Saturday, October 25, 2014

Ted Cruz, Columnist, is Now Officially a 5th Columnist

     For all those lib'ral naysayers who have been claiming the contrary, Sen. Ted Cruz is literate and proved it by writing an op-ed for USA Today last Sunday that has to be read to be believed. Essentially, it's Cruz's stunningly brilliant ten point plan to wrestle the federal government down by the horns so it can become Cruz's moaning, sobbing, pillow-eating bitch. If nothing else, it proves that #1 Far from Teddy the Cross succeeding in keeping the white-suited men with the butterfly nets away from his plainly senile father Rafael, he and Daddy ought to be sharing the same bedpan in the same East Texas rehab facility. #2, it also proves that Cruz is nakedly a fifth columnist.  
     It all starts out with Cruz's patent right wing delusions of the Republican Party taking over the entire Congress. "By all signs, Americans are preparing to send Washington a clear message in the 2014 elections. The question is, will Washington listen?"
     First off, I'm going to say that there is no way on God's green earth that the same Republican Party that shut down the government a year ago, created and passed 0 jobs bills, denied veterans any means to decently sustain themselves, denied us countless nominated judges and a Surgeon General for a year and essentially pissed off everyone but their oligarch employers on Wall Street is ever going to retain all their seat plus win the six additional ones needed for a Republican majority. Nate Silver can say all he wants that the GOP has a 62% chance of taking the upper chamber. It's not going to happen. Jerry Falwell's rotting corpse will claw itself out of its grave and be the Grand Marshall for Provincetown's next Gay Pride March down Commercial Street before that nightmare will happen.
     Secondly, since when did Cruz ever have a vested interest in Washington listening to what the American people say, especially when it runs counter to their Apocalyptic agenda? Cruz' entire political career on Capitol Hill has been an endless variegated way of saying, "Fuck the vox populi!" whether it be in trying to repeal ObamaCare, pissing off Christian Arab audiences or reading from a Dr. Seuss book.
     So here's Cruz's ten point plan, with the usual commentary from yours truly:
     First, embrace a big pro-jobs, growth agenda.
     Seriously, when did Cruz or any Republican ever give a shit about job creation except during times like this (an election year)? They cynically ran on a jobs platform in 2010 and 2012 and got their fat pasty asses handed back to them both times. As stated earlier, the GOP has not passed one jobs bill in all those years because the only jobs they're interested in is their own. True, as Rick the Dick reminds us at every turn, Texas leads all states in job creation since Perry took over but what they always fail to mention is that the Lone Star state more unambiguously leads the nation in minimum wage and temp jobs. And even Perry's office admits the biggest job growth is in the upper half of the pay scale.
     Second, pursue all means possible to repeal Obamacare.
     Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Dr. Albert Einstein.
     Third, secure the border and stop illegal amnesty.
     Remember, this fucking bozo actually graduated from law school and passed the bar exam (which in Texas I suspect was written by Orly Taitz and Michele Bachmann).
     Can someone tell me what the fuck "illegal amnesty" is? If the government  officially offers amnesty and it hasn't been found unconstitutional by the high court, then it's legal. And, once again, even though the president's been steadily hammering Congress to pass some amnesty legislation, they've been about as invested in doing so as they are in creating an actual jobs bill.
     Remember, also, this border paranoia comes from a Latino who was born in Canada after his Castro-loving daddy pulled some strings to illegally insert himself and his family into the US. Secure the border? Yeah, wrong border and too little too late.
     Fourth, hold government accountable and rein in judicial activism.
     Another selective right wing trope. Activism can be defined as a moderate from either party who votes or rules in favor of a bill or law running counter to the Republican Party's paranoid vision. I guess, in Cruz's Dr. Seuss mind, "activism" also includes Chief Justice John Roberts, who proved to be the surprising swing vote in upholding 99% of the ACA.
     And "holding government accountable" is exactly the reason why the GOP will not retake the Senate after all the shenanigans the 113th Congress has pulled these past two years.
     Fifth, Stop the Culture of Corruption
     Forget that this is a Pelosi buzz phrase. The irony meter just shot from left to right with an audible Clonk!
     A quick look at some of the usual suspects making up Cruz's war chest reads like a list of the SEC's Top Ten Most Wanted. Topping the list by far is the notorious Club For Growth, the far right wing cesspool founded by Steve Moore. You may have heard of the Wisconsin chapter of the CFG every time Scott Walker's legal woes are mentioned. Walker's been all but forbidden from receiving any payola from them during the pending litigation and the poor man has to rely on handouts from the Republican Governor's Association to keep alive any hope of keeping his seat.
     Anyway, that's just one of the scumbag running buddies of Tailgunner Ted, another being Goldman Sachs. Still think Cruz is interested in listening to the vox populi?
     Sixth, pass fundamental tax reform, making taxes flatter, simpler and fairer.
     Yet another tired, right wing mantra, a "flatter, simpler and fairer" tax on the 1% and corporations would be at an ideal flat 0% rate (and many corporations already pay negative taxes, some of them, Gasp! being Cruz's own employers campaign donors). Drag, bathtub, drown, yada yada.
     Seventh, Audit the Federal Reserve
     Seriously? This is like Old Home Week for right wing platitudes. Considering we're paying this clown $174,000 a year for working just over 100 days, I'd think that Cruz would have the time and motivation for inventing new right wing conspiracy theories.
     Eighth, pass a strong balanced budget amendment
     Ha ha ha ha! The GOP, even with a Senate majority, would have about as much of a chance of passing Congress and being signed by the President as Rafael Cruz regaining his sanity. If America had ever needed one, previous Congresses would have already passed it. Plus, under Obama, federal spending has slowed to 1.4%, the slowest rate in modern times. But you won't hear Teddy admitting that much.
     Ninth, repeal Common Core.
     Again, this would have zero chance of happening. First off, it's state-led, meaning Cruz and his few zealous followers in the Senate would have no say over it. So don't listen to Cruz and the right wing hind leg chewers at Red State. It is state-led, not a federal takeover of education, and it works a helluva sight better than the immediately defunded No Child Left Behind.
     Maestro, drum roll, please?
     Tenth, deal seriously with the twins threats of ISIL and a nuclear Iran
     Because a day without war in the Middle East is like a day without Koolaid.
     ISIL has killed about as many Americans on US soil as Ebola, which is to say Bupkiss. And while I've never been a fan of Obama's foreign policy, it can't be argued the president's response to ISIS and ISIL was swift and decisive while old farts like Brit Hume were harrumphing over the Commander in Chief's choice of words.
     And a nuclear Iran is no more a reality now than it was eight years ago when Republicans were slavering to go to war with them over their nonexistent WMDs.
     Basically, what Cruz is doing is measuring himself for a big red cape so he can appear to the Texas goobers who vote for him as the Superman who will take on Obama's Lex Luthor... for two more years. After the president leaves office on January 20th 2017, there's no telling what liberal beast will rear its ugly head but I trust that St. Ted will wave his corkscrew broadsword at it to little if any effect.


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