Monday, October 20, 2014

Riddle:




     Q: Why does Walmart sell so many pants?
     A: Because we keep pissing ours.
     Seriously, when the fuck did we become such a nation of wet-legged twats, ready to piss ourselves like an abused stray dog meeting a stranger? Did our grandparents act this way after Pearl Harbor? No, the men went to war, the women became WACS, nurses, made planes, tanks and ships. The middle aged and elderly formed civil defense organizations and held scrap iron, paper and rubber drives, our grandmothers rolled bandages for the Red Cross and they even sold War Bonds in their spare time.
     They didn't sell out their own neighbors and threaten to ruin their careers because (Gasp!) one of them went to Dallas or boot them off planes because a toddler said something that got people upset.
     No, we pulled together as a nation and repelled a very real threat to our democracy. Churchill and FDR didn't tell us, "Turn in your neighbor if they eat Japanese takeout" and Edward R. Murrow didn't tell us to hide in our basements and hope the Germans don't get us.
     Seriously, people, the terrorists (that is, if they were indeed the ones who pulled off 9/11) won 13 years ago because they did their jobs. We're properly terrorized, thanks to the manic disaster organ grinder monkeys at Fox "News" and other endorphin-spewing mainstream media outlets who know all too well that fucking fear sells faster than anal lube on a gay cruise ship.
     It's not puppies saved from being euthanized or little kids setting up lemonade stands for a worthy charity that gets us flipping those remotes, it's good old fashioned FEAR.
     "ISIL and ISIS is going to cross the Mexican border!"
     "Little brown kids are going to cross the Mexican border!"
     "Ebola! Oh, shit, we're all gonna die in puddles of our own diarrhea and vomit!"
     "OMFG, the President is a nigger!"
     Meanwhile, we make heroes out of self-styled vigilantes who murder unarmed children with impunity and tax cheats and rich welfare queens and their militias. You know, the real turds in the punchbowl.
     We shrug our shoulders at the "good guys with guns" at our shoulders waiting on line at a Kroger's or Target and shit our Sears Sans-a-Belt Actionwear slacks at the very thought of regional rump terrorist outfits 7000 miles away threatening our freedoms that have already been taken away by our own government.
     In all seriousness, when the hell did we become such a nation of yellow-legged cunts scared of our own shadows, mainlining fear like a heroin addict in Needle Park? I'll tell you when:
     September 11th, 2001. The day the bravery died and was replaced with empty bravado by the Three Card Monte dealers and shell game artists of the US government.

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