Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Presidential Penis Prevails, Senate's Face Red Once Again

(Crossposted @ B@B.)


Whether trying to convey a tongue-in-cheek message, AP "journalist" Pamela Hess says it all in her headline: Senate bows to Bush, approves surveillance bill.

"Bows to Bush."

As a commoner would bow to a purple-draped, jewel encrusted head of a despotic monarchy.

As a man who knows that he will be killed and bows, scrapes and begs for a miraculous act of mercy from a smirking, capricious tyrant such as the petulant, temperamental sociopath pictured above.

As in bowing while bloodied and broken, neck bent as far downward as human physiology would allow and perhaps then some, all the while fooling oneself into thinking with some insanely stubborn and delusional resolve while looking at the ants and cigarette butts on the ground that, It's just a compromise, it's just a compromise, it's just Oh fuck, who am I fooling?! It's a capitulation!! Forgive me, dear voters, by voting for me in November and I promise to do better during my next term once a Democrat's in the Oval Office!

The Senate, predictably, followed the House and caved in to Bush faster than a Murray coal mine on the new FISA bill. Among the many "compromises": Retroactive immunity to the telecoms (hence to Bush and his shining legacy), thereby reducing over 40 lawsuits pending in a federal court to something about as valuable as Arbusto Energy stock.

Obama, making a show of resisting the bill, supported an amendment that would've stripped immunity from the bill then caved and supported the bill itself when the Republicans and some patriotic Democrats shot down the amendment faster than the Bolivian army did Butch and Sundance.

McCain didn't vote for the bill because he'd slipped the orderlies and was busy wandering through the Arizona desert ordering cacti and scorpions to invade Tehran.

Therefore, in a din of socket wrenches and screaming chimp mechanics earnestly at work, another sizable chunk of our democracy (meaning the Fourth Amendment) is dismantled. Once again, Russ Feingold stood on the right side of this issue, coming right out and saying that Bush "broke the law."

Which is true. Because if the telecoms were acting lawfully in eavesdropping on our overseas phone calls, then they wouldn't need retroactive immunity, now would they?

And, once again, the press drops the ball like a palsied but intrepid running back, insisting that Bush didn't start surveilling US calls until after the September 11, 2001 terrorist attcks. However, according to this well-sourced timeline, the NSA's habit of "inadvertantly" spying on US citizens (which it's legally forbidden to do) actually began back in the late 90's during Bill Clinton's semen-stained version of Camelot.

Furthermore, the sons and daughters of Winston Smith seem to conveniently forget that the NSA, at the behest of the incoming Bush administration, first approached the telecoms about spying on Americans as far back as February, 2001 (as proof of how rapidly our Fourth Estate springs into action and how much they benefit from the lightning-fast nanotechnology at their fingertips, this little detail wouldn't be made public for nearly five years, coming out in late 2005). Because, once again, it would've been fucking illegal for them to spy on us, which explains the need for proxies.

So, bottom line, the same Bush administration that Yeah-yeahed Richard Clarke when he'd tried to warn them about the terrorist threat from al Qaeda and other factions, nearly seven months before 9/11 immediately decided before Bush had even put pictures of his family and Pervez Musharraf behind his desk, to spy on American citizens. You know, since your Aunt Tessie in County Cork may be with the IRA.

Meanwhile, Bond, Kit Bond (R-Minitru), is hailing the measure as a boon to "terror-fighters."

Yes, Republicans are still actually channeling George W. Bush, a man who couldn't find oil in the middle of Texas or terrorists in the Middle East until they gave up trying to play hide-and-seek with him and found him, all the way down to his charming, Appalachian patois.

"Terror-fighters." Yes, he actually said that.

Grab ankles. Bite stick. Repeat as necessary and pray they use the KY next time.

3 Comments:

At July 9, 2008 at 8:58 PM, Blogger The Minstrel Boy said...

the retroactive part of this whole piece of shit is sand in the vaseline. it just makes it worse. it's a repudiation of madison, hamilton, washington, henry.

we've come from "give me liberty, or give me death."

to

"if the president asks you to do something, you should, you know, do it."

“Any institution which does not suppose the people good, and the magistrate corruptible, is evil”

robespierre

"Man has the right to deal with his oppressors by devouring their palpitating hearts"

jean-paul marat

 
At July 10, 2008 at 10:38 AM, Blogger Bukko_in_Australia said...

Wouldn't it be easier to say "I'm taking a few days off for the Fourth of July" than deleting your blog and then re-naming a new one? Is it pique, or are there reasons to eliminate the trail of the old blog?

 
At July 10, 2008 at 4:52 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Pique. Red-eyed, unthinking, enraged pique. I regret doing it but there's nothing I can do about it now. I'm finding out that cached pages have serious drawbacks. Not all my old posts can be called up and, from time to time, I've wanted to refer to one or two of them.

 

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

All Time Classics

  • Our Worse Half: The 25 Most Embarrassing States.
  • The Missing Security Tapes From the World Trade Center.
  • It's a Blunderful Life.
  • The Civil War II
  • Sweet Jesus, I Hate America
  • Top Ten Conservative Books
  • I Am Mr. Ed
  • Glenn Beck: Racist, Hate Monger, Comedian
  • The Ten Worst Music Videos of all Time
  • Assclowns of the Week

  • Links to the first 33 Assclowns of the Week.
  • Links to Assclowns of the Week 38-63.
  • #104: Make Racism Great Again Also Labor Day edition
  • #103: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Toilet edition
  • #102: Orange is the New Fat edition
  • #101: Electoral College Dropouts edition
  • #100: Centennial of Silliness edition
  • #99: Dr. Strangehate edition
  • #98: Get Bentghazi edition
  • #97: SNAPping Your Fingers at the Poor edition
  • #96: Treat or Treat, Kiss My Ass edition
  • #95: Monumental Stupidity double-sized edition
  • #94: House of 'Tards edition
  • #93: You Da Bomb! edition.
  • #92: Akin to a Fool edition.
  • #91: Aurora Moronealis edition.
  • #90: Keep Your Gubmint Hands Off My High Pre'mums and Deductibles! edition.
  • #89: Occupy the Catbird Seat/Thanksgiving edition.
  • #88: Heil Hitler edition.
  • #87: Let Sleeping Elephants Lie edition.
  • #86: the Maniacs edition.
  • #85: The Top 50 Assclowns of 2010 edition.
  • #(19)84: Midterm Madness edition.
  • #83: Spill, Baby, Spill! edition.
  • #82: Leave Corporations Alone, They’re People! edition.
  • #81: Hatin' on Haiti edition.
  • #80: Don't Get Your Panties in a Twist edition.
  • #79: Top 50 Assclowns of 2009 edition.
  • #78: Nattering Nabobs of Negativism edition.
  • #77: ...And Justice For Once edition.
  • #76: Reading Tea Leaves/Labor Day edition.
  • #75: Diamond Jubilee/Inaugural Edition
  • #74: Dropping the Crystal Ball Edition
  • #73: The Twelve Assclowns of Christmas Edition
  • #72: Trick or Treat Election Day Edition
  • #71: Grand Theft Autocrats Edition
  • #70: Soulless Corporations and the Politicians Who Love Them Edition
  • Top 10 Things Donald Trump Said to President Obama
  • Paul Ryan's Top Ten Conditions on Running for the Speakership
  • Top 10 Reasons Why Mitt Romney Won't Run for President in 2016
  • Top 10 Results of the NYPD's Work Slowdown
  • Top 10 Secret Service Security Breaches
  • Top 10 LA Radio Shows That Are Rated Higher Than Rush Limbaugh's
  • Top 10 Reasons Operation American Spring Went Flat
  • Top Ten Facts of the MH370 Air Disaster
  • Top 10 Tips for GOP Congressmen Running Against Women
  • Top 10 Signs Walmart's Mistreating its Workers
  • Top 10 Diversions John McCain Found During Syria Hearing
  • Top 10 George Zimmerman Excuses for Speeding.
  • Top 10 Reasons Paula Deen Got Fired by the Food Network
  • Top Ten Ways Pope Francis is Deviating From Convention
  • Top 10 Reasons For the Pope's Resignation
  • Top 10 Emails Hacked From the Bush Family's Email Accounts
  • Top 10 Lies Told by Mitt Romney at the 2nd Debate.
  • Top 10 Examples of How Hard the Campaign Trail is on Ann D. Romney.
  • Top 10 Ways to Tell The Boston Red Sox Are Finished.
  • Top 10 Things Mitt May be Hiding in His Tax Returns.
  • Top 10 Events at the Romney Olympics.
  • Mitt Romney's Top 10 Wild & Crazy Moments.
  • Top Ten Reasons Why Dick Cheney Got a Heart Transplant.
  • Top 10 Facts About Tonight's New England/Denver Game.
  • My Top 10 Resolutions.
  • Top 10 Rejected Slogans of the Romney Campaign.
  • Top 10 Reasons Herman Cain Suspended His Campaign.
  • Top 10 Trending Topics on Twitter During #OWS Eviction.
  • Top 10 Herman Cain Pickup Lines.
  • Top 10 Changes Since Anthony Weiner Decided to Resign.
  • Top 10 Inaccuracies re bin Laden's Death.
  • Top 10 Ways to Prevent a TSA Patdown.
  • Top Ten Things Not to Say When You're Pulled Over.
  • Top 10 Reasons Why Donald Trump Bowed Out of the Presidential Race.
  • Top 10 Ways Evangelicals Will Prepare for the Rapture II.
  • Top 10 Revelations in Today's Parliament Inquiry into News Corp.
  • Top 10 Reasons Why There Was No Vote on the Debt Ceiling Last Night.
  • Top 10 Revelations in Dick Cheney's Upcoming Memoir.
  • Top Ten Ways Americans Will Observe the 10th Anniversary of 9/11.
  • Top Ten Advances in Women's Rights in Saudi Arabia.
  • Top Ten Inaccuracies in Bill O'Reilly's Book About Lincoln.
  • Top Ten Suggestions From the Cat Food Commission.
  • Top Ten Worst Moments in George W. Bush's Presidency.
  • Top Ten Facts in George W. Bush's Memoir.
  • Top Ten Reasons Terry Jones Postponed His Koran Burning
  • Top 10 Causes for Dick Cheney's Congestive Heart Failure
  • Top Ten Ways That Jan Brewer Will Celebrate Cinco de Mayo
  • Top Ten Demands in Sarah Palin's Contract
  • Top Ten Whoppers in Karl Rove's New Book
  • Top 10 Items Left Behind in Rush Limbaugh's Apartment
  • Top Ten Things Barack Obama said to Rush Limbaugh in the Hospital
  • Top Ten Bizarre Promos Offered by the New Jersey Nets
  • Top 10 Bush Executive Orders Labor Wants President Obama to Repeal
  • George W. Bush's Top Ten Lesser Achievements
  • Empire Of The Senseless.
  • Christwire.org: Conservative Values for an Unsaved World.
  • Esquire's Charles Pierce.
  • Brilliant @ Breakfast.
  • The Burning Platform.
  • The Rant.
  • Mock, Paper, Scissors.
  • James Petras.
  • Towle Road.
  • Avedon's Sideshow (the new site).
  • At Largely, Larisa Alexandrovna's place.
  • The Daily Howler.
  • The DCist.
  • Greg Palast.
  • Jon Swift. RIP, Al.
  • God is For Suckers.
  • The Rude Pundit.
  • Driftglass.
  • Newshounds.
  • William Grigg, a great find.
  • Brad Blog.
  • Down With Tyranny!, Howie Klein's blog.
  • Wayne's World. Party time! Excellent!
  • Busted Knuckles, aka Ornery Bastard.
  • Mills River Progressive.
  • Right Wing Watch.
  • Earthbond Misfit.
  • Anosognosia.
  • Echidne of the Snakes.
  • They Gave Us a Republic.
  • The Gawker.
  • Outtake Online, Emmy-winner Charlotte Robinson's site.
  • Skippy, the Bush Kangaroo
  • No More Mr. Nice Blog.
  • Head On Radio Network, Bob Kincaid.
  • Spocko's Brain.
  • Pandagon.
  • Slackivist.
  • WTF Is It Now?
  • No Blood For Hubris.
  • Lydia Cornell, a very smart and accomplished lady.
  • Roger Ailes (the good one.)
  • BlondeSense.
  • The Smirking Chimp.
  • Hammer of the Blogs.
  • Vast Left Wing Conspiracy.
  • Argville.
  • Existentialist Cowboy.
  • The Progressive.
  • The Nation.
  • Mother Jones.
  • Vanity Fair.
  • Salon.com.
  • Citizens For Legitimate Government.
  • News Finder.
  • Indy Media Center.
  • Lexis News.
  • Military Religious Freedom.
  • McClatchy Newspapers.
  • The New Yorker.
  • Bloggingheads TV, political vlogging.
  • Find Articles.com, the next-best thing to Nexis.
  • Altweeklies, for the news you won't get just anywhere.
  • The Smirking Chimp
  • Don Emmerich's Peace Blog
  • Wikileaks.
  • The Peoples' Voice.
  • Dictionary.com.
  • CIA World Fact Book.
  • IP address locator.
  • Tom Tomorrow's hilarious strip.
  • Babelfish, an instant, online translator. I love to translate Ann Coulter's site into German.
  • Newsmeat: Find out who's donating to whom.
  • Wikipedia.
  • Uncyclopedia.
  • anysoldier.com
  • Icasualties
  • Free Press
  • YouTube
  • The Bone Bridge.
  • Powered by Blogger