Has it Really Come to This?
Jesus fucking tap dancing Christ in a chorus line of cancan hamsters, has it come to this? Auditions for wavers? Seriously? Those poor saps you see freezing their asses off on the street in the dead of winter as they wave like idiots to motorists in Statue of Liberty and gorilla costumes while making minimum wage? Those guys had to actually pass auditions and undergo drug screenings?!
Do I have what it takes, folks? I mean, I may be a bit rusty. I haven't waved since Election Night when I bid a not-so-fond adieu to Mitt and Ann Romney and many 86'd Republicans. Break a leg, kids. Ziegfeld's out there.
I mean, seriously, folks, I've gotten in cabs where the driver needed both a GPS and verbal instructions to get me a mile and a half across my small town. I've gotten countless fast food and coffee orders fucked up by people for whom English is a third language at best. I've met nurses who didn't know what a BUN is. And we elect to Congress and the presidency six figure-a-year idiots who don't know basic shit that your average 10th grade civics student would be expected to know.
Yet, I, someone with ISO 9001 training as a quality inspector, someone with retail management experience and someone who in the military used multimillion dollar machinery and equipment, can't get a job cleaning up dog shit at a kennel, when I have experience doing just that, and people have to audition and suffer through humiliating background checks and drug screenings just to flop their wrists at random strangers for minimum wage? Seriously???
Pull chain, repeat as necessary until western civilization finally circles the porcelain and meets the galactic sewer system.