Top 10 Things I Learned From Martha Coakley
.oO I wonder if I can arrest her for criminal stupidity? Oo.
10) Even 31 point leads are never safe.
9) Despite helping us win a World Series that included the greatest epic fail in Yankees history, Curt Schilling is secretly a Yankees fan.
8) A cop who rapes a 23 month-old baby with a hot curling iron gets to walk on his own recognizance while a woman who merely taped two pieces of duct tape to a child's sleeve gets a week in prison and five years of probation.
7) Gerald Amirault is guilty. Gerald Amirault will always be guilty despite there being no physical evidence whatsoever to prove it.
6) It's usually a bad idea to shake hands outside in the cold during an election like your opponent.
5) Charisma and reaching out to the voters is for wimps and liberals.
4) As Bill Clinton and Barack Obama proved last weekend, presidential bailouts aren't always a smashing success.
3) Changing the name on the life preservers doesn't make Coakley's campaign any less the Titanic.
2) Massachusetts voters, when faced with the bleak prospect of succeeding Ted Kennedy with an incompetent, pinch-faced battle axe, will panic, run 180 degrees from Kennedy's legacy and vote for the smiling shark.
1) You can be a registered, Irish Democrat in a prominent office in Massachusetts and still lose a Senate seat that's belonged to the Democrats since the first Ice Age to an obscure Republican cog of the Wall Street machine in the blink of an eye.