Saturday, April 4, 2009

Tripping Over His Own Dick

Poor Levi Johnston. Who knew that engaging in a little family-values, pre-martial sex with the Governor's daughter would result in so many headaches?

Apparently, there's trouble in Palin paradise. Levi Johnston is having trouble seeing his three month-old son Tripp. He's arguing with the mother and the family is making nasty public statements about the father's family in response to his carping about his situation on the Tyra Banks show.

I honestly don't know why these Wasilla hillbillies are still newsworthy, why people are even putting Sarah Palin herself on national TV much less this walking brain stem who'd impregnated her daughter despite publicly declaring that he didn't want kids. Levi's whining,
Most of the times, I don't know what's wrong with her. She's in a pretty bad mood, she's short, she doesn't want me around, I don't think. She says that I can come see the baby and that kind of thing, but won't let me take him anywhere.

Gee, that sounds familiar so how come my identical situation isn't making national headlines? Because it's a private matter, and hardly an original one, at that and, most importantly, because no one gives a moose turd!

What's truly pathetic is, even though these two obviously cannot stand to be under the same roof at the same time, the spin on this HMS Titanic of a relationship is so insistent that this is what we're hearing from Alaska's answer to Kevin Federline:
Johnston told The Associated Press on March 11 that the couple had broken off their engagement. He has said they needed time to grow up before following through on marriage plans.

An ironic aside: The Palin family spokesperson, Meghan Stapelton, had this to say about the Johnstons:
We're disappointed that Levi and his family, in a quest for fame, attention and fortune, are engaging in flat-out lies, gross exaggeration, and even distortion of their relationship.

Oh, the irony. You could just cut it with a Bowie knife.


At April 4, 2009 at 11:49 AM, Anonymous Kootenay said...

I know it's uncharitable of me to find this whole thing amusing, but I can't help myself. It's such a perfect illustration of the idiocy of advocating abstinence as a realistic birth-control method for teens. I do feel a lot of sympathy for Levi, who (like your average teenage boy) had virtually no cognizance of the deep shit-hole his dick could lead him into. Betcha he's faithful about using a condom now!

At April 4, 2009 at 2:48 PM, Blogger merlallen said...

Palin's SIL was just arrested for burglary.

At April 5, 2009 at 10:00 AM, Blogger Firestarter5 said...

Kootenay....Levi should have kept his dick in "the deep shit-hole." I bet Bristol was into the dirty sanchez anyway.

At April 5, 2009 at 11:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I bet Bristol was into the dirty sanchez anyway.

Porn or Hitler mustache?

At April 5, 2009 at 11:37 PM, Blogger rangeragainstwar said...

Condomnation: The Palin denial of a personal protective posture in regards to prophylactics.

At April 5, 2009 at 11:58 PM, Anonymous Kootenay said...

Ahhh.... Ranger, you made me shoot beer through my nose!

At April 6, 2009 at 7:33 AM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Palin's SIL was just arrested for burglary.

Oh, the things I'm missing out on!

At April 6, 2009 at 11:51 AM, Blogger The Minstrel Boy said...

the palin family saga makes me wish for the relative grace and style of billy carter.

he was good for a laugh at least.

At April 6, 2009 at 6:54 PM, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Stevie: It's virtually impossible to laugh at such a mutoon- and mullet-headed miscreant. Yet, against all odds and contrary to the rules of civilized warfare, I somehow manage to.

Ranger: Thou art worthy of Old Bitter Bierce. That's a great definition. Yours?

At April 6, 2009 at 9:03 PM, Blogger Bukko_in_Australia said...

JP -- what's a muttoon? Is that a misspelling, or a new coiffure term of which I'm unaware?

I could look for it on Urban Dictionary, but I'm too lazy. OTOH, that would probably involve fewer keystrokes than I've used to type this. Especially now that I've just typed that. And that...

At April 7, 2009 at 3:48 PM, Blogger Lisa said...


The "relative grace and style of billy carter." Thou art funny. Me dad still has a 6-pk of Billy Beer.


Yes, Ranger was inspired by the WaPo neologism contest, and that was his own construction. He can be witty, at times.

At April 8, 2009 at 8:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gee, that sounds familiar so how come my identical situation isn't making national headlines? Because it's a private matter...

So why the hell are you flogging it all over the blogs, and calling your ex-partner "douchebag". If I know about it, the whole world knows it. I never gave a shit about your love life, but you came over to Hullabaloo, and stuck it in our faces!
See any irony?
Oh BTW, when does the "douchebag" get to tell her side of the story?

At April 8, 2009 at 10:41 PM, Blogger No Blood for Hubris said...

what, bio dads have no legal rights in Alaska? sure they do.


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