Wednesday, February 2, 2011

The Insane Clown Posse is in Town


In case you haven’t been paying attention or are trying (understandably) to block it from your memory, the annual CPAC conference is going to be at the Marriott Wardman Park Hotel in Washington from February 10-12th. Among the confirmed speakers:

Rep. Michele Bachmann, Inspiration for the Who’s “suicidal psychopath.”
Gov. Haley Barbour, bloated racist
Hon. John Bolton, group sex-loving psychopath
Andrew Breitbart, lying, racist psychopath
Ann Coulter, anorexic, Islamophobic closet trangender psychopath
Hon. Newt Gingrich, Islamophobic, chronically unemployed psychopath
David Horowitz, Liberals on the campus-fearing psychopath
Sen. Mike Lee, unregulated child labor loving psychopath
Sen. Mitch McConnell, human sawhorse, do nothing racist
Rep. Ron Paul “Please Love Me, Conservatives!”
Sen. Rand Paul Civil rights hating, mountaintop removal loving psychopath
Hon. Tim Pawlenty, Defund ACORN even though they don’t get funds from Minnesota
Gov. Rick Perry, Molly Ivins’ “Governor Goodhair”, secessionist loving psychopath
Hon. Mitt Romney, “Don’t hate me because I mandated health care in Massachusetts.”
Hon. Donald Rumsfeld "We know where they [WMD] are. They're in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south and north somewhat."
Hon. Rick Santorum, Admitted snuggling dead fetuses years before George W. Bush.
Phyllis Schlafly, Ancient conservative artifact, personal friend of Clare Booth Luce, farts dust
Rep. Allen West, Gun shooting, disgraced Lt. Col of a psychopath


Sounds like the DSM IV come to life, doesn’t it? Let’s take a look at some of the scheduled events:

Schedule of Events
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 10th
Introduction: David A. Keene, American Conservative Union CONFIRMED
10:00 Secrets to Landing a Conservative Job – Wilson AB


Oh, so only conservatives need jobs, now? And what, exactly, is “a conservative job”? Selling toxic mortgage-backed securities? Holding public office that enables those who sell toxic mortgage-backed securities to get bailed out? Fucking up the ecosystem with utter impunity?

11:00 How Political Correctness is Harming America’s Military – Marshall Ballroom
Elaine Donnelly, Center for Military Readiness CONFIRMED Ilario Pantano, former Marine and author of Warlord: No Better Friend, CONFIRMED No Worse Enemy


Oh here we go again. More pissing and moaning about the repeal of DADT. I wonder if GOProud will attend that panel?

11:00 Iranium – Citizens United’s CPAC Theater – Delaware Ballroom
Presented by Clarion Fund (1 hour) Explores the dangers posed to the United States and the international community by a nuclear Iran; Followed by Q & A on Iranium.


Iranium! Isn't that clever? Yep, nothing sells like fear, however unfounded and unsupported by intelligence assessments.

1:00 Reagan at 100: Role Model for the Next Generation – Marriott Ballroom
Paul Kengor, author of God and Reagan CONFIRMED
Mark Joseph, producer of Reagan CONFIRMED
Brodi Conover, Reagan Centennial Youth Committee CONFIRMED
Craig Shirley, author of Rendezvous with Destiny CONFIRMED


A role model for the next generation of hypocrites, or how a former liberal Democrat who was the president of a large union became a rock-ribbed, union-busting Republican when it became politically expedient, someone who railed against “socialized medicine” then became a beneficiary of it from 1981 until his death.

Yeah, they sure know how to pick their role models, don’t they? I’m amazed there isn’t a scientific panel discussing ways to reanimate Reagan’s rotting corpse so they can trot him out in 2012.

Moderator: Kate Obenshain, Young America’s Foundation CONFIRMED
1:00 Rep. Steve King (IA) – Marshall Ballroom CONFIRMED
Introduction: Kayne Robinson, National Rifle Association CONFIRMED
1:00 Blogger Lunch with Citizens United Productions – Delaware Ballroom
President David N. Bossie & short video presentation: David v. Goliath: The One Year
Anniversary of Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission


What they seem to forget during their celebration of the SCOTUS selling our elections to the highest corporate bidder is that when the GOP falls out of favor with corporations, they’ll inevitably start flooding the Democrats with their billions.

1:00 Hon. Newt Gingrich – American Solutions Booth
Book Signing – To Save America: Stopping Obama's Secular-Socialist Machine; Valley Forge:
George Washington and the Crucible of Victory, among other titles.


The book title says it all. The Wall Street-coddling, corporate-friendly Obama is a secular Socialist. Right. I suppose next you’ll be telling me he’s Muslim and was actually born in Kenya and… oh, wait…

1:15 Policy Recommendations for Real Immigration Reform – Marshall Ballroom
Secretary of State Kris Kobach (KS) CONFIRMED
Jayne Cannava, Pro-English CONFIRMED
Dino Teppara, Indian American Conservative Council CONFIRMED


Conservative Indians?! Is there actually any such thing? What are they going to arrive in, a Miata?

Moderator: Mark Krikorian, Center for Immigration Studies CONFIRMED
2:00 Hon. Rick Santorum – Marriott Ballroom CONFIRMEDIntroduction: Foster Friess, Jackson, WY CONFIRMED 2:00 America At Risk: The War With No Name – Citizens United’s CPAC Theater – Delaware Ballroom Live introduction by co‐hosts Newt and Callista Gingrich (1.5 hours)


“Getcher fear right here, get it while it’s hot!”

2:30 Traditional Marriage and Society – Marriott Ballroom
Tom Minnery, CitizenLink CONFIRMED
Bishop Harry Jackson, Hope Christian Church CONFIRMED
Michel Faulkner, author of Restoring the American Dream INVITED
Moderator: Carrie Lukas, author of The Politically Incorrect Guide to CONFIRMED


“Getcher fear of the teh gays right here, get it while it’s hot!”

3:00 Your Guy Won. So What? Holding Conservatives’ Feet to the Fire – Wilson AB
Sponsored by the Leadership Institute


Note no one from the mainstream media will be at that one.

4:00 Two-Minute Activists – Marshall Ballroom
Ryan Hecker, Houston Tea Party Society CONFIRMED
Ana Puig, Kitchen Table Patriots CONFIRMED
Deneen Borelli, Project 21 CONFIRMED
Catherine Engelbrecht, King Street Patriots CONFIRMED
Gena Bell, OH CONFIRMED
Burnell Bailey, ME CONFIRMED
Darcy VanOrden, UT CONFIRMED
Katie Kieffer, Blogger CONFIRMED


More like the Two Minutes Hate.

Moderator: Amy Frederick, 60 Plus Association CONFIRMED
4:00 Presentation of Defender of the Constitution Award – Marriott Ballroom
Presenter: Brad O’Leary and David A. Keene
Recipient: Hon. Donald Rumsfeld CONFIRMED


This Bizarro World. In Bizarro World, Donald Rumsfeld get Defender of Constitution Award. In Bizarro World, Obama also get Nobel Peace Prize and Paul Bremer get Preznitdential Medal of Freedom Award.

6:30 C4L Reception w/ Ron Paul & Rand Paul – Wilson AB
Sponsored by Campaign for Liberty (1.5 hours)
Appetizers and Open Bar
Open to Campaign for Liberty Sponsors Only
7:00 Perfect Valor – Citizens United’s CPAC Theater – Delaware Ballroom
A patriotic salute to Iraq war heroes, narrated by Sen. Fred Thompson (1.5 hours)


If you fought in Afghanistan, meh. Fuck you. But if you fought in Iraq without adequate armor, got wounded and flown to a slum named Walter Reed then was blamed for your nightmarish living conditions, we salute you! That is, if we can keep Fred awake long enough.

9:00 Rediscovering God In America I & II – Citizens United’s CPAC Theater – Delaware Ballroom
Citizens United Productions’ Double Feature


I already rediscovered God. I found him loitering at the AF Academy at Colorado Springs.

9:30 The Left’s Campaign to Reshape the Judiciary – Marshall Ballroom
Dan Pero, American Justice Partnership CONFIRMED
Timothy Lee, Center for Individual Freedom CONFIRMED
Ken Klukowski, American Civil Rights Union CONFIRMED
Moderator: Kelly Shackelford, Liberty Institute CONFIR
MED

Oh, yes. Liberal judicial activists. Not to be confused with neoconservative judicial activists who elect presidents through conflict of interest, get involved in the 2nd Amendment and sell our electoral system to the corporations with the most cash.

There’s 11 more pages of this shit but I’m sure you get the message by now. This is going to be just another fear fest starring the usual suspects, crooks, liars, psychopaths, bigots and hypocrites. If you live in the DC/Virginia area, be somewhere else that weekend in case crazy got communicable.

2 Comments:

At February 2, 2011 at 1:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Neoconfederate ACs!

 
At February 3, 2011 at 12:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A patriotic salute to Iraq war heroes, narrated by Sen. Fred Thompson

No Vets need to sign up to attend we only need the Photo Op to show we care, not.
I think you hit 99% right on and the 1% is close enough.

I sure wish Hunter and Molly were here it would be a field day of words.
jo6pac

 

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

All Time Classics

  • Our Worse Half: The 25 Most Embarrassing States.
  • The Missing Security Tapes From the World Trade Center.
  • It's a Blunderful Life.
  • The Civil War II
  • Sweet Jesus, I Hate America
  • Top Ten Conservative Books
  • I Am Mr. Ed
  • Glenn Beck: Racist, Hate Monger, Comedian
  • The Ten Worst Music Videos of all Time
  • Assclowns of the Week

  • Links to the first 33 Assclowns of the Week.
  • Links to Assclowns of the Week 38-63.
  • #99: Dr. Strangehate edition
  • #98: Get Bentghazi edition
  • #97: SNAPping Your Fingers at the Poor edition
  • #96: Treat or Treat, Kiss My Ass edition
  • #95: Monumental Stupidity double-sized edition
  • #94: House of 'Tards edition
  • #93: You Da Bomb! edition.
  • #92: Akin to a Fool edition.
  • #91: Aurora Moronealis edition.
  • #90: Keep Your Gubmint Hands Off My High Pre'mums and Deductibles! edition.
  • #89: Occupy the Catbird Seat/Thanksgiving edition.
  • #88: Heil Hitler edition.
  • #87: Let Sleeping Elephants Lie edition.
  • #86: the Maniacs edition.
  • #85: The Top 50 Assclowns of 2010 edition.
  • #(19)84: Midterm Madness edition.
  • #83: Spill, Baby, Spill! edition.
  • #82: Leave Corporations Alone, They’re People! edition.
  • #81: Hatin' on Haiti edition.
  • #80: Don't Get Your Panties in a Twist edition.
  • #79: Top 50 Assclowns of 2009 edition.
  • #78: Nattering Nabobs of Negativism edition.
  • #77: ...And Justice For Once edition.
  • #76: Reading Tea Leaves/Labor Day edition.
  • #75: Diamond Jubilee/Inaugural Edition
  • #74: Dropping the Crystal Ball Edition
  • #73: The Twelve Assclowns of Christmas Edition
  • #72: Trick or Treat Election Day Edition
  • #71: Grand Theft Autocrats Edition
  • #70: Soulless Corporations and the Politicians Who Love Them Edition
  • Top 10 Secret Service Security Breaches
  • Top 10 LA Radio Shows That Are Rated Higher Than Rush Limbaugh's
  • Top 10 Reasons Operation American Spring Went Flat
  • Top Ten Facts of the MH370 Air Disaster
  • Top 10 Tips for GOP Congressmen Running Against Women
  • Top 10 Signs Walmart's Mistreating its Workers
  • Top 10 Diversions John McCain Found During Syria Hearing
  • Top 10 George Zimmerman Excuses for Speeding.
  • Top 10 Reasons Paula Deen Got Fired by the Food Network
  • Top Ten Ways Pope Francis is Deviating From Convention
  • Top 10 Reasons For the Pope's Resignation
  • Top 10 Emails Hacked From the Bush Family's Email Accounts
  • Top 10 Lies Told by Mitt Romney at the 2nd Debate.
  • Top 10 Examples of How Hard the Campaign Trail is on Ann D. Romney.
  • Top 10 Ways to Tell The Boston Red Sox Are Finished.
  • Top 10 Things Mitt May be Hiding in His Tax Returns.
  • Top 10 Events at the Romney Olympics.
  • Mitt Romney's Top 10 Wild & Crazy Moments.
  • Top Ten Reasons Why Dick Cheney Got a Heart Transplant.
  • Top 10 Facts About Tonight's New England/Denver Game.
  • My Top 10 Resolutions.
  • Top 10 Rejected Slogans of the Romney Campaign.
  • Top 10 Reasons Herman Cain Suspended His Campaign.
  • Top 10 Trending Topics on Twitter During #OWS Eviction.
  • Top 10 Herman Cain Pickup Lines.
  • Top 10 Changes Since Anthony Weiner Decided to Resign.
  • Top 10 Inaccuracies re bin Laden's Death.
  • Top 10 Ways to Prevent a TSA Patdown.
  • Top Ten Things Not to Say When You're Pulled Over.
  • Top 10 Reasons Why Donald Trump Bowed Out of the Presidential Race.
  • Top 10 Ways Evangelicals Will Prepare for the Rapture II.
  • Top 10 Revelations in Today's Parliament Inquiry into News Corp.
  • Top 10 Reasons Why There Was No Vote on the Debt Ceiling Last Night.
  • Top 10 Revelations in Dick Cheney's Upcoming Memoir.
  • Top Ten Ways Americans Will Observe the 10th Anniversary of 9/11.
  • Top Ten Advances in Women's Rights in Saudi Arabia.
  • Top Ten Inaccuracies in Bill O'Reilly's Book About Lincoln.
  • Top Ten Suggestions From the Cat Food Commission.
  • Top Ten Worst Moments in George W. Bush's Presidency.
  • Top Ten Facts in George W. Bush's Memoir.
  • Top Ten Reasons Terry Jones Postponed His Koran Burning
  • Top 10 Causes for Dick Cheney's Congestive Heart Failure
  • Top Ten Ways That Jan Brewer Will Celebrate Cinco de Mayo
  • Top Ten Demands in Sarah Palin's Contract
  • Top Ten Whoppers in Karl Rove's New Book
  • Top 10 Items Left Behind in Rush Limbaugh's Apartment
  • Top Ten Things Barack Obama said to Rush Limbaugh in the Hospital
  • Top Ten Bizarre Promos Offered by the New Jersey Nets
  • Top 10 Bush Executive Orders Labor Wants President Obama to Repeal
  • George W. Bush's Top Ten Lesser Achievements
  • Boolean Bozoism

  • #19
  • #18
  • #17
  • #16
  • #15
  • #14
  • #13
  • #11
  • #10
  • Empire Of The Senseless.
  • Christwire.org: Conservative Values for an Unsaved World.
  • Esquire's Charles Pierce.
  • Brilliant @ Breakfast.
  • The Burning Platform.
  • The Rant.
  • Mock, Paper, Scissors.
  • James Petras.
  • Towle Road.
  • Avedon's Sideshow (the new site).
  • At Largely, Larisa Alexandrovna's place.
  • The Daily Howler.
  • The DCist.
  • Greg Palast.
  • Jon Swift. RIP, Al.
  • God is For Suckers.
  • Hullabaloo, Digby's place.
  • The Rude Pundit.
  • Driftglass.
  • Newshounds.
  • William Grigg, a great find.
  • Brad Blog.
  • Down With Tyranny!, Howie Klein's blog.
  • Wayne's World. Party time! Excellent!
  • Busted Knuckles, aka Ornery Bastard.
  • Mills River Progressive.
  • Right Wing Watch.
  • Earthbond Misfit.
  • Anosognosia.
  • Echidne of the Snakes.
  • They Gave Us a Republic.
  • The Gawker.
  • Outtake Online, Emmy-winner Charlotte Robinson's site.
  • The artist formerly known as Politits. The politics are still liberal.
  • Skippy, the Bush Kangaroo
  • No More Mr. Nice Blog.
  • Head On Radio Network, Bob Kincaid.
  • Spocko's Brain.
  • Pandagon.
  • Slackivist.
  • WTF Is It Now?
  • No Blood For Hubris.
  • Lydia Cornell, a very smart and accomplished lady.
  • Roger Ailes (the good one.)
  • BlondeSense.
  • The Smirking Chimp.
  • Hammer of the Blogs.
  • Vast Left Wing Conspiracy.
  • Argville.
  • Existentialist Cowboy.
  • The Progressive.
  • The Nation.
  • Mother Jones.
  • Vanity Fair.
  • Salon.com.
  • Raw Story.
  • Citizens For Legitimate Government.
  • News Finder.
  • Indy Media Center.
  • Lexis News.
  • Military Religious Freedom.
  • McClatchy Newspapers.
  • The New Yorker.
  • Bloggingheads TV, political vlogging.
  • Find Articles.com, the next-best thing to Nexis.
  • Altweeklies, for the news you won't get just anywhere.
  • The Smirking Chimp
  • Don Emmerich's Peace Blog
  • Wikileaks.
  • The Peoples' Voice.
  • Dictionary.com.
  • CIA World Fact Book.
  • IP address locator.
  • Tom Tomorrow's hilarious strip.
  • Babelfish, an instant, online translator. I love to translate Ann Coulter's site into German.
  • Newsmeat: Find out who's donating to whom.
  • Wikipedia.
  • Uncyclopedia.
  • anysoldier.com
  • Icasualties
  • Free Press
  • YouTube
  • The Bone Bridge.
  • Powered by Blogger

    http://DeeperLeft.com