Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The Fischer King


(T)he Fisher King depends for his healing on the successful completion of the hero's task. - University of Rochester.

After watching this video of Bryan Fischer's biggest hits o' hate, this four minutes of bile, I've come to the conclusion that this... man, for want of a better word, is the evil Phil Donahue. Bryan Fischer, you might remember, is this election cycle's John Hagee, the GOP's version of Rick Warren, another overweight homophobe warning us of the scourge of teh icky gays.

Yea, brothers and sisters, after watching this goodly double helping of the radical right's Two Minutes Hate, I have had a revelation.

The Fisher King liveth in the body of Bryan Fischer (no subtlety there), a man whose soul is so contorted with hatred for whatever deviates from his increasingly narrow world view of what's pious, proper and WASPish that he cannot find redemption or healing until his bile-stippled message is validated by a right wing knight on, suitably, a white horse. And those various knights, in the guise of Republican presidential candidates (I know, I too giggle whenever I say it out loud) are lining up, waiting to validate those prejudices once they throw out the Muslim, terrorist-loving, Socialist nigger.

Lord only knows why so many allegedly sentient humans listen to intellectual pestilences such as Fischer, as well as Oral Roberts and Franklin and Billy Graham and Pat Robertson and any elder in that glorified cult known as the Church of (the White) Jesus Christ and Latter Day Saints. Why are these men allowed to pull anything they find in their uptight asses, roll it up and flick it on the public airwaves and why do so many of us accept it as gospel?

I do not know because faith and belief require no logic or justification, requiring no vetting process. But we allow it because we live in a republic that allows such hateful, divisive rhetoric. We have a constitution, we have a Bill of Rights, we have a first amendment and in that amendment we have something called freedom of the press and freedom of speech. But at its deepest, pathological level, we seeing a vast sea of canvas tent dwellers, those who sway and speak in tongues like so many charismatic Frankensteins, in short, an army of little fisher kings all in search of healing and redemption.

And they get it through their King Fisher Kings like Bryan Fischer who himself is searching for that lily-white knight who will validate those little balls of shit that he flicks at America five times a week. It's not because they feel they are damaged in some way that necessitates Haldol enemas, strait jackets and four point restraints. They really, honestly do believe they could take a strenuous, steaming shit in the produce aisle of a Whole Foods or Trader Joes and no one would notice because their shit doesn't stink, don't you know?

But they feel persecuted despite the Constitution and the 1st amendment and the ACLU and long-suffering liberals who are well aware of all that good shit. They are the lepers who feel the rest of the world is sinning because they, too, aren't dropping extremities like rotten little dates.

Yet they're drawing battle lines and asking them to join them in hating the most vulnerable members of our society. Because Christianity to them has now mutated into something meaning, essentially, banning, hating, marginalizing or outright destroying anything that doesn't meet their narrow world view.


Of course, when you think with a penis on your shoulders, you tend to have a narrow world view. And some of them hate us liberals with a vengeance straight out of their cherry-picked Old Testament.

So when we plead that gay people have the right to serve in our nation's defense without repercussions or to get married like everyone else, we're asking for "special rights." When we try to tell gay children, "It gets better", you can always count on psychopaths like Bryan Fischer to say, "No it doesn't. It gets worse."

And people like Fischer are allowed to continue to pull shit out of their fat asses and to flick it like marbles across our living rooms and to do so unchallenged because, well, God bless him, he sees things my way. And nothing unites psychopaths and other God-fearing types like common enemies.

So, yes, brothers and sisters, only gay men give each other AIDS in the name of terrorism, despite straight people being the fastest growing demographic (19%). Children of gay marriages are the most miserable, despite scientific, peer-reviewed evidence to the contrary. The President has a deep-seated loathing for the white man and is simultaneously a fascist and Communist and a Muslim, to boot.

And when Matthew Shepards are found beaten and next to death on barbed wire fences, when children at Norwegian summer camps get butchered, when Unitarian worshippers, Holocaust museum goers and abortion doctors are gunned down in broad daylight in full view of witnesses, they invariably take the cowardly tack and say, "Oh, well, how can I be connected to this???" despite being specifically named as a source and inspiration and when their literature is found in their homes.

They say, "Oh, that's terrible, brothers and sisters. But, then again, I can understand the shooter's frustration with liberals..."

Well, at some point, a line has to be drawn in the sand, even if that line in the sand divides our footprints from that of the Caucasian, blue-eyed, Aryan Jesus. At some point, we have to decide which side is being the most divisive and trying to weaken and marginalize the weakest and most vulnerable members of our society and who isn't.

And since they love to pule about their continually persecuted status, let's give these Bible-banging cunts a real reason to feel persecuted. We should start telling these people, "Every time you call for the wholesale prejudice against gays, bis and lesbians, it'll be like lopping the head off the Hydra and nine more babies will be made gay."

Tell them, "Every time you call for a mosque to be taken down, to not be built at Ground Zero, every time you call Islam 'a car-burning cult', you add another virgin to a Muslim when he enters heaven."

Tell them, "Every time you say the president has a deep-seated hatred of white people, you make Jesus a little blacker, his eyes a little darker and his hair a little kinkier."

Because the healing of your wounds and your own personal salvation should never come at the expense of another.

1 Comments:

At August 12, 2011 at 8:28 AM, Anonymous Had 2 turn if off after 2 mins said...

You just KNOW that when this guy jacks off, he thinks about getting fucked in the ass by a black man with a big dick. It's SO forbidden in his twisted little mind that it would be his biggest turn-on.

 

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

All Time Classics

  • Our Worse Half: The 25 Most Embarrassing States.
  • The Missing Security Tapes From the World Trade Center.
  • It's a Blunderful Life.
  • The Civil War II
  • Sweet Jesus, I Hate America
  • Top Ten Conservative Books
  • I Am Mr. Ed
  • Glenn Beck: Racist, Hate Monger, Comedian
  • The Ten Worst Music Videos of all Time
  • Assclowns of the Week

  • Links to the first 33 Assclowns of the Week.
  • Links to Assclowns of the Week 38-63.
  • #104: Make Racism Great Again Also Labor Day edition
  • #103: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Toilet edition
  • #102: Orange is the New Fat edition
  • #101: Electoral College Dropouts edition
  • #100: Centennial of Silliness edition
  • #99: Dr. Strangehate edition
  • #98: Get Bentghazi edition
  • #97: SNAPping Your Fingers at the Poor edition
  • #96: Treat or Treat, Kiss My Ass edition
  • #95: Monumental Stupidity double-sized edition
  • #94: House of 'Tards edition
  • #93: You Da Bomb! edition.
  • #92: Akin to a Fool edition.
  • #91: Aurora Moronealis edition.
  • #90: Keep Your Gubmint Hands Off My High Pre'mums and Deductibles! edition.
  • #89: Occupy the Catbird Seat/Thanksgiving edition.
  • #88: Heil Hitler edition.
  • #87: Let Sleeping Elephants Lie edition.
  • #86: the Maniacs edition.
  • #85: The Top 50 Assclowns of 2010 edition.
  • #(19)84: Midterm Madness edition.
  • #83: Spill, Baby, Spill! edition.
  • #82: Leave Corporations Alone, They’re People! edition.
  • #81: Hatin' on Haiti edition.
  • #80: Don't Get Your Panties in a Twist edition.
  • #79: Top 50 Assclowns of 2009 edition.
  • #78: Nattering Nabobs of Negativism edition.
  • #77: ...And Justice For Once edition.
  • #76: Reading Tea Leaves/Labor Day edition.
  • #75: Diamond Jubilee/Inaugural Edition
  • #74: Dropping the Crystal Ball Edition
  • #73: The Twelve Assclowns of Christmas Edition
  • #72: Trick or Treat Election Day Edition
  • #71: Grand Theft Autocrats Edition
  • #70: Soulless Corporations and the Politicians Who Love Them Edition
  • Paul Ryan's Top Ten Conditions on Running for the Speakership
  • Top 10 Reasons Why Mitt Romney Won't Run for President in 2016
  • Top 10 Results of the NYPD's Work Slowdown
  • Top 10 Secret Service Security Breaches
  • Top 10 LA Radio Shows That Are Rated Higher Than Rush Limbaugh's
  • Top 10 Reasons Operation American Spring Went Flat
  • Top Ten Facts of the MH370 Air Disaster
  • Top 10 Tips for GOP Congressmen Running Against Women
  • Top 10 Signs Walmart's Mistreating its Workers
  • Top 10 Diversions John McCain Found During Syria Hearing
  • Top 10 George Zimmerman Excuses for Speeding.
  • Top 10 Reasons Paula Deen Got Fired by the Food Network
  • Top Ten Ways Pope Francis is Deviating From Convention
  • Top 10 Reasons For the Pope's Resignation
  • Top 10 Emails Hacked From the Bush Family's Email Accounts
  • Top 10 Lies Told by Mitt Romney at the 2nd Debate.
  • Top 10 Examples of How Hard the Campaign Trail is on Ann D. Romney.
  • Top 10 Ways to Tell The Boston Red Sox Are Finished.
  • Top 10 Things Mitt May be Hiding in His Tax Returns.
  • Top 10 Events at the Romney Olympics.
  • Mitt Romney's Top 10 Wild & Crazy Moments.
  • Top Ten Reasons Why Dick Cheney Got a Heart Transplant.
  • Top 10 Facts About Tonight's New England/Denver Game.
  • My Top 10 Resolutions.
  • Top 10 Rejected Slogans of the Romney Campaign.
  • Top 10 Reasons Herman Cain Suspended His Campaign.
  • Top 10 Trending Topics on Twitter During #OWS Eviction.
  • Top 10 Herman Cain Pickup Lines.
  • Top 10 Changes Since Anthony Weiner Decided to Resign.
  • Top 10 Inaccuracies re bin Laden's Death.
  • Top 10 Ways to Prevent a TSA Patdown.
  • Top Ten Things Not to Say When You're Pulled Over.
  • Top 10 Reasons Why Donald Trump Bowed Out of the Presidential Race.
  • Top 10 Ways Evangelicals Will Prepare for the Rapture II.
  • Top 10 Revelations in Today's Parliament Inquiry into News Corp.
  • Top 10 Reasons Why There Was No Vote on the Debt Ceiling Last Night.
  • Top 10 Revelations in Dick Cheney's Upcoming Memoir.
  • Top Ten Ways Americans Will Observe the 10th Anniversary of 9/11.
  • Top Ten Advances in Women's Rights in Saudi Arabia.
  • Top Ten Inaccuracies in Bill O'Reilly's Book About Lincoln.
  • Top Ten Suggestions From the Cat Food Commission.
  • Top Ten Worst Moments in George W. Bush's Presidency.
  • Top Ten Facts in George W. Bush's Memoir.
  • Top Ten Reasons Terry Jones Postponed His Koran Burning
  • Top 10 Causes for Dick Cheney's Congestive Heart Failure
  • Top Ten Ways That Jan Brewer Will Celebrate Cinco de Mayo
  • Top Ten Demands in Sarah Palin's Contract
  • Top Ten Whoppers in Karl Rove's New Book
  • Top 10 Items Left Behind in Rush Limbaugh's Apartment
  • Top Ten Things Barack Obama said to Rush Limbaugh in the Hospital
  • Top Ten Bizarre Promos Offered by the New Jersey Nets
  • Top 10 Bush Executive Orders Labor Wants President Obama to Repeal
  • George W. Bush's Top Ten Lesser Achievements
  • Empire Of The Senseless.
  • Christwire.org: Conservative Values for an Unsaved World.
  • Esquire's Charles Pierce.
  • Brilliant @ Breakfast.
  • The Burning Platform.
  • The Rant.
  • Mock, Paper, Scissors.
  • James Petras.
  • Towle Road.
  • Avedon's Sideshow (the new site).
  • At Largely, Larisa Alexandrovna's place.
  • The Daily Howler.
  • The DCist.
  • Greg Palast.
  • Jon Swift. RIP, Al.
  • God is For Suckers.
  • Hullabaloo, Digby's place.
  • The Rude Pundit.
  • Driftglass.
  • Newshounds.
  • William Grigg, a great find.
  • Brad Blog.
  • Down With Tyranny!, Howie Klein's blog.
  • Wayne's World. Party time! Excellent!
  • Busted Knuckles, aka Ornery Bastard.
  • Mills River Progressive.
  • Right Wing Watch.
  • Earthbond Misfit.
  • Anosognosia.
  • Echidne of the Snakes.
  • They Gave Us a Republic.
  • The Gawker.
  • Outtake Online, Emmy-winner Charlotte Robinson's site.
  • The artist formerly known as Politits. The politics are still liberal.
  • Skippy, the Bush Kangaroo
  • No More Mr. Nice Blog.
  • Head On Radio Network, Bob Kincaid.
  • Spocko's Brain.
  • Pandagon.
  • Slackivist.
  • WTF Is It Now?
  • No Blood For Hubris.
  • Lydia Cornell, a very smart and accomplished lady.
  • Roger Ailes (the good one.)
  • BlondeSense.
  • The Smirking Chimp.
  • Hammer of the Blogs.
  • Vast Left Wing Conspiracy.
  • Argville.
  • Existentialist Cowboy.
  • The Progressive.
  • The Nation.
  • Mother Jones.
  • Vanity Fair.
  • Salon.com.
  • Citizens For Legitimate Government.
  • News Finder.
  • Indy Media Center.
  • Lexis News.
  • Military Religious Freedom.
  • McClatchy Newspapers.
  • The New Yorker.
  • Bloggingheads TV, political vlogging.
  • Find Articles.com, the next-best thing to Nexis.
  • Altweeklies, for the news you won't get just anywhere.
  • The Smirking Chimp
  • Don Emmerich's Peace Blog
  • Wikileaks.
  • The Peoples' Voice.
  • Dictionary.com.
  • CIA World Fact Book.
  • IP address locator.
  • Tom Tomorrow's hilarious strip.
  • Babelfish, an instant, online translator. I love to translate Ann Coulter's site into German.
  • Newsmeat: Find out who's donating to whom.
  • Wikipedia.
  • Uncyclopedia.
  • anysoldier.com
  • Icasualties
  • Free Press
  • YouTube
  • The Bone Bridge.
  • Powered by Blogger