Yep, Another Goddamned Meme

My pal and Yiddish researcher Lisa Golden at her new blog, That's Why got a meme from a friend that she was supposed to pass along to 12 people and somehow I wasn't among the dirty dozen.

Seriously, I tend to avoid these damned things like Republicans with the plague but once in a while it's a guilty pleasure to indulge in one as a palette cleanser. There's a lot of shit going around like Max Baucus pulling a Wolfowitz and nominating his own squeeze for a US Attorney's spot, the prospect of Obama doing essentially nothing in Copenhagen, the unemployment rate still holding at double digits. But I just don't feel like writing about any of it, especially since we're no closer to getting a new computer than we were when the hard drive magically turned into a piece of burned toast.

It's not on a par with the famous Proust Questionnaire but here are my answers.

1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
Stale, overpriced coffee that I had to buy for the privilege of using this computer.

2. Where was your profile picture taken?
The Hudson Police Department (if the ex continues with her paranoid harassment, there may be more in the future).

3. Can you play Guitar Hero?
Does it matter if I stay on key? If so, no.

4. Name someone who made you laugh today?
The Rude Pundit. Read his posting from yesterday on Glenn Beck's Christmas sweater.

5. How late did you stay up last night and why?
After midnight. It was Friday night and I was busy reading William Rivers Pitt's HOUSE OF ILL REPUTE, an excellent and often depressing overview of the run-up to war with Iraq and, tragically, a preamble to the buildup in Afghanistan.

6. If you could move somewhere else, would you?
Send us plane tickets and we'll be a dot on the horizon.

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
No, but when my baby kisses me, she makes them.

8. Which of your FB friends lives closest to you?
What's an FB friend? Favorite Best? In the ethers of cyberspace.

9. Do you believe exes can be friends?
If you'd asked me that 8 months ago, I'd've said Yes. But since you're asking me now, I'd have to say that in some cases an exorcism and a trip to a radiologist and an MRI machine would be a prerequisite.

10. How do you feel about Mountain Dew?
Life is already too fast-paced for Mountain Dew.

11. When was the last time you cried really hard?
2-3 days after our cat Sweetie died. When children and animals leave my life, it hits me especially hard.

12. Who took your profile picture?
Frank Capra.

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Our surviving cat, Popeye, last night. The picture below is it.

He also begs at the table so, yes, our demented cat actually thinks he's a dog.

14. Was yesterday better than today?
Not really but the weather was better yesterday.

15. Can you live a day without TV?
Dude, I do that every day of my life.

16. Are you upset about anything?
Let's see, I'm a liberal blogger... Hell, no. What's there to be upset about?

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Every day since late April I've been informed that's the case.

18. Are you a bad influence?
Yes, because I get people to think and that's simply unacceptable in post-literate America.

19. Night out or night in?
In. I owe money to winos and homeless people, I'm so broke.

20. What items could you not go without during the day?
My remaining working laptop. A good Zebra pen and Moleskine notebook. Coffee, my last remaining real world friend.

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
The mother of my grandson Gavin.

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say?
From Lisa Golden: "Crazy=meshuge madman=meshugener source if Yiddish Dictionary Online." It was in response to a question I needed answered for my upcoming novel.

23. How do you feel about your life right now?
With one exception, I've senselessly and needlessly lost everything that I ever loved, wanted or needed just in the space of nine months and I'm told by almost everyone to shut up and stop whining. So I suppose I ought to say I'm ahead of the game because I'm not living on the street and that I'm not dead or dying. Yes, my expectations have been lowered that much.

24. Do you hate anyone?
Oh, boy, point that loaded question somewhere else, pal, or someone's gonna get hurt.

25. If we were to look in your facebook inbox, what would we find?
Nothing. After a brief flirtation with Facebook, I realized it was as vapid, silly and ultimately as big a waste of time as Twitter.

26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
Of course. I can't even afford aspirin.

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
A perfect asshole, yes. Aside from that...

28. What song is stuck in your head?
"All My Life" by Dave Grohl and the Foo Fighters.

29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be?
Santa Claus with two one way tickets out of this economic crater known as Hudson.

30.Wanna have grandkids by the time your 50?
What did I tell you about pointing those loaded questions at me?

31. What do you have to do tomorrow?
Laundry, writing, you know, living la vida loca.

32. Do you think too much or too little?
Too much. Definitely too much. See answer below.

33. Do you smile a lot?
Not as much as I'd like. Some wise man once said "The world is a comedy to those that think and a tragedy to those that feel." That sums it all up.

34. What hour were you born?
9:50 PM.