Johnny Depp They're Not
...certainly not even Orlando Bloom.
At no point in any accounting of the dramatic rescue of Captain Richard Phillips, the American skipper held captive by three Somali pirates, was the acronym SEAL ever used. The only word anyone will ever use is the word "snipers."
Fair enough. These men are operating under as much secrecy as possible and the less you mention the SEALs, the better. They don't exactly seek out publicity (ironically, when I got to Coronado Island, I sported the crossed quills of the JO or Journalist, a newly-acquired rating I'd earned at Great Lakes. I was the butt of jokes at Coronado because we all knew I'd never use my skills. I was sorry I struck for that rating.).
But when you mention the words "snipers" and "Navy" in the same breath, you know who they're talking about.
What I can't square is why they were using AK47s to take out those three pirates. Since when is a Soviet-era assault rifle standard issue among the SEALs or in any branch of the DoD? At medium range, they'll do in a pinch, sure (plus the AK47 such as the Kalishnikov fired the same 7.62 mm slug as my old M14, even though the M14 made for a far superior sniper rifle than it did in full-auto assault mode but that's a story for another day).
But if you want to get serious and make sure you do the job right the first time and if you have the luxury of time to plan a sniping mission, you'd use something state of the art like the Barrett 50 cal, a miniature cannon with a three mile range and a fucking dildo of a bullet that exits the muzzle at speeds in excess of 4000 feet per second. With firepower like that, you could drill for water on the fucking moon from down here.
Whew. Someone get me a box o' Kleenex. I love talking about guns even more than politics or baseball.
Anyway, if this doesn't establish President Barack motherfucking Obama as the coolest Commander in Chief ever, nothing will. It'll be hard to see how even the wingnuts could possibly criticize the president's decision to use "terminal force if necessary" to take out the pirates holding Captain Phillips hostage.
They're whining about, "But, but we never killed anyone before! We're the good pirates!" Go fuck your parrots and your peg legs, losers. You don't fuck with American captains by holding them hostage, you don't fuck with the Navy fucking SEALs and you don't fuck with the coolest and most dangerous man alive, President Barack motherfucking Obama.
Am I cursing too much? Fuck yes. But you all wanna know why this story has me so pumped up?
Because, speaking as someone who's been on more unheroic missions than I'd like to remember, it's really nice to see the Navy SEALs being used to kill some actual bad guys for a change.
And that's all I'm gonna say on that score for now.
So beware. There's a new sheriff in town. And he don't take no shit from terr'ists, pirates and corporate thugs like the last All Hat, No Cattle boob before him.