Saturday, September 24, 2016

This is Your Brain on Religion

     Like Michael Corleone, just when I try to go legitimate and just when I think I'm out, some assholes drag me back in.
     Now, before you reflexively begin leveling the usual accusations of my being obsessed with The Chadwicks (sounds like a reality TV show on the Sons of the Soil Channel, doesn't it?), I have to post a disclaimer here that this wound up in my inbox early this morning courtesy of a random reader who no doubt knows of my trials and tribulations with these lunatics. The email I post below was proferred to me, unsolicited, because she got it into her Jebus-crazed head that I was the secret author of some comment or email that my cameo correspondent had sent.
     I don't know the content or context of the communique except to say it must have been written in a spirit of jest. All I can say is that I have better things to do with my time like finishing an old novel that I'd started years ago and keeping the gas and lights on and the pot boiling. But this is what was forwarded to me by someone who appears to be a Mystery Science Theater 3000 fan:
Dear Robert,
Dave asked me to respond to this. We talked about it and decided that there's only two things that could possibly be happening here. The first, and most likely, is that this is a fake account that you are using to "go undercover" to "get dirt on Chadwick" like you did when Duncan Browning, (and for the record, what happened to him after we left was just awful so we have forgiven him for betraying us), gave you his phone number and you called us and did that ridiculous acting job when we were trying to enjoy our "After Church" time on a beautiful Sabbath afternoon. If this is the case, then it's every bit as pathetic as that, because nobody would ever send an email this flipping retarded except you.

The second case is that you have recruited some woman to send this for you, but you obviously wrote this, Robert. To the young (or old) lady, we don't hold this against you. We know you can't possibly be this stupid and we know you didn't write it. It has the stink of Robert Crawford all over it. But if you would be so kind to pass this message along to him, that would be great.
Robert, I want you to know that Dave is MINE! He belongs TO ME! You cannot have him! I know you want him, but as he has told you countless times before, no means no. Your attempts to flirt with him like this used to be cute, now it's just annoying. I own him and I'm not letting you have him. Besides, don't you have a wife or girlfriend or something? How about trying to bang her instead of trying to steal MY man!
God Bless You - Fiona Chadwick
     I should just stop right here and silently shake my head but there's just so much that is criminally wrong with this email that I don't know where to start.
     First off, I, again, don't know what started this and secondly, I haven't any idea who called them or when on their glorious Magic Underwear Sabbath Day. But she seems to take an almost admirably proprietary "ownership" in "Dave" and I guess we're supposed to just ignore the fact that she nearly broke her neck getting from Cruz campaign HQ in Idaho to be with her long-lost love at the exact same moment that news broke about the six figure publishing contract that "Dave" still hasn't gotten around to telling his alleged readership about while he's busy begging money from them on Patreon.
     Thirdly, the concept of "owning" a husband is kind of reminiscent of Fiona's and "Dave's" Mormon forebears back when they owned slaves. Ownership, in my mind, is something you claim.when you're afraid you won't be able to otherwise retain it. Which, with Becky Lynch never far from what passes for "Dave's" thoughts is always a distinct possibility.
     Fourthly, the idea that I've been flirting with someone I've hated for nigh unto these last two plus years with an unholy passion buries the outrage meter and starts a new one that charts laughter. If I've been pursuing him from all the way in central MA, then I have to say the obsession and attraction was, to say the least, mutual:

     These are random screengrabs of just two day's worth of activity I got from his IP Address when he was still living in Utah on April 1st and 15th, respectively (and neither day shows the full extent of his "interest" in this forum. April 1st alone saw 600-700 hits from his IP address). If he can produce a similar photoset of activity from my IP address, then I'll own up to an unnatural attraction to "Dave's" masculine charms. But he won't and can't.
     This is what religion, paranoia and a healthy dose of right wing nuttery will do to your brain, people. Like the rage zombies in Danny Boyle's 28 series, paranoia will make you swat at nonexistent flies or at the wrong people. But to be honest with y'all, I could sooner envision a threesome with Trump, Cruz and Jeb! Bush than my having even the slightest interest in "Dave" Chadwick's lawsuit-riddled "career" let alone his person.
     But, hey, Fiona, if you think you can make him a church-going Christian and help him get over his ongoing obsession with WWE wrestler Becky Lynch, more power to you, girl. Try dying your hair carrot red. Maybe that'll ease him him in his painful transition from Becky to you. Try learning some basic wrestling moves like a half Nelson, if he's so inclined in bed during your tenderer moments. An Irish brogue couldn't hurt, either. (Irish foreplay: "Brace yerself, Joe, me bucko!")
     And I will admit to a middling bit of interest in his career path from time to time, especially little gems such as this that I receive from a regular reader that restores my faith that, sometimes in life, the most evil of us get a fat stake driven right through their black, fucking little hearts.
     Fuck you and your Kolob Marvel comics God, Fiona Chadwick. If He really existed, people like you and "Dave" wouldn't exist.

Addendum: This is my stalker's version of humor and parody. Reading this, you won't be surprised why his books don't sell, why people on Reddit thought that his Microsoft Paint comics are as funny as AIDS on Fire Island and why he's gotten a whopping $69 after over a month of begging on Patreon for money. This also comes with a dedicated Twitter account (that has since been taken down courtesy of yours truly and his loyal Twitter followers), which required setting up a dedicated email address and harvesting old avatar .jpegs I'm no longer using in his pathetic attempt to be humorous. You'd think with a new book contract, a new wife and a whole new life (which includes a gig on Fandom), he'd be too busy for this puerile bullshit.

     But this is Jailbird Joseph David Chadwick we're talking about, a walking DSM V and the most obsessive, pathetic stalker in the history of the internet.


At September 25, 2016 at 12:24 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

"Calm your boner, bro. Like m'gurl says, you can't have me." - Jailbird Joe.

Which girl would that be? Fiona or Becky Lynch?

At September 25, 2016 at 7:06 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

"Dear Mike, Bill and Kevin:

My issue isn't with your website or products but this is a warning. There's a guy on the internet named Sugar Ray Dodge (real name Joseph David Chadwick) who is absolutely obsessed with MST3K and Rifftrax. He's a right wing lunatic who's been stalking me, a fact that he carefully keeps from his alleged readership. In fact, he did an interview recently with the MST3K Revival League podcast and he bragged about getting singled out for attention for a brief moment by Bill.

I just want you to know this creep has been stalking me for going on three years, sends his few fanboys to my blog to leave threatening messages (I've had to call the Weber County Sheriff's Dept in Ogden, Utah to get him to back off, to no avail).

Not only that, he's violating MST3K copyrights (I've already addressed this issue to Shout!Factory's legal team and they're currently investigating my claims) in his MST3K-themed cartoon books that he self-publishes (until one got pulled down from Amazon and two other sites for another copyright infringement). This also includes using the likenesses of you guys and violating the copyrighted name and, again, your likenesses in the Rifftrax franchise. If you have a legal department or a law firm on retainer, I'd strongly urge you to send a cease and desist letter if not sue him outright for violating the DMCA.

Again, this man is a dangerous stalker who has fixated on me and now seems to be back from Israel to continue stalking me from his old haunts in Weber Co., if the IP address I'm seeing is any indication. He's been stalking a WWE wrestler named Becky Lynch (he draws cartoons of her, also, and used to even festoon his monitor with pictures of her) and he literally follows you guys around if you're anywhere near his vicinity.

This guy is a creep, a stalker, who has acquired a reputation for harassing people of real talent and abilities just for the hell of it. He is a danger to anyone who comes into contact with him and one of his ex friends has recently suffered a grievous "accident" since he betrayed him last summer. He is obsessed with you guys and your franchise and should he ever initiate contact with you in any way, shape or form, I would ignore him as strenuously as possible.

This is just to let you know that I am a fan of both your franchises but, unlike Chadwick, I don't let my entire life revolve around riffing movies or you guys.

Robert Crawford"

At September 25, 2016 at 9:25 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Title: Sugar Ray Dodge

"His real name is Joe David Chadwick. You may or may not have heard of him. He's a MSTie fan, a Rifftrax fan and a self-styled "author" and "cartoonist."

He's also a right wing stalker and a troll who's violating yours and the copyrights of about 100 different entities. Here's the proof right here:

This right wing evolutionary dropout has been stalking me for going on 3 years even to the point of creating Twitter accounts and even blogs dedicated to taking me down. Apparently, he's almost as obsessed with you guys as he is with me. If you have a copyright claim to ICW, I'd step on this quickly and shut him down. It's one thing to mention a copyrighted name. It's another to mention that name, draw copyrighted likenesses and then try to make money off said copyrights.

You've been warned. The rest is up to you guys. He's already had one book pulled off the virtual shelves of three markets, including Amazon for copyright infringement of a movie franchise.


At September 26, 2016 at 12:55 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

On Mon, 9/26/16, RiffTrax wrote:

Re: Sugar Ray Dodge
Hi Robert,

Thanks for your email. We have worked with David in the past (mainly by including some of his cartoons as live show freebie downloads) and as such our relationship with him as been amicable. I'll pass your message along to the higher-ups and we'll take any appropriate action.


Erik Peterson Senior Engineer


"Dave's" "amicableness" is a twisted kind of hero worship. For those with whom he disagrees politically or otherwise, he resorts to bullying, stalking, harassment and sabotage. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. He's stalking me on my blog right now at this very minute as I write this. Do you want to see screengrabs I'd harvested of hundreds of daily hits from his IP address? How about the fake one star hit pieces he's written of my novels? The comments he's left on my blog where he claims to be "superior to (me) in every conceivable way"? How about the mug shot that was taken of him in Ogden, Utah in 2013?
Make no mistake about it, Erik, this man's a dangerous psychopath and he holds the law, the least of which being the copyright laws of the DMCA, in utter contempt. As right wingers generally feel about laws they don't wish to obey. In Chadwick's chase, that especially includes online anti-stalking and harassment laws.
Again, you have no idea what you're dealing with here, Erik. I do. I've been a victim of his, his twin brother's and his wife Fiona's stalking for years.
Do with this what you will.
Robert Crawford

At September 26, 2016 at 1:34 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

On Mon, 9/26/16, RiffTrax wrote:

Subject: Re: Sugar Ray Dodge
To: "crawman2"
Date: Monday, September 26, 2016, 12:54 PM

Sugar Ray Dodge

Hi Robert,

That is frightening indeed, and I do appreciate your warnings.

If there's more you want to share, feel free, otherwisewe will certainly exercise caution and distance ourselves from him if need be.
Erik Peterson Senior Engineer

Mr. Peterson:

It is extremely important that you recognize how legitimate are my claims and I appreciate your attention in this matter. I wouldn't be doing this unless it were true and I certainly wouldn't offer evidence to back up my claims that didn't exist.

Should you require that evidence, I can certainly provide it but only upon request.



Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

All Time Classics

  • Our Worse Half: The 25 Most Embarrassing States.
  • The Missing Security Tapes From the World Trade Center.
  • It's a Blunderful Life.
  • The Civil War II
  • Sweet Jesus, I Hate America
  • Top Ten Conservative Books
  • I Am Mr. Ed
  • Glenn Beck: Racist, Hate Monger, Comedian
  • The Ten Worst Music Videos of all Time
  • Assclowns of the Week

  • Links to the first 33 Assclowns of the Week.
  • Links to Assclowns of the Week 38-63.
  • #104: Make Racism Great Again Also Labor Day edition
  • #103: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Toilet edition
  • #102: Orange is the New Fat edition
  • #101: Electoral College Dropouts edition
  • #100: Centennial of Silliness edition
  • #99: Dr. Strangehate edition
  • #98: Get Bentghazi edition
  • #97: SNAPping Your Fingers at the Poor edition
  • #96: Treat or Treat, Kiss My Ass edition
  • #95: Monumental Stupidity double-sized edition
  • #94: House of 'Tards edition
  • #93: You Da Bomb! edition.
  • #92: Akin to a Fool edition.
  • #91: Aurora Moronealis edition.
  • #90: Keep Your Gubmint Hands Off My High Pre'mums and Deductibles! edition.
  • #89: Occupy the Catbird Seat/Thanksgiving edition.
  • #88: Heil Hitler edition.
  • #87: Let Sleeping Elephants Lie edition.
  • #86: the Maniacs edition.
  • #85: The Top 50 Assclowns of 2010 edition.
  • #(19)84: Midterm Madness edition.
  • #83: Spill, Baby, Spill! edition.
  • #82: Leave Corporations Alone, They’re People! edition.
  • #81: Hatin' on Haiti edition.
  • #80: Don't Get Your Panties in a Twist edition.
  • #79: Top 50 Assclowns of 2009 edition.
  • #78: Nattering Nabobs of Negativism edition.
  • #77: ...And Justice For Once edition.
  • #76: Reading Tea Leaves/Labor Day edition.
  • #75: Diamond Jubilee/Inaugural Edition
  • #74: Dropping the Crystal Ball Edition
  • #73: The Twelve Assclowns of Christmas Edition
  • #72: Trick or Treat Election Day Edition
  • #71: Grand Theft Autocrats Edition
  • #70: Soulless Corporations and the Politicians Who Love Them Edition
  • Paul Ryan's Top Ten Conditions on Running for the Speakership
  • Top 10 Reasons Why Mitt Romney Won't Run for President in 2016
  • Top 10 Results of the NYPD's Work Slowdown
  • Top 10 Secret Service Security Breaches
  • Top 10 LA Radio Shows That Are Rated Higher Than Rush Limbaugh's
  • Top 10 Reasons Operation American Spring Went Flat
  • Top Ten Facts of the MH370 Air Disaster
  • Top 10 Tips for GOP Congressmen Running Against Women
  • Top 10 Signs Walmart's Mistreating its Workers
  • Top 10 Diversions John McCain Found During Syria Hearing
  • Top 10 George Zimmerman Excuses for Speeding.
  • Top 10 Reasons Paula Deen Got Fired by the Food Network
  • Top Ten Ways Pope Francis is Deviating From Convention
  • Top 10 Reasons For the Pope's Resignation
  • Top 10 Emails Hacked From the Bush Family's Email Accounts
  • Top 10 Lies Told by Mitt Romney at the 2nd Debate.
  • Top 10 Examples of How Hard the Campaign Trail is on Ann D. Romney.
  • Top 10 Ways to Tell The Boston Red Sox Are Finished.
  • Top 10 Things Mitt May be Hiding in His Tax Returns.
  • Top 10 Events at the Romney Olympics.
  • Mitt Romney's Top 10 Wild & Crazy Moments.
  • Top Ten Reasons Why Dick Cheney Got a Heart Transplant.
  • Top 10 Facts About Tonight's New England/Denver Game.
  • My Top 10 Resolutions.
  • Top 10 Rejected Slogans of the Romney Campaign.
  • Top 10 Reasons Herman Cain Suspended His Campaign.
  • Top 10 Trending Topics on Twitter During #OWS Eviction.
  • Top 10 Herman Cain Pickup Lines.
  • Top 10 Changes Since Anthony Weiner Decided to Resign.
  • Top 10 Inaccuracies re bin Laden's Death.
  • Top 10 Ways to Prevent a TSA Patdown.
  • Top Ten Things Not to Say When You're Pulled Over.
  • Top 10 Reasons Why Donald Trump Bowed Out of the Presidential Race.
  • Top 10 Ways Evangelicals Will Prepare for the Rapture II.
  • Top 10 Revelations in Today's Parliament Inquiry into News Corp.
  • Top 10 Reasons Why There Was No Vote on the Debt Ceiling Last Night.
  • Top 10 Revelations in Dick Cheney's Upcoming Memoir.
  • Top Ten Ways Americans Will Observe the 10th Anniversary of 9/11.
  • Top Ten Advances in Women's Rights in Saudi Arabia.
  • Top Ten Inaccuracies in Bill O'Reilly's Book About Lincoln.
  • Top Ten Suggestions From the Cat Food Commission.
  • Top Ten Worst Moments in George W. Bush's Presidency.
  • Top Ten Facts in George W. Bush's Memoir.
  • Top Ten Reasons Terry Jones Postponed His Koran Burning
  • Top 10 Causes for Dick Cheney's Congestive Heart Failure
  • Top Ten Ways That Jan Brewer Will Celebrate Cinco de Mayo
  • Top Ten Demands in Sarah Palin's Contract
  • Top Ten Whoppers in Karl Rove's New Book
  • Top 10 Items Left Behind in Rush Limbaugh's Apartment
  • Top Ten Things Barack Obama said to Rush Limbaugh in the Hospital
  • Top Ten Bizarre Promos Offered by the New Jersey Nets
  • Top 10 Bush Executive Orders Labor Wants President Obama to Repeal
  • George W. Bush's Top Ten Lesser Achievements
  • Empire Of The Senseless.
  • Conservative Values for an Unsaved World.
  • Esquire's Charles Pierce.
  • Brilliant @ Breakfast.
  • The Burning Platform.
  • The Rant.
  • Mock, Paper, Scissors.
  • James Petras.
  • Towle Road.
  • Avedon's Sideshow (the new site).
  • At Largely, Larisa Alexandrovna's place.
  • The Daily Howler.
  • The DCist.
  • Greg Palast.
  • Jon Swift. RIP, Al.
  • God is For Suckers.
  • Hullabaloo, Digby's place.
  • The Rude Pundit.
  • Driftglass.
  • Newshounds.
  • William Grigg, a great find.
  • Brad Blog.
  • Down With Tyranny!, Howie Klein's blog.
  • Wayne's World. Party time! Excellent!
  • Busted Knuckles, aka Ornery Bastard.
  • Mills River Progressive.
  • Right Wing Watch.
  • Earthbond Misfit.
  • Anosognosia.
  • Echidne of the Snakes.
  • They Gave Us a Republic.
  • The Gawker.
  • Outtake Online, Emmy-winner Charlotte Robinson's site.
  • The artist formerly known as Politits. The politics are still liberal.
  • Skippy, the Bush Kangaroo
  • No More Mr. Nice Blog.
  • Head On Radio Network, Bob Kincaid.
  • Spocko's Brain.
  • Pandagon.
  • Slackivist.
  • WTF Is It Now?
  • No Blood For Hubris.
  • Lydia Cornell, a very smart and accomplished lady.
  • Roger Ailes (the good one.)
  • BlondeSense.
  • The Smirking Chimp.
  • Hammer of the Blogs.
  • Vast Left Wing Conspiracy.
  • Argville.
  • Existentialist Cowboy.
  • The Progressive.
  • The Nation.
  • Mother Jones.
  • Vanity Fair.
  • Citizens For Legitimate Government.
  • News Finder.
  • Indy Media Center.
  • Lexis News.
  • Military Religious Freedom.
  • McClatchy Newspapers.
  • The New Yorker.
  • Bloggingheads TV, political vlogging.
  • Find, the next-best thing to Nexis.
  • Altweeklies, for the news you won't get just anywhere.
  • The Smirking Chimp
  • Don Emmerich's Peace Blog
  • Wikileaks.
  • The Peoples' Voice.
  • CIA World Fact Book.
  • IP address locator.
  • Tom Tomorrow's hilarious strip.
  • Babelfish, an instant, online translator. I love to translate Ann Coulter's site into German.
  • Newsmeat: Find out who's donating to whom.
  • Wikipedia.
  • Uncyclopedia.
  • Icasualties
  • Free Press
  • YouTube
  • The Bone Bridge.
  • Powered by Blogger