Saturday, April 4, 2009

Tripping Over His Own Dick


Poor Levi Johnston. Who knew that engaging in a little family-values, pre-martial sex with the Governor's daughter would result in so many headaches?

Apparently, there's trouble in Palin paradise. Levi Johnston is having trouble seeing his three month-old son Tripp. He's arguing with the mother and the family is making nasty public statements about the father's family in response to his carping about his situation on the Tyra Banks show.

I honestly don't know why these Wasilla hillbillies are still newsworthy, why people are even putting Sarah Palin herself on national TV much less this walking brain stem who'd impregnated her daughter despite publicly declaring that he didn't want kids. Levi's whining,
Most of the times, I don't know what's wrong with her. She's in a pretty bad mood, she's short, she doesn't want me around, I don't think. She says that I can come see the baby and that kind of thing, but won't let me take him anywhere.

Gee, that sounds familiar so how come my identical situation isn't making national headlines? Because it's a private matter, and hardly an original one, at that and, most importantly, because no one gives a moose turd!

What's truly pathetic is, even though these two obviously cannot stand to be under the same roof at the same time, the spin on this HMS Titanic of a relationship is so insistent that this is what we're hearing from Alaska's answer to Kevin Federline:
Johnston told The Associated Press on March 11 that the couple had broken off their engagement. He has said they needed time to grow up before following through on marriage plans.

An ironic aside: The Palin family spokesperson, Meghan Stapelton, had this to say about the Johnstons:
We're disappointed that Levi and his family, in a quest for fame, attention and fortune, are engaging in flat-out lies, gross exaggeration, and even distortion of their relationship.

Oh, the irony. You could just cut it with a Bowie knife.

13 Comments:

At April 4, 2009 at 11:49 AM, Anonymous Kootenay said...

I know it's uncharitable of me to find this whole thing amusing, but I can't help myself. It's such a perfect illustration of the idiocy of advocating abstinence as a realistic birth-control method for teens. I do feel a lot of sympathy for Levi, who (like your average teenage boy) had virtually no cognizance of the deep shit-hole his dick could lead him into. Betcha he's faithful about using a condom now!

 
At April 4, 2009 at 2:48 PM, Blogger merlallen said...

Palin's SIL was just arrested for burglary.

 
At April 5, 2009 at 10:00 AM, Blogger Firestarter5 said...

Kootenay....Levi should have kept his dick in "the deep shit-hole." I bet Bristol was into the dirty sanchez anyway.

 
At April 5, 2009 at 11:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I bet Bristol was into the dirty sanchez anyway.



Porn or Hitler mustache?

 
At April 5, 2009 at 11:37 PM, Blogger rangeragainstwar said...

Condomnation: The Palin denial of a personal protective posture in regards to prophylactics.

 
At April 5, 2009 at 11:58 PM, Anonymous Kootenay said...

Ahhh.... Ranger, you made me shoot beer through my nose!

 
At April 6, 2009 at 7:33 AM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Palin's SIL was just arrested for burglary.

Oh, the things I'm missing out on!

 
At April 6, 2009 at 11:51 AM, Blogger The Minstrel Boy said...

the palin family saga makes me wish for the relative grace and style of billy carter.

he was good for a laugh at least.

 
At April 6, 2009 at 6:54 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Stevie: It's virtually impossible to laugh at such a mutoon- and mullet-headed miscreant. Yet, against all odds and contrary to the rules of civilized warfare, I somehow manage to.

Ranger: Thou art worthy of Old Bitter Bierce. That's a great definition. Yours?

 
At April 6, 2009 at 9:03 PM, Blogger Bukko_in_Australia said...

JP -- what's a muttoon? Is that a misspelling, or a new coiffure term of which I'm unaware?

I could look for it on Urban Dictionary, but I'm too lazy. OTOH, that would probably involve fewer keystrokes than I've used to type this. Especially now that I've just typed that. And that...

 
At April 7, 2009 at 3:48 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

MB,

The "relative grace and style of billy carter." Thou art funny. Me dad still has a 6-pk of Billy Beer.

JP,

Yes, Ranger was inspired by the WaPo neologism contest, and that was his own construction. He can be witty, at times.

 
At April 8, 2009 at 8:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gee, that sounds familiar so how come my identical situation isn't making national headlines? Because it's a private matter...

So why the hell are you flogging it all over the blogs, and calling your ex-partner "douchebag". If I know about it, the whole world knows it. I never gave a shit about your love life, but you came over to Hullabaloo, and stuck it in our faces!
See any irony?
Oh BTW, when does the "douchebag" get to tell her side of the story?

 
At April 8, 2009 at 10:41 PM, Blogger No Blood for Hubris said...

what, bio dads have no legal rights in Alaska? sure they do.

 

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

All Time Classics

  • Our Worse Half: The 25 Most Embarrassing States.
  • The Missing Security Tapes From the World Trade Center.
  • It's a Blunderful Life.
  • The Civil War II
  • Sweet Jesus, I Hate America
  • Top Ten Conservative Books
  • I Am Mr. Ed
  • Glenn Beck: Racist, Hate Monger, Comedian
  • The Ten Worst Music Videos of all Time
  • Assclowns of the Week

  • Links to the first 33 Assclowns of the Week.
  • Links to Assclowns of the Week 38-63.
  • #99: Dr. Strangehate edition
  • #98: Get Bentghazi edition
  • #97: SNAPping Your Fingers at the Poor edition
  • #96: Treat or Treat, Kiss My Ass edition
  • #95: Monumental Stupidity double-sized edition
  • #94: House of 'Tards edition
  • #93: You Da Bomb! edition.
  • #92: Akin to a Fool edition.
  • #91: Aurora Moronealis edition.
  • #90: Keep Your Gubmint Hands Off My High Pre'mums and Deductibles! edition.
  • #89: Occupy the Catbird Seat/Thanksgiving edition.
  • #88: Heil Hitler edition.
  • #87: Let Sleeping Elephants Lie edition.
  • #86: the Maniacs edition.
  • #85: The Top 50 Assclowns of 2010 edition.
  • #(19)84: Midterm Madness edition.
  • #83: Spill, Baby, Spill! edition.
  • #82: Leave Corporations Alone, They’re People! edition.
  • #81: Hatin' on Haiti edition.
  • #80: Don't Get Your Panties in a Twist edition.
  • #79: Top 50 Assclowns of 2009 edition.
  • #78: Nattering Nabobs of Negativism edition.
  • #77: ...And Justice For Once edition.
  • #76: Reading Tea Leaves/Labor Day edition.
  • #75: Diamond Jubilee/Inaugural Edition
  • #74: Dropping the Crystal Ball Edition
  • #73: The Twelve Assclowns of Christmas Edition
  • #72: Trick or Treat Election Day Edition
  • #71: Grand Theft Autocrats Edition
  • #70: Soulless Corporations and the Politicians Who Love Them Edition
  • Top 10 LA Radio Shows That Are Rated Higher Than Rush Limbaugh's
  • Top 10 Reasons Operation American Spring Went Flat
  • Top Ten Facts of the MH370 Air Disaster
  • Top 10 Tips for GOP Congressmen Running Against Women
  • Top 10 Signs Walmart's Mistreating its Workers
  • Top 10 Diversions John McCain Found During Syria Hearing
  • Top 10 George Zimmerman Excuses for Speeding.
  • Top 10 Reasons Paula Deen Got Fired by the Food Network
  • Top Ten Ways Pope Francis is Deviating From Convention
  • Top 10 Reasons For the Pope's Resignation
  • Top 10 Emails Hacked From the Bush Family's Email Accounts
  • Top 10 Lies Told by Mitt Romney at the 2nd Debate.
  • Top 10 Examples of How Hard the Campaign Trail is on Ann D. Romney.
  • Top 10 Ways to Tell The Boston Red Sox Are Finished.
  • Top 10 Things Mitt May be Hiding in His Tax Returns.
  • Top 10 Events at the Romney Olympics.
  • Mitt Romney's Top 10 Wild & Crazy Moments.
  • Top Ten Reasons Why Dick Cheney Got a Heart Transplant.
  • Top 10 Facts About Tonight's New England/Denver Game.
  • My Top 10 Resolutions.
  • Top 10 Rejected Slogans of the Romney Campaign.
  • Top 10 Reasons Herman Cain Suspended His Campaign.
  • Top 10 Trending Topics on Twitter During #OWS Eviction.
  • Top 10 Herman Cain Pickup Lines.
  • Top 10 Changes Since Anthony Weiner Decided to Resign.
  • Top 10 Inaccuracies re bin Laden's Death.
  • Top 10 Ways to Prevent a TSA Patdown.
  • Top Ten Things Not to Say When You're Pulled Over.
  • Top 10 Reasons Why Donald Trump Bowed Out of the Presidential Race.
  • Top 10 Ways Evangelicals Will Prepare for the Rapture II.
  • Top 10 Revelations in Today's Parliament Inquiry into News Corp.
  • Top 10 Reasons Why There Was No Vote on the Debt Ceiling Last Night.
  • Top 10 Revelations in Dick Cheney's Upcoming Memoir.
  • Top Ten Ways Americans Will Observe the 10th Anniversary of 9/11.
  • Top Ten Advances in Women's Rights in Saudi Arabia.
  • Top Ten Inaccuracies in Bill O'Reilly's Book About Lincoln.
  • Top Ten Suggestions From the Cat Food Commission.
  • Top Ten Worst Moments in George W. Bush's Presidency.
  • Top Ten Facts in George W. Bush's Memoir.
  • Top Ten Reasons Terry Jones Postponed His Koran Burning
  • Top 10 Causes for Dick Cheney's Congestive Heart Failure
  • Top Ten Ways That Jan Brewer Will Celebrate Cinco de Mayo
  • Top Ten Demands in Sarah Palin's Contract
  • Top Ten Whoppers in Karl Rove's New Book
  • Top 10 Items Left Behind in Rush Limbaugh's Apartment
  • Top Ten Things Barack Obama said to Rush Limbaugh in the Hospital
  • Top Ten Bizarre Promos Offered by the New Jersey Nets
  • Top 10 Bush Executive Orders Labor Wants President Obama to Repeal
  • George W. Bush's Top Ten Lesser Achievements
  • Boolean Bozoism

  • #19
  • #18
  • #17
  • #16
  • #15
  • #14
  • #13
  • #11
  • #10
  • Empire Of The Senseless.
  • Christwire.org: Conservative Values for an Unsaved World.
  • Esquire's Charles Pierce.
  • Brilliant @ Breakfast.
  • The Burning Platform.
  • The Rant.
  • Mock, Paper, Scissors.
  • James Petras.
  • Towle Road.
  • Avedon's Sideshow (the new site).
  • At Largely, Larisa Alexandrovna's place.
  • The Daily Howler.
  • The DCist.
  • Greg Palast.
  • Jon Swift. RIP, Al.
  • God is For Suckers.
  • Hullabaloo, Digby's place.
  • The Rude Pundit.
  • Driftglass.
  • Newshounds.
  • William Grigg, a great find.
  • Brad Blog.
  • Down With Tyranny!, Howie Klein's blog.
  • Wayne's World. Party time! Excellent!
  • Busted Knuckles, aka Ornery Bastard.
  • Mills River Progressive.
  • Right Wing Watch.
  • Earthbond Misfit.
  • Anosognosia.
  • Echidne of the Snakes.
  • They Gave Us a Republic.
  • The Gawker.
  • Outtake Online, Emmy-winner Charlotte Robinson's site.
  • The artist formerly known as Politits. The politics are still liberal.
  • Skippy, the Bush Kangaroo
  • No More Mr. Nice Blog.
  • Head On Radio Network, Bob Kincaid.
  • Spocko's Brain.
  • Pandagon.
  • Slackivist.
  • WTF Is It Now?
  • No Blood For Hubris.
  • Lydia Cornell, a very smart and accomplished lady.
  • Roger Ailes (the good one.)
  • BlondeSense.
  • The Smirking Chimp.
  • Hammer of the Blogs.
  • Vast Left Wing Conspiracy.
  • Argville.
  • Existentialist Cowboy.
  • The Progressive.
  • The Nation.
  • Mother Jones.
  • Vanity Fair.
  • Salon.com.
  • Raw Story.
  • Citizens For Legitimate Government.
  • News Finder.
  • Indy Media Center.
  • Lexis News.
  • Military Religious Freedom.
  • McClatchy Newspapers.
  • The New Yorker.
  • Bloggingheads TV, political vlogging.
  • Find Articles.com, the next-best thing to Nexis.
  • Altweeklies, for the news you won't get just anywhere.
  • The Smirking Chimp
  • Don Emmerich's Peace Blog
  • Wikileaks.
  • The Peoples' Voice.
  • Dictionary.com.
  • CIA World Fact Book.
  • IP address locator.
  • Tom Tomorrow's hilarious strip.
  • Babelfish, an instant, online translator. I love to translate Ann Coulter's site into German.
  • Newsmeat: Find out who's donating to whom.
  • Wikipedia.
  • Uncyclopedia.
  • anysoldier.com
  • Icasualties
  • Free Press
  • YouTube
  • The Bone Bridge.
  • Powered by Blogger

    http://DeeperLeft.com