Saturday, March 21, 2009

Caption Contest


This was found in what may be the room I'll be forced to move into this Thursday. Ain't life grand?

From here on in, internet access will be sporadic at best, unless something better than this dump comes through between now and Thursday. Ergo, blogging of any sort will be virtually nonexistent, since my priorities are, obviously, elsewhere. I can think of at least a handful of people who won't miss this place. I guess the truth hurts their tender sensibilities.

For the rest of my real readership, I'm sorry it had to end this way. This is supposed to be a political/social events blog, not an actual diary of my personal heartbreak and I'm sorry I dragged you all into this pathetic clown show. But, bottom line, this may be my last post ever because not only will online access be limited but I honestly don't care about politics, anymore, another thing I love that was taken from me. I don't even follow the news, anymore.

But I just thought I'd give some of you a smile and maybe a chuckle on the way out the door. The last one out please turn off the lights and unplug everything.

37 Comments:

At March 21, 2009 at 11:43 AM, Blogger The Minstrel Boy said...

spotted dick in a can?

nope, ain't going there.

wouldn't be proper.

 
At March 21, 2009 at 12:42 PM, Blogger Fearguth said...

For years, people had believed Richard Nixon had been buried.

 
At March 21, 2009 at 1:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

are we sure Cheney isn't in there?

 
At March 21, 2009 at 1:23 PM, Anonymous Artnoize said...

You'll be back.

 
At March 21, 2009 at 1:40 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Don't bet on it, Art.

 
At March 21, 2009 at 2:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey man
I have been thru this crap myself
it's hard but hang in there
you will come out ok
not ahead but ok

 
At March 21, 2009 at 3:17 PM, Blogger Libby Spencer said...

So sorry Jurassic. You will get through this though. And don't forget that there's free internet access in libraries and often in coffee shops and McDonalds and stuff too. So stay in touch so we know you're alright.

I know I never comment, but I do read you and I will miss you if you quit altogether.

 
At March 21, 2009 at 5:35 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

As Libby says, there are many ways to stay wired. Your readers care about you. Make lemons out of lemonade (?) This could be the makings of one heck of a book. . .

An interactive venture, in which you post your latest meanderings, and your readers reply. So you'll shift from the project of speaking to an unresponsive/hostile audience, to one which receives you.

We have come to care about you, so don't disappear like you did once before. The title will be too unwieldy:
"Welcome Back to Posttersville -- no, I mean It!" Gallows humour. . .

 
At March 21, 2009 at 6:55 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

I've been trolling through the archives and reading a few of my old posts.

I was damned good, wasn't I?

 
At March 21, 2009 at 7:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lisa took the words out of my keyboard! Thought about the new
book early this week when I noticed
more comments to your "situation"
than to your politics even though
it is the same group of readers.
Have you posted a "wanted" room
ad on Craigslist? Check the grocery and pharmarcy bulletin boards for places to rent or share.
Also check the "for sale by owners"
very often they will take rent for a while and apply all or a part to the purchase. Take Charge! Get a line on a place and go for it...get
some roomate/tenants to help make
the bills! There's bound to be a
small place that needs too much work for a lender and the owner is not only forced to sell but will have to finance too. I just had to do that with a little house that was all fixed up but they couldn't get all the money so we made a deal!
Hey and don't let your hygene and
clothes appearance lapse just cause you don't have to look like
everything's peachy. Shaves, new haircuts and some different clothes can make you feel emotionally better too.
Hey and don't look down on the "room" as a totally bad thing.
The reduced space means reduced responsibility! Focus the energy in
a new direction; get new life started and do not...do not...look
back...that's over and now Life begins at 50 ! Take it away.....

 
At March 21, 2009 at 7:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

JP,
Hope you make it OK. I'll miss your writing- you ARE good!
Stu

 
At March 21, 2009 at 7:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

good luck to you, we will miss you dearly. please try to keep in touch and let us know you are OK.
yes, you are good.

 
At March 21, 2009 at 7:54 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

I've been living on Craigslist since late last month. Obviously, it's worthless. At least half the responses I get are from spambots and idiots from Boston and Northhampton who still don't know that I need to stay in downtown Hudson.

Don't make the room sound better than it is. You didn't see it. I did. One of my coworkers lives there. He has plastic sheeting instead of actual windows. That's the kind of people with whom she's forcing me to deal. Absolute lack of understanding and sympathy. It's all good, according to one who doesn't have to deal with these scumbags.

 
At March 21, 2009 at 8:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jurassic!
Attaturk stepped on the thread this morning when you were about to tell us what happened and how we can help. Won't you come back to Eschaton and let us?

GWPDA

 
At March 21, 2009 at 8:10 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Unless someone's willing to put a roof over my head within a mile of my shitty job, I don't see how anyone at Eschaton can help me.

 
At March 21, 2009 at 8:18 PM, Anonymous tw said...

One heaping serving, guaranteed to expunge your civil liberties!

Hang in there JP. It's just a test.

 
At March 21, 2009 at 8:35 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

"I was damned good, wasn't I?"

[Wrong tense-- "are"]

"Absolute lack of understanding and sympathy"

[Unsympathetic people do not feel sympathy. It is enough that you understand yourself. Proceed.]

 
At March 21, 2009 at 11:02 PM, Anonymous Mildred said...

You are truly boring. But at least now you are honest. . . Honest, that is, in showing that your politics was always really about your own ego. Such shameless self-pity has not been seen since . . . well, gee, can't say as I've ever seen such a thing. Glad your spouse saved herself.

 
At March 22, 2009 at 12:57 AM, Anonymous postmodernista said...

yes you are that good- and on any topic you choose to write about. I understand that we get to read your brilliance for free, but you are brilliant. And personable. And interesting.

If you can get past that mile limit on living circumstance, you're welcome in Texas; it might even give you Molly Ivins exposure and fame...

Hang on, by the skin of your chinny chin chin- I've been through it and it will get better.

Prayers and good thoughts.

 
At March 22, 2009 at 1:00 AM, Blogger nunya said...

One step at a time. It aint Thursday yet, so keep the phone charged.

 
At March 22, 2009 at 9:01 AM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

I'm about to head out and see a homeowner who lives in the next town south of me. She'd offered me a room at her place and perhaps even the use of one of her two cars so I can get to work and back. I just made out her rental application and sent her a picture so she'll recognize me when we finally meet.

She appears to be a damned good person, a church-goer, who quit her job some time back to care for an ailing relative.

Who cares how small the room may or may not be? It's still in a private home and at least I'll have a roommate.

Cross your fingers for me, guys.

 
At March 22, 2009 at 10:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

JP,
You've been worrying about others for too long. Take care of yourself for a change. Good luck to you. I'll keep watching this site for your return.

Mike
PS I'm sick of politics as well.

 
At March 22, 2009 at 10:40 AM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Its not in my nature not to care for others. I'm a family man. That's what we do.

After 15+ years, every square inch in that house carries with it at least a memory. We'd saturated that house with memories, many of them good, funny and happy ones.

My heart will always be tied up in with this house. It's true what they say: Home is where the heart is.

 
At March 22, 2009 at 11:58 AM, Blogger Lisa said...

Good luck with these new digs. Anon's advice is good: "do not...look back" Remember what happened to Lot's wife.

Anyway, good memories or no, one day you will realize how unfair it would be to hung all of that on some new lady's back. Then you will see it as an installment of a life.

Life rules:

[1] It ain't fair

[2] We are often not loved/do not love in proportion to the excellence of the love object.

[3] (various downer sorts of things)

....

[8] Magic happens (when you stop clinging to the things that are not magical.)

 
At March 22, 2009 at 12:02 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

p.s. -- Mildred may see you as a downer, but I see you as a fascinating person willing to be absolutely vulnerable, which is rare. A bit of a narcissist, perhaps, but that keeps you laser-focused on how things affect you, which makes for interesting writing.

Why else are we all riveted to your Gothic romance. I would NEVER read that sort of thing, otherwise.

 
At March 22, 2009 at 12:07 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

I do not plan on telling her in any great detail about what's going on, at least until we've known eachother a bit better. I plan on downplaying this whole thing.

Gothic romance? I don't know how you came up with that. It was just a love gone sour, is all.

But I cannot simply not look back. I still plan on coming around to see my grandson, to help out any way I can, especially since the ex's arm is still in a sling. There are animals here for whose welfare I will always fear.

 
At March 22, 2009 at 1:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please don't talk this way. Please don't work yourself up, and don't punish yourself. You're already pushing away help, it looks like. Remember the old saying: "I was unhappy because I had no feet, until I met a man who had been divorced twice in a spousal-support or alimony state"

Craigslist? Maybe it's time to look away from the computer for a while.

 
At March 22, 2009 at 1:30 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

I think I've been around look enough to know what help I need or don't need, what I should or shouldn't do. It would kill me to not come around, just to put my mind at rest that everyone is OK. The distance and silence and uncertainty of the fate of all who will remain would be far more counterproductive than my honest altruism.

 
At March 22, 2009 at 5:04 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

OK, I'm not gonna queer my chances by mentioning the interview I just had. The last time I bragged about a place, I lost it in a matter of hours.

But the fact that I don't wanna jinx myself ought to be taken as an indication of how promisingly it went.

I won't even cross my fingers but I'd appreciate it if some of you would. Put it this way: It's the kind of neighborhood in which even an AIG executive would be proud to live.

 
At March 22, 2009 at 5:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"It would kill me to not come around, just to put my mind at rest that everyone is OK."

Just be sure to adhere to the terms of the restraining order.

 
At March 22, 2009 at 5:16 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

What the hell are you talking about? There won't be any restraining order! She told me just yesterday she'd never tell me not to come around.

 
At March 22, 2009 at 6:48 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

"I plan on downplaying this whole thing"

Wise move. When you're finally physically and mentally away, you'll be free.

Of course she will not tell you to stay away. How many stray kittens refuse the bowl of cream? But they're off to the next one soon enough. When you find a lovely lady of your own, you'll have no need of this balderdash.

"Make yourself a mule, and someone will ride you" --Carl Sandberg

I see a brilliant man waiting to break out.

 
At March 22, 2009 at 6:58 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

I thought I was already brilliant and broken out (snort).

Of course, I almost made a fool of myself twice but I think it actually worked in my favor. They're pretty warm ladies, the mother and daughter, even if overly religious and they didn't seem to mind when I almost broke down twice both at Starbucks and their house, which is eye-popping.

This is still tearing me to pieces. They advised I make a clean break and move on but Ingrid and I don't want that. It still bugged me when that person earlier today mentioned a restraining order. Was that just an out of state crank or someone who knows something I don't?

 
At March 22, 2009 at 8:16 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

Yeah, some of us are saps for big fellows who break down in tears.

"They advised I make a clean break and move on but Ingrid and I don't want that" ...

{snort]: Well, dahlin', if you two lovebirds don't want that, I shall wish you all the best. Que sera, sera.

 
At March 22, 2009 at 10:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just be sure she and mom don't take out a life insurance policy on you...
Don't mean to be a Debbie Downer, but I just watched a documentary on that subject. I'm probably a bigger cynic than you, that's why I love your writing.
Seriously, I do hope it all turns out great for you, JP. I, for one, will be keeping my fingers crossed.

 
At March 23, 2009 at 7:20 AM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

That won't be an issue. I lost the place. Apparently the cigarette smoke that clung to me gave her a splitting headache after I left that she blamed on me and it "wouldn't be a good fit", she wrote.

To make matters worse, someone else last night offered me a room for $100 a week, making me think it was in my hometown. Then she tells me, "Oh, I'm sorry. We don't live in Hudson, we live in Ashland" then goes on the describe the place in detail, anyway.

Looks like I'll be moving into that flophouse, after all. I knew I never should've mentioned that fucking place out loud. This always happens to me. Every. Fucking. Time.

I just can't take this, anymore. I can't take it. Why can't or won't someone, anyone help me instead of making my life more miserable than it already is?

 
At March 23, 2009 at 12:08 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

As man thinketh...

I can't stand cigarette smoke, either. Good places to find good rooms to let/side apts. are church bulletin boards or international societies/student centers.

If you're going to get on with the good people who list at churches, you'll have to wash out the cigarette stench and give up the habit. I know it's not easy, but grandma quit a two-pack a day habit at 55, cold turkey. Never went back and lived another 30 years.

Proverbs 26:11- "As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly."

You are a man, with all potential attendant to that fact, sorry as you may feel.

 

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