Happy Halloween!

     This is one of my favorite  jpegs ever out of the countless thousands I've used and made over the years, this one having been used as the lead image from probably my favorite (and longest) Assclowns of the Week ever, the Halloween edition from 2005.
      Of course, the scariest things facing us this Halloween will fill up more Depends adult diapers than anything we'll see on the Main Streets of America tonight. Wendy Davis is losing to FDR's evil twin (aka Greg Abbot) by 20 percentage points, according to one poll. Nate Silver's saying the Republicans actually have a 62% chance of retaking the Senate as well as holding on to the House. Greg Palast and al Jazeera recently exposed a 28 state Republican plot that essentially purged 7,000,000 voters off the rolls for the flimsiest of reasons, if any at all, and no one's doing anything about it.
     Not that he's been any great shakes but if the GOP grabs control of all of Congress, Obama's basically going to be the lamest of lame duck Presidents and for the next two years will be like a house nigger with a 500 pound ball chained to his ankle until his house arrest is over in 2017.
     And you idiots will have no one to blame but yourselves. If the last midterm election's any indication, less than 37% of you morons will come out to vote, which is typical for midterms because maybe you think your guy or gal can't possibly lose or because the White House isn't at stake. Such thinking is what gave the Republicans the fucking House in 2010.
     True, we'll win some races but we'll lose even more because you couldn't be bothered to get your doughnut-distended derrieres off your aptly-named Laz-E-Boys. And if the GOP takes the upper chamber, well...
     ...Well, even if there's some truth to the persistent liberal hope that Obama would finally pull out all the stops and go all Nat Turner on the GOP's fat, pasty ass by doing the things we've been waiting six years for him to do, well, that sandbagging will have to continue for another two years because a GOP-dominated Congress ain't gonna let those goodies out of the bag.
     No, it'll be all tricks and no treats until January 2017. Darrell Issa's endless hearings on Benghazi and Fast and Furious will continue and the Speaker of the Oompa Loompas will continue his frivolous lawsuit suing the President for something, anything and "I" word will continue to be The Topic on the Washington DC cocktail circuit.
     Greg Abbott will get elected and Texas will turn redder than Karl Marx's asshole after a Commie gay sex orgy because you lazy losers decided to stay home. And if you think I'm wrong or pessimistic about what I'm saying here now come back to this forum this Wednesday morning and show me how I was wrong. I'll be live-blogging Election Night here for the one or two people who will care to come here but mark my words: There won't be any major surprises on Super Tuesday. This is one time when I believe most of the polls.
     And those who didn't vote will piss and moan while playing Wednesday morning pundit that gerrymandering is what did us in (you know, the same shit we were puling about after Election Night two years ago). But gerrymandered districts do not account for Republican victories and will not work if you still get off your asses and vote despite all the stumbling blocks the vote-caging fascists of the GOP throw between you and your polling place.
     Because, while the latter-day Democratic Party has the cajones of a Ken doll, they're not the ones who are nakedly and viciously grasping at every and any opportunity to disenfranchise you and your vote. The GOP and their corporate employers are against you breathing, eating, marrying within your gender, your children getting to live out their lives and are successfully selling the only commodity they have: Hatred, bigotry, fear and division.
     The GOP this year is the same one as the election cycle before that and the one before that and the one before that: They are the party of Old, White Male Oligarchs who shouldn't have enough people in their base to carry hundreds of elections yet somehow they do. Because you Democrats and Independents can't get off your asses and drive the mile or two to your polling place and give ten minutes out of 24 months.
     So if you didn't vote, I don't want to hear any shit from you on Wednesday about how it sucks that Wendy Davis got steamrolled by Greg Abbot's wheelchair or how unfair it is that Scott Walker got re-elected or that Paul LaPage got re-elected Governor of Maine by double digits. Gerrymandering and racist Republican dirty tricks wouldn't work if Democrats and all people of conscience get the fuck out and vote that conscience.
     Because of you don't, every fucking day and night for the foreseeable future will be a real life Festival of Samhain.

The Mayor Who Governed With His Feet

     To see and hear him, Tom Menino was all wrong for the job. Constantly compared to Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble and stigmatized by the nickname "Mumbles", Boston's longest-serving mayor looked as if he should've been toiling as a stevedore long ago before Boston's famed waterfront became dilapidated and irrelevant. When Mayor Raymond Flynn got tapped in 1993 to be our Ambassador to the Vatican by President Bill Clinton, Tom Menino was looked upon as a seat-warmer, a transitional Mayor until a real Boston Irishman would continue the line and be installed in the Mayor's Office. Then Menino did something no one expected: He ran for the office and won by a landslide. Then he did it again and again and again and again, never winning by less than 15%.
     Tom Menino died yesterday of cancer at the age of 71. And moreso than his fellow Democratic predecessors Flynn and Kevin White, he had the common touch. Whether he was in West Roxbury or the Greater Metro area of Boston, Menino was equally at home anywhere within the city limits and his unprecedented tenure as Mayor provided Boston with a comforting stability. That and a revitalized Boston waterfront that created countless jobs as well as a different Boston skyline than he had inherited in 1993.
     Menino once toyed with the idea of making a run for Congress back when Massachusetts still had 11 Congressional districts but that evaporated when jerrymandering phased out the 11th. Working his way up through the ranks, his star rose more rapidly than President Obama's when 1993 alone saw him skyrocket from Councilman to President of the City Council to Acting Mayor to Mayor.
     And he could easily be compared to other great mayors from eras past. As with Fiorello LaGuardia and the first Richard Daley, he was a man who seemed, contrary to outward appearances, born to be a big city mayor. And like the aforementioned, his temper would flash when he perceived his city was slighted or injured in any way. Even at a time when Boston's other machine Democrats would shy from courting demographics hostile to them, Menino would embrace them, even conservatives who could not argue how well he'd done for Boston's private sector. While shunning Bostons's annual St. Patrick's day parade because of the organizers banning the LGBT community, the Mayor proudly marched with them in their own parade and was right there in City Hall in 2004 for the marriage of the Goodridges, America's first legally married gay couple. 
     There was nothing flashy or slick about the five-term mayor. Menino was much more prone to keep his feet on Boston concrete than in the clouds above the Pru that dominates the Boston cityscape. Putting a workingman's ethic into governing one of the world's great cities, Hizzoner toiled for close to two decades, virtually his entire time in office, to realizing his dream for a revamped waterfront that had faded into shameful disrepair. Kevin White may have cleaned up the Charles River but it was Tom Menino who had restored Boston's once-famous waterfront to its former glory and had created countless jobs in the process.
     And like every iconic big city mayor, Menino was born in the city, growing to love it from childhood when his influential mother acted as "the Mother Teresa of Hyde Park", according to his memoirs. Menino made it a point to be there at virtually every dedication whether it be a new skyscraper taking its place among the others brought about by him or the grand opening of a local bodega.
     Indeed, even when his health began to decline a couple of years ago as the cancer worked its insidious way through his body, Menino insisted on pushing himself off his wheelchair and standing at a podium to honor during a ceremony the fallen victims of the Boston Marathon bombing, the podium hiding his Foley catheter and bag attached to his wheelchair.
     If it isn't a political bromide, it ought to be that a good mayor governs with his feet. Fiorello LaGuardia and Richard Daley understood that. So did Tom Menino and in the near future may Boston be so fortunate to have another similar to him.

Good Times at Pottersville, 10/29/14

Good Times at Pottersville, 10/28/14

(An exclusive strip can also be found at Brilliant at Breakfast.)

Good Times at Pottersville, 10/27/14

Calling All Geeks

     So here's what I did.
     Yesterday, I got myself a Toshiba at the local Best Buy with a 1TB HD for real cheap. After nearly three and a half years, my old Lenovo just isn't cutting it anymore. Ergo, despite our financial difficulties, I had to bite the bullet and get an upgrade. Anyway, I ran into a few problems right out of the gate.
     Firstly, this Toshiba, as with so many other computers these days, doesn't come with the full complement of bundled software. Manufacturers finally discovered they could make a shitload more money by stealing that software that we'd taken for granted and replacing it with some shitty Microsoft 365 scam. This is essentially a free 30 day trial whereby they then take away the "freebies" from you, forcing you to buy the software.
     Fortunately, as a writer all I need from Microsoft's Office Suite is MS Word, which I already have on a boot disk I'd downloaded years ago from Frostwire. After initial difficulty, I'd been able to load this on my Lenovo and have been using it ever since. This time around, however, I don't know how to actually load Word 7 on my HD. I have an icon on my desktop but when I double click on it, the program pretends to start to load then doesn't. This computer will be worthless to me unless I can get Word to work. I'd compressed it, unzipped it. Nothing works.
     Secondly, I tried loading my HP printer software on the Toshiba only to discover in the window that pops up just the exit button's shown and not the install button. My Lenovo uses Windows 7 but the Toshiba uses Windows 8 or 8.1, which is radically different from 7. (Actually, I hate it, which leads to another question: Is it feasible to switch out my Windows 8 OS for Windows 7 and will 7 automatically overwrite 8?). The disk I got from HP says it is formatted for Windows 7 but not 8. Is that the sticking point? Do I need to call HP and send me a boot disk formatted for Windows 8?
     Again, if I can't get the new computer to recognize my printer, it's virtually worthless.
     Since I don't know anything about FTP (or File Transfer Protocol), I'm backing up my files slowly Old School by emailing them to myself since my email's internet-based. But I haven't a prayer of opening them up unless I can get Word 7 loaded on my hard drive.
     So any technical advice would be greatly appreciated.
(Update) Rather than confining any suggestions to the comment section, please email me at Crawman2@yahoo.com.
(Update 2)  It seems that after installing the device driver that popped up when I plugged the printer into the Toshiba, the boot disk became irrelevant since it seems to print fine off Notepad. So, my biggest problem is installing Word 2007. Microsoft's "solution" for installing a program off a disk basically told me to do the same thing that's been making me go around in circles for a day.

Ted Cruz, Columnist, is Now Officially a 5th Columnist

     For all those lib'ral naysayers who have been claiming the contrary, Sen. Ted Cruz is literate and proved it by writing an op-ed for USA Today last Sunday that has to be read to be believed. Essentially, it's Cruz's stunningly brilliant ten point plan to wrestle the federal government down by the horns so it can become Cruz's moaning, sobbing, pillow-eating bitch. If nothing else, it proves that #1 Far from Teddy the Cross succeeding in keeping the white-suited men with the butterfly nets away from his plainly senile father Rafael, he and Daddy ought to be sharing the same bedpan in the same East Texas rehab facility. #2, it also proves that Cruz is nakedly a fifth columnist.  
     It all starts out with Cruz's patent right wing delusions of the Republican Party taking over the entire Congress. "By all signs, Americans are preparing to send Washington a clear message in the 2014 elections. The question is, will Washington listen?"
     First off, I'm going to say that there is no way on God's green earth that the same Republican Party that shut down the government a year ago, created and passed 0 jobs bills, denied veterans any means to decently sustain themselves, denied us countless nominated judges and a Surgeon General for a year and essentially pissed off everyone but their oligarch employers on Wall Street is ever going to retain all their seat plus win the six additional ones needed for a Republican majority. Nate Silver can say all he wants that the GOP has a 62% chance of taking the upper chamber. It's not going to happen. Jerry Falwell's rotting corpse will claw itself out of its grave and be the Grand Marshall for Provincetown's next Gay Pride March down Commercial Street before that nightmare will happen.
     Secondly, since when did Cruz ever have a vested interest in Washington listening to what the American people say, especially when it runs counter to their Apocalyptic agenda? Cruz' entire political career on Capitol Hill has been an endless variegated way of saying, "Fuck the vox populi!" whether it be in trying to repeal ObamaCare, pissing off Christian Arab audiences or reading from a Dr. Seuss book.
     So here's Cruz's ten point plan, with the usual commentary from yours truly:
     First, embrace a big pro-jobs, growth agenda.
     Seriously, when did Cruz or any Republican ever give a shit about job creation except during times like this (an election year)? They cynically ran on a jobs platform in 2010 and 2012 and got their fat pasty asses handed back to them both times. As stated earlier, the GOP has not passed one jobs bill in all those years because the only jobs they're interested in is their own. True, as Rick the Dick reminds us at every turn, Texas leads all states in job creation since Perry took over but what they always fail to mention is that the Lone Star state more unambiguously leads the nation in minimum wage and temp jobs. And even Perry's office admits the biggest job growth is in the upper half of the pay scale.
     Second, pursue all means possible to repeal Obamacare.
     Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Dr. Albert Einstein.
     Third, secure the border and stop illegal amnesty.
     Remember, this fucking bozo actually graduated from law school and passed the bar exam (which in Texas I suspect was written by Orly Taitz and Michele Bachmann).
     Can someone tell me what the fuck "illegal amnesty" is? If the government  officially offers amnesty and it hasn't been found unconstitutional by the high court, then it's legal. And, once again, even though the president's been steadily hammering Congress to pass some amnesty legislation, they've been about as invested in doing so as they are in creating an actual jobs bill.
     Remember, also, this border paranoia comes from a Latino who was born in Canada after his Castro-loving daddy pulled some strings to illegally insert himself and his family into the US. Secure the border? Yeah, wrong border and too little too late.
     Fourth, hold government accountable and rein in judicial activism.
     Another selective right wing trope. Activism can be defined as a moderate from either party who votes or rules in favor of a bill or law running counter to the Republican Party's paranoid vision. I guess, in Cruz's Dr. Seuss mind, "activism" also includes Chief Justice John Roberts, who proved to be the surprising swing vote in upholding 99% of the ACA.
     And "holding government accountable" is exactly the reason why the GOP will not retake the Senate after all the shenanigans the 113th Congress has pulled these past two years.
     Fifth, Stop the Culture of Corruption
     Forget that this is a Pelosi buzz phrase. The irony meter just shot from left to right with an audible Clonk!
     A quick look at some of the usual suspects making up Cruz's war chest reads like a list of the SEC's Top Ten Most Wanted. Topping the list by far is the notorious Club For Growth, the far right wing cesspool founded by Steve Moore. You may have heard of the Wisconsin chapter of the CFG every time Scott Walker's legal woes are mentioned. Walker's been all but forbidden from receiving any payola from them during the pending litigation and the poor man has to rely on handouts from the Republican Governor's Association to keep alive any hope of keeping his seat.
     Anyway, that's just one of the scumbag running buddies of Tailgunner Ted, another being Goldman Sachs. Still think Cruz is interested in listening to the vox populi?
     Sixth, pass fundamental tax reform, making taxes flatter, simpler and fairer.
     Yet another tired, right wing mantra, a "flatter, simpler and fairer" tax on the 1% and corporations would be at an ideal flat 0% rate (and many corporations already pay negative taxes, some of them, Gasp! being Cruz's own employers campaign donors). Drag, bathtub, drown, yada yada.
     Seventh, Audit the Federal Reserve
     Seriously? This is like Old Home Week for right wing platitudes. Considering we're paying this clown $174,000 a year for working just over 100 days, I'd think that Cruz would have the time and motivation for inventing new right wing conspiracy theories.
     Eighth, pass a strong balanced budget amendment
     Ha ha ha ha! The GOP, even with a Senate majority, would have about as much of a chance of passing Congress and being signed by the President as Rafael Cruz regaining his sanity. If America had ever needed one, previous Congresses would have already passed it. Plus, under Obama, federal spending has slowed to 1.4%, the slowest rate in modern times. But you won't hear Teddy admitting that much.
     Ninth, repeal Common Core.
     Again, this would have zero chance of happening. First off, it's state-led, meaning Cruz and his few zealous followers in the Senate would have no say over it. So don't listen to Cruz and the right wing hind leg chewers at Red State. It is state-led, not a federal takeover of education, and it works a helluva sight better than the immediately defunded No Child Left Behind.
     Maestro, drum roll, please?
     Tenth, deal seriously with the twins threats of ISIL and a nuclear Iran
     Because a day without war in the Middle East is like a day without Koolaid.
     ISIL has killed about as many Americans on US soil as Ebola, which is to say Bupkiss. And while I've never been a fan of Obama's foreign policy, it can't be argued the president's response to ISIS and ISIL was swift and decisive while old farts like Brit Hume were harrumphing over the Commander in Chief's choice of words.
     And a nuclear Iran is no more a reality now than it was eight years ago when Republicans were slavering to go to war with them over their nonexistent WMDs.
     Basically, what Cruz is doing is measuring himself for a big red cape so he can appear to the Texas goobers who vote for him as the Superman who will take on Obama's Lex Luthor... for two more years. After the president leaves office on January 20th 2017, there's no telling what liberal beast will rear its ugly head but I trust that St. Ted will wave his corkscrew broadsword at it to little if any effect.

Meme o' the Day, Pt 2

     What the Palins need is a Hillbilly Whisperer.

Meme o' the Day

   Memes: God's way of saying, "He ain't got shit today but here's some proof of life."
   Still in the teeth of this damned revision. Here's what it's like trying to trim a 255,000 word book down to a 199,000+ word book: Imagine removing every fifth block from one of the Great Pyramids on the Giza Plain while keeping it upright and its structural integrity intact. Yeah, it's kinda like that. But TATTERDEMALION's turning into a better and better book. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.
    We writers depend very heavily on delusion almost as much as Republican voters.

Riddle:

#cheneysgotagun #gunsense #Repealthe2ndAmendment #FucktheNRA pic.twitter.com/kRBPJAA1aI
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) October 19, 2014

     Q: Why does Walmart sell so many pants?
     A: Because we keep pissing ours.
     Seriously, when the fuck did we become such a nation of wet-legged twats, ready to piss ourselves like an abused stray dog meeting a stranger? Did our grandparents act this way after Pearl Harbor? No, the men went to war, the women became WACS, nurses, made planes, tanks and ships. The middle aged and elderly formed civil defense organizations and held scrap iron, paper and rubber drives, our grandmothers rolled bandages for the Red Cross and they even sold War Bonds in their spare time.
     They didn't sell out their own neighbors and threaten to ruin their careers because (Gasp!) one of them went to Dallas or boot them off planes because a toddler said something that got people upset.
     No, we pulled together as a nation and repelled a very real threat to our democracy. Churchill and FDR didn't tell us, "Turn in your neighbor if they eat Japanese takeout" and Edward R. Murrow didn't tell us to hide in our basements and hope the Germans don't get us.
     Seriously, people, the terrorists (that is, if they were indeed the ones who pulled off 9/11) won 13 years ago because they did their jobs. We're properly terrorized, thanks to the manic disaster organ grinder monkeys at Fox "News" and other endorphin-spewing mainstream media outlets who know all too well that fucking fear sells faster than anal lube on a gay cruise ship.
     It's not puppies saved from being euthanized or little kids setting up lemonade stands for a worthy charity that gets us flipping those remotes, it's good old fashioned FEAR.
     "ISIL and ISIS is going to cross the Mexican border!"
     "Little brown kids are going to cross the Mexican border!"
     "Ebola! Oh, shit, we're all gonna die in puddles of our own diarrhea and vomit!"
     "OMFG, the President is a nigger!"
     Meanwhile, we make heroes out of self-styled vigilantes who murder unarmed children with impunity and tax cheats and rich welfare queens and their militias. You know, the real turds in the punchbowl.
     We shrug our shoulders at the "good guys with guns" at our shoulders waiting on line at a Kroger's or Target and shit our Sears Sans-a-Belt Actionwear slacks at the very thought of regional rump terrorist outfits 7000 miles away threatening our freedoms that have already been taken away by our own government.
     In all seriousness, when the hell did we become such a nation of yellow-legged cunts scared of our own shadows, mainlining fear like a heroin addict in Needle Park? I'll tell you when:
     September 11th, 2001. The day the bravery died and was replaced with empty bravado by the Three Card Monte dealers and shell game artists of the US government.

Good Times at Pottersville #24

Good Times at Pottersville. 10/17/14

Cut Old White Pervs Like Me a Break

By Cyril Blubberpuss, Esq.

     I was just saying to my butt boy the other day as I was gently trying a new cigar cutter on his pinkie that 60 year-old white guys like me have it too rough. The liberals are screaming that we make too much money, don't pay enough taxes, that we victimize the weak and poor, never face criminal justice, "Affluenza", wah, wah.
     Then John Grisham descends from the heavens like a naked Martin Mull on a clam shell and helps set things right.
     In a limey newspaper, Grisham inveighed against 60 year-old white men like us getting sent to prison for downloading kiddie porn after knocking back a few too many single malt scotches. Now, liberal muck-rakers like the perennially jobless loser who's the, er, "proprietor" of this left wing sewer of a blog may read too much into that. JP would say something like, "What about black or Latino kiddie porn surfers?" or "I'm assuming this is Grisham's tacit admission that only old, white pervs do this."
     But Grisham is spot-on. Surfing through kiddie porn sites is a victimless crime simply because we look but don't touch. Why, I'm sure the under-aged runaways who frequently pose for their legions of white, late middle-aged male fans get compensated very well for their work. And once you get up to 13-15 years of age, these wily young entrepreneurs and artisans fully know what they're doing and are every bit as much the hard-nosed negotiators as their Wall Street counterparts. Trust me, they don't all live under bridges in Seattle and dumpster dive at McDonald's as Rush says.
     What Grisham was kind enough not to say, and what I will admit here, is that the 60 year-old white guy to whom Grisham was referring, his friend who went away for 10 years for downloading kiddie porn, was actually my kid brother Cecil. Cecil was at the Stonewall Inn on Christopher Street one night in 2004 and had one or two too many Glenlivets. Actually, he rarely goes to the Stonewall but he loves the fact it's on Christopher Street and the very name conjures up images for him of a short-pantsed Christopher Robin of the Winnie the Pooh books, with whom he'd always had an unhealthy fascination.
     Anyway, he finally pours himself into a cab, goes back to his loft in the Village, and essentially butt-dials a porno site on his cell phone, only with his fingers. Anyway, without knowing it, Cecil finds himself in a chat room in which other like-minded men are sharing pictures of these young beauties who never seem to smile or look happy. Eventually, he found himself in a drunken dialogue with another middle-aged white man whose handle was "EIB69", someone who said he was in the radio business. Before Cecil knew it, he woke up naked in the middle of his living room, his laptop's monitor covered with dried semen and his hand on his sated but withered phallus.
     Well, Holy Goebbels, before he knew it, the FBI knocks on his door before breaking it down, finding my poor kid brother in his state of dishabille. On the monitor was a picture of a nude young gentleman who looked suspiciously like Justin Bieber and after scanning the contents of his hard drive, charged him with downloading kiddie porn.
     So, if Grisham was referencing my kid brother, he wasn't actually telling the whole story. Cecil got sent to Riker's Island for just three months while our late father Ambrose worked his magic and blackmailed a judge who was also an aficionado of the same website. Oddly enough, Cecil was extremely reluctant to leave Riker's mumbling something about a life-altering experience in the prison shower. Anyway, bottom line: Cecil got sprung and there his internet-surfing activities were put to an end. As part of a special plea deal, the prosecution compromised by ordering an electronic cock ring to be put around Cecil's member so that any tumescence could be measured in real time so the cause could be investigated.
     Or it could be Mr. Grisham was directly referencing "EIB69", who's still in the radio business and works from home in Florida. Although, if this EIB69 is who I think it is, he never spent a single day in jail even after he was caught coming back from Hispaniola years ago with some doctor's Viagra on his carryon.
     Then again, Mr. Grisham could making up the whole anecdote and that perhaps he doesn't actually move in those seamy circles. That's what writers call "poetic license."

Good Times at Pottersville, 10/15/14

For Jamie

     For the last several decades of my life, October 14th was a day of celebration. It happens to be the birthday of my first girlfriend and mother of my oldest child, someone whom I still count as my oldest and dearest friend. But three years ago today, Jamie Hubley of Kanata, Ontario, Canada changed all that.
     Jamie, as you may or not recall from the pages of this blog, stole a bottle of sleeping pills and did away with himself one Saturday morning while his father, a local politician, was smiling for pictures a short distance away for the dedication of a new field. Jamie's suicide stunned the Canadian community even in a year in which a tragic and alarming number of gay, bi and lesbian teens were doing away with themselves all over North America.
     Jamie was the only openly gay boy in his entire high school and, as with so many other LGBT teens, was the victim of bullying. He was insulted, marginalized, ostracized, stigmatized and made to feel as if he was less than nothing on a nearly daily basis. And, in the end, even this sweet, gorgeous, talented 15 year-old and his loving, supportive family and friends, psychotherapist and access to pharmaceuticals couldn't be saved and he sought and found a permanent solution to what surely was a temporary problem.
     And Jamie Hubley lived in a nation in which gay marriage is legal all over the country. His bullying classmates notwithstanding, Canada overall has a much more tolerant attitude toward their LGBT community than we do here in America.
     And three years is not such a long time except perhaps in the rapid fire give and take of the internet. A quick look at the #JamieHubley hashtag on Twitter reveals that on that giant social network only two people had used the hashtag today: Myself and Jamie's own father. There is something wrong with that, as deeply wrong and intolerable as Jamie's suicide.
     While the Supreme Court's recent decision not to rule on gay marriage one way or the other has led to a floodgate of lower court rulings striking down gay marriage bans from coast to coast (as many as 32 states may have legal same sex marriage by the end of the year, a full two thirds of the US), much work still needs to be done regarding our attitudes about our own LGBT community.
     Obviously, our community has made great strides. When I first came out as bisexual here over fours years ago, only five states plus the District of Columbia had legal gay marriage. Now we're talking dozens and the tide is turning. The trend is irreversible. But court rulings and referendums only do so much. It's the winning over of hearts and minds that counts and where the fight truly begins.
     One problem is the nomenclature and words we use. To me, the very words "homosexual", "heterosexual" and "bisexual" are deeply offensive and limiting and I'll tell you why: It's the insistence on using the suffix "-sexual", as if that one facet of gay or bisexual life completely defines the entire LGBT experience. Obviously, it doesn't. But the common usage of these words (and the rabid homophobic right wing's insistence on and reasons for using "homosexual" instead of the more modern and correct "gay" is all too telling) automatically limits our perceptions as to what it means to be LGBT.
     The very use of the words with the "-sexual" suffix chokes off our perception of the gay or bisexual experience to a sexual one, in which straight people typically recoil when they imagine men or women making love with each other. Sure, sexuality is a part of human existence but only a part. As with everyone else, LGBT people wake up, put on the coffee pot, go to work, make money, pay bills and taxes, go to the dentist, go to school, walk the dog, fall in love, get married (if their state allows it) and even raise families just like everyone else.
     And nobody, I don't care who they are, has the moral authority, nor should they have a legal one, to dictate to any other human being whom they have the right to marry or not marry. You go to the Castro or Fire Island or Provincetown, find a gay couple deliriously in love and happy to be in each other's company then tell them their happiness and joy is the product of a mistake of a lifestyle choice or a phase they'll grow out of and see the reaction you'll get.
     Jamie Hubley felt he was asked for more time than he could give. The idea of enduring three more years of high school and waiting a year for the next local Pride event was more than he could endure contemplating. And Jamie had advantages many other gay youth do not have: He had a solid support network beginning with a loving, supportive family and friends, a doctor, drugs to counter his mood swings. And it still wasn't enough.
     Think of how difficult it is for LGBT youth who don't have those advantages, those who lack Jamie's courage to come out regardless of whether or not anyone comes out with them. A few days ago was National Coming Out Day but we shouldn't reserve a sole day of the year to encourage these tortured kids to come out. We need to redouble, if not triple, our efforts to tell these kids that, yes, it does get better and that a stigmatized past and present is not necessarily a predictor of the future. Jamie, in his pain and immaturity, couldn't see that. But there are so many others we need to save.

Good Times at Pottersville, 10/13/14

Happy Columbus Day... unless you're a native American.

Top 10 Demands Made by the IOC

     Early this month, Oslo, Norway essentially dropped out of the bidding to host the 2022 Winter Olympics by refusing to fund it. Part of the possible reasons for the Norwegians' disinterest were the IOC's list of demands, which were partly:

• Cars and drivers for IOC members, with special dedicated highway lanes
• Street lights synchronized to prioritize IOC traffic
• Separate airport entrance for IOC members
• Samsung phones for all IOC members
• All furniture must have "Olympic appearance."
• "IOC members will be received with a smile on arrival at hotel" 

     However, these were not all the demands listed by the International Olympic Committee. What were the other 10?

10) Retractable dome to be built over entire country so IOC officials don't get snow on them.
9) Harvesting Sonja Henie's DNA and cloning her so she can light the torch.
8) Serenaded by Tony Bennett during bowel movements.
7) Olympic corporate sponsors must be given first licensing rights to all athletes' future first-born children.
6) No bid corporate security contract to be given to Anders Breivik.
5) 65 kroner, or about $10 US, is to be paid by each of Norway's 5 million citizens every time a sponsor's product or their surnames are mentioned.
4) Oral sex performed nightly by Sweden's and Brazil's female athletes on beds with six-inch layer of Grand Prix rose petals.
3) Individual theme music to be played by Trans Siberian Orchestra during every IOC members' public appearance.
2) Norway must terraform country to exactly reproduce Nike swoosh.
1) Virginal flower girls scattering rose petals before them to be thrown into Icelandic volcano during Closing Ceremony.

Across the Twitterverse

     Since your master of ceremonies finally, finally got his galley proof of Tatterdemalion printed and shipped to my house, things will be full speed ahead from now until the end of the year for the final assault in this third and final revision phase. That means blogging (save for Election Night, natch) may be a little thin for the rest of the year. But rest assured, the paucity of posts will be worth it because yours truly will finally do another Assclowns of the Year retrospective. Yes, folks, 50 of 2014's biggest assclowns will be raked over the coals of lib'ral indignation in Assclowns #100, which will be packed with all-new material. In the meantime, however, please accept this substitute for actual blogging in the form of the dubious aphoristic wisdom of my Twitter feed.

Only racist, delusional #ammosexuals would hail a cop cowering from blacks as a hero while vilifying an innocent black kid. #gunsense #p21
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) October 10, 2014

If it's a fact that there are no poisonous snakes in Maine, then will someone please explain Paul LaPage?
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) October 10, 2014

"Hi, I'm Rush Limbaugh..." #BadSpeedDatingOpeners
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) October 9, 2014

"You'll realize that five state murder spree was overblown once you take the five minutes to get to know me." #BadSpeedDatingOpeners
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) October 9, 2014

"Can you please help me get this pubic hair out from between my teeth?" #BadSpeedDatingOpeners
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) October 9, 2014

"Sorry I smell like semen and Vaseline. You know how it is." #BadSpeedDatingOpeners
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) October 9, 2014

@SusanMaylone @pinkyprancy Frank Artiles looks like a WWE wrestler's manager. Paul Bearer had more charisma than Artiles.
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) October 8, 2014

Baby elephants are so adorable. It's a shame they grow up to be Republican mascots.
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) October 7, 2014

Why the hell did #liberals ever allow #RWNJs to co-opt the word for "neoliberalism"? There's nothing either new or liberal about it. #p2
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) October 7, 2014

Thanks to the SCOTUS's #RWNJs & their obsession with "states' rights", 5 more states can now proceed with gay marriage. #LGBT #teambisexual
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) October 7, 2014

Scott Lively is in desperate need of a prison shower intervention. #LGBT #teambisexual #teamgay #homophobia
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) October 6, 2014

@MikeLoBurgio @KansasGOP Sam Brownback is so tight-assed you couldn't pull a pin out of his ass with a tractor.
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) October 6, 2014

#GOP Outreach Program: "Why won't you lazy, tax-dodging nigger, spic faggot cunts vote for us?" #tcot #TGDN #UniteBlue #LibCrib #p2 #p21
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) October 4, 2014

Generalizations are always wrong.
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) October 4, 2014

If you #RWNJs & #tcot think @SarahPalinUSA's an intellectual leviathan, odds are you don't know how to properly spell or pronounce either.
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) October 4, 2014

Every time I see Tim Tebow's talking head on TV, I automatically conjure up images of A1 Steak Sauce.
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) October 4, 2014

At present, the only thing needed to elevate the national culture is a steel cage match featuring an Oz Munchkin and an Oompa Loompa.
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) October 2, 2014

Rush Limbaugh, with his increasingly insane comments to pump up ratings, is like a dinosaur thrashing to escape a tar pit. #RWNJs #tcot #p2
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) October 1, 2014

Just when I begin to feel a glimmer of hope for the US & Mankind in general I make the mistake of going to @RawStory & all hope's abandoned.
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) September 30, 2014

@thedahlimmama @zzelda01 About the only thing Bush was good for besides bloating the MIC was preening in front of soldiers who had a pulse.
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) September 26, 2014

WTF were the writers of THE DAILY SHOW thinking? They seriously jumped the shark on Zayn. #thedailyshowgonetoofar #OneDirection
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) September 26, 2014

I think the reason why the US alone is sliding back into the 19th century is because of the current epidemic of consensual stupidity. #p2
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) September 25, 2014

The Republican Party so slavishly rips off the fascist agenda that the Neo Nazis could sue for residuals. #tcot #RWNJs #p2 #p21 #LibCrib
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) September 25, 2014

Attorney General Eric Holder will announce his resignation today.He says he wants to spend more time with his testicles on Wall Street.
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) September 25, 2014

@AgainstTeaParty @ohiomail How do you get 310,000 #Teabaggers in one place? Lots and lots of free pork rinds, biscuits and gravy.
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) September 23, 2014

Listening to Rush Limbaugh or Fox "News" is exactly the same as dumpster diving in the marketplace of ideas. #RWNJs #LibCrib #UniteBlue #p21
— Robert Crawford (@jurassicpork59) September 21, 2014

Good Times at Pottersville, 10/9/14