Tripping Over His Own Dick

Poor Levi Johnston. Who knew that engaging in a little family-values, pre-martial sex with the Governor's daughter would result in so many headaches?

Apparently, there's trouble in Palin paradise. Levi Johnston is having trouble seeing his three month-old son Tripp. He's arguing with the mother and the family is making nasty public statements about the father's family in response to his carping about his situation on the Tyra Banks show.

I honestly don't know why these Wasilla hillbillies are still newsworthy, why people are even putting Sarah Palin herself on national TV much less this walking brain stem who'd impregnated her daughter despite publicly declaring that he didn't want kids. Levi's whining,

Most of the times, I don't know what's wrong with her. She's in a pretty bad mood, she's short, she doesn't want me around, I don't think. She says that I can come see the baby and that kind of thing, but won't let me take him anywhere.

Gee, that sounds familiar so how come my identical situation isn't making national headlines? Because it's a private matter, and hardly an original one, at that and, most importantly, because no one gives a moose turd!

What's truly pathetic is, even though these two obviously cannot stand to be under the same roof at the same time, the spin on this HMS Titanic of a relationship is so insistent that this is what we're hearing from Alaska's answer to Kevin Federline:

Johnston told The Associated Press on March 11 that the couple had broken off their engagement. He has said they needed time to grow up before following through on marriage plans.

An ironic aside: The Palin family spokesperson, Meghan Stapelton, had this to say about the Johnstons:

We're disappointed that Levi and his family, in a quest for fame, attention and fortune, are engaging in flat-out lies, gross exaggeration, and even distortion of their relationship.

Oh, the irony. You could just cut it with a Bowie knife.