Monday, July 4, 2016

4th of July Drunk Blogging

     OK, I've been guilty of drunk blogging once or twice in my 11 year-long history of blogging but I have a philosophy about that that I borrowed from Denis Leary: "If I wanna smear my naked body with Lime Jello-O and smoke a cigar the size of Cincinnati I can and you wanna know why? The US. fucking. Constitution. O. Kay...?" (That's a paraphrase but a close one.)
     So, if I wanna get drunk in my own home without getting behind the wheel of my car on the fourth of fucking July, I can, O. Kay...? And especially for my troll who may or may not know me from a former life from which I've moved on whose comments I delete and mark as spam without even reading because, Goddamnit, that's my right.
     Hey, at least I'm attempting some modicum of proofreading so shut the fuck up.
     One of my biggest wakeup calls came when I was still an actual family man and had to go to Parent-Teacher conferences at the local high school back in the early 00's. As part of no doubt a social studies project, kids 15-17 years-old were fanning out across my kids' high school and asking parents about the five rights granted to us by the First Amendment.
     Not one parent could answer either factually or completely.
     And even though I am hammered on four shots of Bushmill's whiskey and my third beer, even I remember what those five inalienable rights are without cheating by going to my pocket Constitution or Google:

  • Press
  • Speech
  • Peaceful Assembly
  • Petition
  • Religion
  •      That, peeps, was a wake-up call, one that has not been lost on me throughout all these years since.
         And a late-evening talk/rant with Mrs. JP tonight made me remember what it's like to be a real American.
        And, no, it doesn't involve being the winner and 1st runner up in the joint Donald Trump Rally/Wayne Knight lookalike contest.

         Toward the close of his illustrious life, John Adams was invited to Constitution Hall in Philadelphia by the artist who, I assumed, submitted his portrait of the Continental Congress to Adams' baleful perusal. Now, if you're like my ignorant, stupid fuck of a stalker and troll who's bound and determined to find fault with EVERYfuckingTHING I write yet still subjects himself to masochistic acts of intellectual self abuse in the very act of coming here, every fucking day, you'll find fault with my not knowing the artist's name or paraphrasing rather than quoting President Adam's criticism with the abovementioned portrait according to the august and unimpeachable David McCullough.
         Kiss my ass, suck my rosy red Irish cock and drink my semen because that, my Bridge-dwelling friend, is also my right. But my larger point is coming and it is based on some historical erudition.
         Adam told his supplicant that, historically speaking, his portrait of the Continental Congress was a steaming pile of horse shit for several reasons. And one of them was:

  • Because of British spies working for the Crown, never at any time during the Continental Congress were all the delegates present. To be caught legislating on behalf of the Colonies was a charge tantamount to treason, therefore death. If you don't believe me, ask Paul Giamatti or Jaime Bell.

  •      Now, consider that the law for being CWL (Caught While Legislating) was death (somewhat more lenient than Walking While Black in latter-day America) in 1776, I figure the least we owe our Founding Fathers is some appreciation if not all-inclusive erudition of the documents Jefferson and Madison gave us at risk of their very lives in the form of, respectively, the Declaration of Independence and Constitution.
         And that brings us back to where I was in that hallway at a Massachusetts high school in the 90's.
         I keep a small version of the Constitution at hand at all times, ones given to me by one subversive liberal organization or another in case I need to reference it. And it occurred to me while I heard one parent after another crash and burn during this supposedly innocuous pop quiz that we really don't know the gift of rights given to us by the Founding Fathers.
         They are gifts that have since been bargained down to rights we have to buy back through protest permits and $200,000 gift packages so we can gain access to the media during one party convention or another. This is not what John Adams, George Washington and Thomas Jefferson had in mind when they wrote those august documents.
         Adams put it best when he told Jefferson, on reading the first draft of the Declaration, that it was not only a declaration of the rights of all Americans, but that of the rights of Man, that abstract with a capital M. Truer words were never spoken and one would have to be stranded in the heights of delusion to think the Founding Fathers would be indifferent to the fact we're insensible to the words for which they'd risked life and limb to write and ratify into law.
         Regardless of whomever you vote for this Election Day on November 8th, keep in mind not these words but those of the Founding Fathers who'd dodged dangers you and I could only dream of if even then and ask yourself before you push that button or pull that lever if you are doing them a disservice. They were not Godlike or infallible men but they did an admirable job with whatever gifts they possessed and tried to form a more perfect union against their lacking backdrop of precedent. Do you do them a service or not?


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