Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Top 10 Things I Learned From Martha Coakley

.oO I wonder if I can arrest her for criminal stupidity? Oo.

10) Even 31 point leads are never safe.

9) Despite helping us win a World Series that included the greatest epic fail in Yankees history, Curt Schilling is secretly a Yankees fan.

8) A cop who rapes a 23 month-old baby with a hot curling iron gets to walk on his own recognizance while a woman who merely taped two pieces of duct tape to a child's sleeve gets a week in prison and five years of probation.

7) Gerald Amirault is guilty. Gerald Amirault will always be guilty despite there being no physical evidence whatsoever to prove it.

6) It's usually a bad idea to shake hands outside in the cold during an election like your opponent.

5) Charisma and reaching out to the voters is for wimps and liberals.

4) As Bill Clinton and Barack Obama proved last weekend, presidential bailouts aren't always a smashing success.

3) Changing the name on the life preservers doesn't make Coakley's campaign any less the Titanic.

2) Massachusetts voters, when faced with the bleak prospect of succeeding Ted Kennedy with an incompetent, pinch-faced battle axe, will panic, run 180 degrees from Kennedy's legacy and vote for the smiling shark.

1) You can be a registered, Irish Democrat in a prominent office in Massachusetts and still lose a Senate seat that's belonged to the Democrats since the first Ice Age to an obscure Republican cog of the Wall Street machine in the blink of an eye.


At January 20, 2010 at 2:26 AM, Blogger truth said...

Don't blame me, I voted for Capuano is going to be pretty weak tea for the next three years. Pun intended.

At April 24, 2010 at 11:03 AM, Blogger No Blood for Hubris said...

You're mostly very right.

Respectfully, on Martha Coakley, you're very wrong.

Sure, it would have been fun to have a MA senator who's against the surge in Afghanistan. And who sued Goldman-Sachs in her first year as AG. Who supports a woman's right to choose. Who supports the public option.

But hey, Menino doesn't like her, Goldman-Sachs was forced had to settle the AG's suit, and worse, the uppity witch disagrees with Obama on the war and the public option.

Why would she even dare to think she could win?

At April 24, 2010 at 11:51 AM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Considering that Scott Brown voted with the Democrats on some things that are near and dear to the liberal heart, I'm not too broken up about the trade-off.

Coakley personally ruined mine and my friend's lives, as well as the lives of countless other people through her ineptitude as County DA. There's no way I could support her after that.

The woman plainly loathes the voters, which is closer to a Republican mindset than a Democratic one. Plus, just because she said she's be for certain things doesn;t mean that's how she'd vote once installed in the Senate.

Look at how many campaign promises Obama had broken, for God's sake. Your belief in Coakley's compliance is all based on theoreticals.


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