Top Ten Whoppers in Karl Rove's New Book

Karl Rove's new book, Courage and Consequence, contains some revisions to established history, including claims that eight and not five presidents succeeded their predecssors due to death or resignation, that the divorced author is still a happily married man and that Bush never really said, "You're doing a heckuva job, Brownie!" to former FEMA Director Michael Brown. But these are hardly the extent of the controversial claims made by Mr. Rove in his memoir. What are some of Mr. Rove's other less-than-factual claims?

Through a miraculous and unprecedented act of mass clairvoyance on Wall Street, the Great Depression of 1929 was pre-emptively caused by the unborn Bill Clinton and not Hoover.

That George W. Bush has never owned a hat but owns many, many head of cattle.

That Vice President Cheney has never, nor will likely ever, hunt down homeless transients on skid row.

That Cheney's former Chief of Staff David Addington actually has some faint strains of human DNA.

That not only did President George W. Bush ban torture but even dispatched Congressmen Barnie Frank and Eric Massa to Guantanamo Bay to give back rubs and blow jobs to terrorist suspects.

That Charles Graner, Sabrina Harman, Lynndie England and others gently admonished Abu Ghraib detainees for spontaneously and lightheartedly making human pyramids.

That Valerie Plame not only outed herself as a covert CIA agent but even secretly confessed to Robert Novak that she was the real Mayflower Madam.

The nine fired US Attorneys not only were not fired but voluntarily quit out of guilt for not railroading more liberal Democrats.

The real reason for invading Iraq was because Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden raped the Bush twins during spring break 2001.

That George W. Bush is actually smarter than a lemur possessed of only a brain stem.