’s like watching the Lilliputians spending untold manhours and money tying down Gulliver in his sleep only to have the giant effortlessly snap the strings as he sits up and rubs his eyes.

But Republicans have stood their ground, even when President Obama assaulted them with a charm offensive, tried to get them drunk and even stripped two provisions from the stimulus bill to which they were opposed. No, sir, they did it their way, even telling their counterparts in the Senate to oppose the bill before Obama even had a chance to talk to them.

Sure, he signed his first piece of legislation in the Lilly Ledbetter bill, which could be considered good for working women and minorities. He unsealed Presidential records. His initiatives will close Gitmo in a year. Charges (or the lack thereof) will be under more serious review. He lifted the abortion gag rule. And he’s already begun (barely) reversing the Bush administration’s relaxation of car emission standards. We got health care for millions more children. Then, once again, there’s the stimulus package. Yada yada.

Damn, you’d think we’d have signed on to the Kyoto Protocol by now and welcoming home every one of our troops in time for the Super Bowl!

240 hours, people! That’s a lot of fucking time. Republican legacies aren’t built in eight years, as George W. Bush would say, but in the case of Democrats, they can be built in the time it takes to train a high school dropout on a McDonald’s fry-o-lator. Some of them can’t even keep track of who the President actually is.

And what is with that locker room dress code?

OK, reality check. The only reason we don’t have 100 senators to vote on Obama’s and the Democratic Party’s raft of progressive legislation is because of a Republican who can’t distinguish between winning and losing. The only reason we don’t have an Attorney General who can’t deliver a speech without collapsing is because of Republicans on the Judiciary Committee who are scared that he’ll actually uphold the law. It could be said that the only reason Obama hasn’t yet achieved everything that he’s tried to achieve in his first ten days is because Republicans are standing in his way.

Because Republicans keep insisting that free enterprise and corporate tax cuts are the answer out of this mess without once stumbling across the screamingly obvious fact that free enterprise and corporate tax cuts are a large reason why we’re in this mess that we’re in. Because Republicans are stupid, stupid people not unlike Homer Simpson who keeps getting shocked over and over again trying to steal that wired cup cake.

So they inflame the pork rind-crunching masses by openly wishing for Obama to fail, as if his failure will result in unparalleled prosperity for America. Homer keeps getting shocked by the wired cupcake. Charlie Brown keeps getting fooled by Lucy and the football. And everytime a Republican opens their mouth, Albert Einstein is proven right time and time again.