Tuesday, April 25, 2017

The First 100 Days of Orange Haze

     So, in the first 100 days of Trump's misadministration, this is what we've heard:

     Who knew health care would be so complex?
     Who knew being president would be so hard?
     "It's a ban."
     "It's not a ban."
     "It's a military action."
     "It's not a military action."
     Frederick Douglass is still alive.
     Obama spied on him during the campaign (then kept the results to himself.),
     Tens of millions of fraudulent voters!
     If the election were held today, I'd still win the popular vote (He lost the popular vote by nearly 3,000,000 votes.).
     Countries like Germany owe money to NATO when in fact their military involvement comes out of their respective defense budgets.
     Said aircraft carrier USS Carl Vinson was on its way to North Korea when it was 3700 miles away and traveling in the opposite direction.
     His former National Security advisor was a double agent for Russia and Turkey.
     Key members of his campaign, transition team and administration met with a Russian agent many, many times then lied about it even to Congress.
     His executive orders are written by the former CEO of an online right wing rag and signed without being read.
     Four members of his administration were led out of the White House by the FBI for lying about their credentials.
     He bombed an already heavily-bombed nation for no reason but, hey, there was a gorgeous chocolate cake involved.
     Then he forgot which nation he bombed.
     Told the Japanese Prime Minister he was obsessed with his translator's breasts.
     Hung up on the Australian Prime Minister.
     So alienated Mexico that their President called off a meeting with him.       
     His Homeland Security Secretary John Kelly said he "hasn't a clue" what sanctuary cities are."
     He also said, "Nobody Has Any Idea What Is Going On."
     Rick Perry thought being Secretary of Energy meant being an ambassador to oil & gas companies.
     Betsy DeVos thinks we need guns in classrooms because... BEARS.
     Rex Tillerson thinks his plane would fly faster if there weren't reporters on board.
     Ben Carson thinks slaves were "immigrants."
     Press Secretary Sean Spicer thinks Hitler didn't use chemical weapons on his enemies.
     He also insisted in his first meeting with the press that Trump's inaugural crowd was the biggest one yet despite much photographic evidence to the contrary.
     Kellyanne Conway thinks there are legitimate alternatives to facts.
     She claimed Obama spied on her boss with microwave ovens.
     AG Jeff Sessions (R-Lucky Charms) thinks Hawaii is merely an island in the Pacific.
     He also thinks separation of church and state are unconstitutional even though it's in the Constitution.

     Yeah, knowing this rabid pack of right wing assclowns are calling the shots greatly enhances my sense of security. How about you?


At April 25, 2017 at 8:05 PM, Blogger D. said...

I think satire and irony have made a murder/suicide pact.

At April 25, 2017 at 9:24 PM, Anonymous CC said...

A recent Washington Post-ABC News poll found that Trump would still beat Clinton if the election were held today. He'd not only win the electoral vote, but the popular one, too.

The right wing media and their faithful consumers are all over this story. Anything else to them is just fake news.

At April 25, 2017 at 9:52 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Well, who's been in the public eye like a shit-smeared punji stick for the last 100 days and who disappeared into the shadows? That's kind of an unfair scenario for a poll and an ultimately fruitless one, at that. The election won't be held again today. It should be, with Trump against the guy who had the only fucking chance to beat him before Hillary and her aging estrogen thugs snatched the baton out of Bernie's hand and cut both tendons below the ankles before stumbling and doing a pratfall just short of the finish line. Oh, she got style point, sure, but Trump still crossed the finish line and that's all that matters.

Then it would be worth having the election again today or anytime well shy of 2020. But conducting such a poll is like asking people, "Who would you rather marry- This fat, undisciplined misogynist or this person who's been a rotting corpse for over 3 months?"

Which do you think most people would choose? They'd pick door #1 and thank Monte Hall for it even as they held their noses and hang car fresheners from every square inch of their ceilings like Kevin Spacey's character in Se7en.

At April 27, 2017 at 5:44 PM, Anonymous Anton said...

Jesus Christ on rubber crutches, JP. When you put it that way, in a list, I have to wonder: why haven't impeachment proceedings been initiated?!?!!


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