Thursday, August 6, 2009

Boolean Bozoism XI June-August 2009: Summer of Stupid Edition

Heigh ho, Pottersvillians, and welcome to the 11th edition of Boolean Bozoism, the series that asks, What the fuck are you thinking, America? This latest installment is called the Summer of Stupid edition because despite the events that have roiled and engaged the nation and the world over the past 2+ months, namely the Iranian riots, the health care debate, the death of Walter Cronkite, the 40th anniversary of Stonewall and the manned lunar landing…

…despite all these important events, topics and anniversaries, Pottersville’s most curious demographic still found time to ask Yahoo and Google for results that, well, sometimes beggar context, shall we say, and all between June and today. Let’s begin with the randier demographic, which the mysterious process of Boolean algorithms saw fit to deposit at my doorstep:

boys hole bottom blogspot
80 years oldmanfuck son (You’re looking for
gynecology hard fucking hospital
fuck your sleeping wife (It’s always a pleasure getting hits from Dr. David Hager.)
babe fucked by kith & kin
a boy fucks his dog (Written during Harlan Ellison’s little-known and brief foray into bestiality porn.)
cock breaks girls jaw (You're busted in more ways than one, Ann.)
come hospital and fuck me
please fuck me in the hospital (See, this is what happens when you let the government get involved with your health care.)
brother and sister interviewed then fuck

Then there’s a subsection of the randy demographic that seems obsessed with…

thick yellow bones fucking
fine ass yellowbone sucking dick
black dicks in yellow bone holes
yellow bone fucking white dick

It’s always good to hear from my readers south of the Mason Dixon line:

i'm proud to be a white man
why are blacks the least civilized
mom jerks off black boy

Unfortunately, not everyone is onboard with our new president’s agenda:

obama blame bush for economic downturn
how often does obama blame bush
obama blame george w. bush administration
obama continues to blame bush
obama always blames bush (Yeah, how dare he? If he did, that is. And it wasn’t as if the Bush administration didn’t give its predecessor a fair shake.)

And, when the 44th president isn’t blaming poor Georgie, he’s doing this, according to these fine internet scholars:

seniors needing to take cyanide pills under the obama plan
Not God, Not Obama, Not even Me.
Obama the assclown speaks
liberal msm keeps public in dark of soldiers deaths in afganistan to shield obama as of july,2009
grumpy mother fucker john quincy adams (Yes, even the 6th president still has trolls.)

Walter Cronkite’s death turned a page in American and world journalism. And he was universally mourned as the ground-breaking newsman he was… not

why the right doesn't like walter Cronkite (Yes, let’s find out why…)
cronkite liberal idiot
walter cronkite loses vietnam war
Walter crokite my greatest acheavment was turning america against the vietnam war (Cronkite never said that. He said his coverage of the Vietnam War and his appraisal of it in February 1968, was his greatest achievement. This is a classic illustration of how ignorant we remain in the digital age. )
cronkite attitude bad

Then, there are those misguided souls who think they know what websites they’re looking for but can’t quite remember the exact URL:

That fucking
cocksuker of
www.fuck my gay assin
gay piss site
(And the most welcome example of a website that no longer exists…)

Speaking of that fat freak…

hal turner and aliens
hal turner is a political prisoner?
hal turner shower (O-kaaaaay! You’re flooding the carb with nightmare fuel!)

As usual, there’s the demographic that makes me wonder why… Just read these incomprehensible search phrases:

I have a favor to ask from (Anybody, please, jump in.)
how we can develop this critical lens?:' things happen in some cities, but the tale of hem will be interesting, the same story laid in another city would be ridiculous'
ASS Rainbow
massage hot fuck my ass pakisstan dick big mobil in k s a
Who are you trying to fool? You're a quack without understanding of the written word, and hellbent on neoconservative ideology. (Is it just me being intolerant or is it normal to have realtime debates with search engines on political ideologies?)
penis bool sex
duty cocksucker
bf bingo
fucking scarry ass clowns
green eggs and ham gay propaganda (“I will not eat them in a while, I will not eat them doggy-style, Bruce I Am…”)
boy sleep hery porrno
is michael jackson dead long time ago? (Yes. It just took our celebrity-apathetic MSM a few years to get around to reporting it.)
make biggest cock at all 21inch
any pornstar from woodbury mn (You sure about that? There must be so many to choose from.)
fuckin commercial name brand no brain nation
chimps picking their nose
you'll shit if you're well fed (Ergo, poor people never shit.)
how a own dick
neda and his dad
very sexsual dotating mandingo fuching woman
fucks of Americans
quotes on mother fuckers who say anything about you
caved in penis
so what the fuck is a boatswainsmate (Well, if you’re going to have such an attitude about it, fuck you, landlubber!)
marie osmond steve benson (Minstrel Boy, are you keeping a guest appearance on Dancing With the Stars from us?)
Liberals and heathens have hope, conservatives and Christians have faith.
pictures of women tortured by the spanish inqusition

Then there are those who are obsessed with, well…

republicans are sucking corporate dick
sarah palin sucking dick (See what you started, Govs Spitzer and Sanford?)
ralph peters cocksucker
cocksucker barney frank
liberal cocksuckers
watch charley chase suck a cock dry free
Manny Klein, Armstrong, moon, blow job (“That’s one small squirt for man…”)
pardon me can i have a blowjob (Well, at least he was polite when he asked the search engine.)
you bet your life cocksucker (Groucho Marx didn’t really make “cocksucker” the magic word, OK?)
big sucky dicks (I bloggy bloggy about it good long time.)
cockersuckers contest

And the five runners up for the scariest search phrases of the summer are…

a guy fucks a girl his bone in his dick and it breaks
how to torture testicles
ball twisting and pulling torture
fucking my sister little now site 2009
burn tits with cigarettes torture


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