Obama, Super Congress, Announce 17 Weeks of Games, Executions

The imperial oligarchy otherwise known as the Presidency and the Super Congress, announced today that the historic subversion of the Republic and its Democratic process will be celebrated by 17 consecutive weeks of gladiatorial combat and executions of liberals.

The 17 weeks of games, instead of being played out in a central amphitheater in the nation's Capitol, will be held in several cities across the nation. There was serious doubt this brutal sport would be held until a deal was reached between wealthy gladiators and the obscenely wealthy owners.

Furthermore, the oligarchical Super Congress or the government within a government, stipulated that liberals be sacrificed before each of the games in the 17 week-long celebrations or it will trigger another $1.2 trillion in spending cuts. Said Emperor Obama, "That's asking a bit too much. I have to draw the line in the sand somewhere. Hey, Barney Frank, peel me a grape then blow me."

By the end of the day, however, the Emperor said from Pebble Beach, "OK, I didn't realize the Republicans of the Republic were willing to gas liberals with Zyklon B first and that they weren't actually advocating throwing them in the ovens alive. Now we have a starting point for some bipartisan consensus."

There's also talk the Super Congress is seriously considering allocating funds for a bath house so that Grover Norquist can drag members not in the Super Congress one by one and to drown them in it.