The Red Scare?

(By Cyril Blubberpuss, Conservative-American)

     "Well," I said to my chauffeur right after I directed him to splash a puddle of ice cold rain water on someone who looked like a Bernie Bro, "starting with The Donald essentially turning Trump Tower into Blair House, things are really going to change in this old joint!"

    Let's take a look at the Federalist Papers by a forgotten President named Alexander Hamilton. In #68, he wrote (when he wasn't writing shitty musicals about himself), as pertains to the election of the President (emphasis mine)-

Nothing was more to be desired than that every practicable obstacle should be opposed to cabal, intrigue, and corruption. These most deadly adversaries of republican government might naturally have been expected to make their approaches from more than one querter, but chiefly from the desire in foreign powers to gain an improper ascendant in our councils.

     Ha! Not only does this fool adopt positions that would be made redundant, he even misspelled "quarter"! How did this buffoon ever get elected President himself? No wonder he was assassinated by Raymond Burr!

     Anyway, leave it to the Democrat Party to start their caterwauling in blaming Hillary Clinton's loss on hacking by the Russians, which of course happened, according to the CIA and our 16 other intelligence agencies. The incoming Trump administration is playing it modestly (or maybe my old buddy Trump wants all the glory of his upset victory to himself) and denying it ever happened.

     Either which way you go, while the Democrat Party insisted in staying in the primordial ooze they've been stuck in for decades by reinstalling Nancy Pelosi and electing my pal Chuck Schumer as new Senate minority leader, the Republican Party (mentioned by President Hamilton in #68) has proven to be the far more transformational one. It wasn't so very long ago when my own father, Ambrose, when he was briefly a member of Congress, sat on the HUAC Committee alongside Senator Joe McCarthy. Both of them chased Communists and suspected Commie pinkos like horny wallflowers chasing country boys on Sadie Hawkins Day.

     Well, that was then. This is now. Trump's making a pile of money by continuing to sell Russian real estate and business with him has been good for Putin. The same is true regarding the Russo-American business affairs of the suddenly disappeared Paul Manafort.

     But oh, so-called tolerant leftist anarchists and Bernie Bros have a problem with Trump canoodling with Putin. Well, fuck off and kiss my fat, pasty ass, people! This is the new detante and it's as good as it's going to get! It's either make Trump richer than he already is or all-out thermonuclear war with the Russkies!

     Yes, Donald Trump's all-consuming greed that makes Gordon Gecko look like a fucking Trappist monk by comparison is going to save the day. Peace at all costs, is what they used to say. And Donald Trump is going to raise that cost, believe you me.