What Does Trump Wear on Saturday? Depends...

     With an almost admirable insensibility to irony, Donald Trump took the stage last night in Greenville, North Carolina to the strains of the theme song for Titanic. It was for the state's Republican convention, an annual gathering of Tar Heel State conservatives that was guaranteed to give Trump a full house (Well, "full" being a relative term as the pandemic was the obviously biggest contributing factor to the turnout. There were just 1200 in attendance).

     And, typical of a Trump speech these days, it was a snoozefest that no doubt brought to mind a man who steadies his nerves before a big address by guzzling a bottle of codeine cough syrup before taking the podium. He fixated, a year after the event, on his comically juvenile descent down the ramp at West Point.

     "I think that was a boobytrap.I'll never forget that ramp, that was like a sheet of ice. It was cold, rainy and that ramp was long and steep."

     "A sheet of ice"? On a warm, sunny June day? Hr blamed nonexistent ice, he blamed rain, he blamed his Italian loafers and he blamed unnamed co-conspirators who wanted to humiliate him with a "boobytrap" of a ramp that Lt. Gen. Darryl A. Williams, who was beside him, had no problem negotiating. It was a strange reversal of Trump's meteorological mnemonics that brought to mind the hurricane that didn't hit Alabama and Trump's recollection of the sunny, clear skies on his inauguration when in fact it had begun raining on him the minute he began his speech.

     Trump also had mortally embarrassed former Governor Pat McCrory by publicly endorsing his rival Ted Budd for the US Senate to fill Richard Burr's seat. In typical slapdash fashion, Budd didn't even know about Trump's hasty endorsement until 15 minutes before he got it. So, sometime in those 15 minutes, Budd went from being an also-ran to, "There's somebody in this room that I think is very special. This man is a great politician but more importantly, he loves the state of North Carolina."

     Of McCrory, Trump said, "You can't pick people that have already lost two races. You can't pick people that have already lost two races, that do not stand for our values," referencing McCrory's gubernatorial loss in 2008 and failed reelection bid in 2016... right to McCrory's face as he sat there. Keep in mind this is a guy that had lost three elections (2000, 2012 and 2020), with the one "win" being very much in question.

     During his relatively rare moments when he wasn't doing his best Foster Brooks impression, Trump, as expected, trotted out his Greatest Hits, "Election Night Blues", "Why Won't the Darkies Vote For Me?" and "Brad Raffensberger is an Asshole." Joe Biden, of course, sucks and all the world's dictators are laughing at him (presumably because the president isn't among their number). Keep in mind, also, this was being said by a guy who was laughed at for his difficulty in negotiating a ramp with a three degree incline on a sunny day.

     The entire speech was, as we who'd actually served in the military would say, a soup sandwich. It must have been pretty hot in the building, as it was in North Carolina on a June night during a heat wave. But when Trump sweats, the effect of his perspiration shining through his makeup makes one think of wet pork in the first hours after it starts to turn.

 

     He looked and sounded unhealthy and the laughs and applause he got from the tiny crowd was like something out of a dark political satire, at how the insane statesman is still beloved no matter what, kind of an Appalachian road show version of Peter O'Toole's batshit insane speech before the House of Lords at the end of, "The Ruling Class".

     Oh, and to drive this point home, I don't give a damn what Reuters said in their fact-checking, Trump was wearing his pants backwards, with the Depends adult diaper bulge in full evidence.