The Fischer King

(T)he Fisher King depends for his healing on the successful completion of the hero's task. - University of Rochester.

After watching this video of Bryan Fischer's biggest hits o' hate, this four minutes of bile, I've come to the conclusion that this... man, for want of a better word, is the evil Phil Donahue. Bryan Fischer, you might remember, is this election cycle's John Hagee, the GOP's version of Rick Warren, another overweight homophobe warning us of the scourge of teh icky gays.

Yea, brothers and sisters, after watching this goodly double helping of the radical right's Two Minutes Hate, I have had a revelation.

The Fisher King liveth in the body of Bryan Fischer (no subtlety there), a man whose soul is so contorted with hatred for whatever deviates from his increasingly narrow world view of what's pious, proper and WASPish that he cannot find redemption or healing until his bile-stippled message is validated by a right wing knight on, suitably, a white horse. And those various knights, in the guise of Republican presidential candidates (I know, I too giggle whenever I say it out loud) are lining up, waiting to validate those prejudices once they throw out the Muslim, terrorist-loving, Socialist nigger.

Lord only knows why so many allegedly sentient humans listen to intellectual pestilences such as Fischer, as well as Oral Roberts and Franklin and Billy Graham and Pat Robertson and any elder in that glorified cult known as the Church of (the White) Jesus Christ and Latter Day Saints. Why are these men allowed to pull anything they find in their uptight asses, roll it up and flick it on the public airwaves and why do so many of us accept it as gospel?

I do not know because faith and belief require no logic or justification, requiring no vetting process. But we allow it because we live in a republic that allows such hateful, divisive rhetoric. We have a constitution, we have a Bill of Rights, we have a first amendment and in that amendment we have something called freedom of the press and freedom of speech. But at its deepest, pathological level, we seeing a vast sea of canvas tent dwellers, those who sway and speak in tongues like so many charismatic Frankensteins, in short, an army of little fisher kings all in search of healing and redemption.

And they get it through their King Fisher Kings like Bryan Fischer who himself is searching for that lily-white knight who will validate those little balls of shit that he flicks at America five times a week. It's not because they feel they are damaged in some way that necessitates Haldol enemas, strait jackets and four point restraints. They really, honestly do believe they could take a strenuous, steaming shit in the produce aisle of a Whole Foods or Trader Joes and no one would notice because their shit doesn't stink, don't you know?

But they feel persecuted despite the Constitution and the 1st amendment and the ACLU and long-suffering liberals who are well aware of all that good shit. They are the lepers who feel the rest of the world is sinning because they, too, aren't dropping extremities like rotten little dates.

Yet they're drawing battle lines and asking them to join them in hating the most vulnerable members of our society. Because Christianity to them has now mutated into something meaning, essentially, banning, hating, marginalizing or outright destroying anything that doesn't meet their narrow world view.


Of course, when you think with a penis on your shoulders, you tend to have a narrow world view. And some of them hate us liberals with a vengeance straight out of their cherry-picked Old Testament.

So when we plead that gay people have the right to serve in our nation's defense without repercussions or to get married like everyone else, we're asking for "special rights." When we try to tell gay children, "It gets better", you can always count on psychopaths like Bryan Fischer to say, "No it doesn't. It gets worse."

And people like Fischer are allowed to continue to pull shit out of their fat asses and to flick it like marbles across our living rooms and to do so unchallenged because, well, God bless him, he sees things my way. And nothing unites psychopaths and other God-fearing types like common enemies.

So, yes, brothers and sisters, only gay men give each other AIDS in the name of terrorism, despite straight people being the fastest growing demographic (19%). Children of gay marriages are the most miserable, despite scientific, peer-reviewed evidence to the contrary. The President has a deep-seated loathing for the white man and is simultaneously a fascist and Communist and a Muslim, to boot.

And when Matthew Shepards are found beaten and next to death on barbed wire fences, when children at Norwegian summer camps get butchered, when Unitarian worshippers, Holocaust museum goers and abortion doctors are gunned down in broad daylight in full view of witnesses, they invariably take the cowardly tack and say, "Oh, well, how can I be connected to this???" despite being specifically named as a source and inspiration and when their literature is found in their homes.

They say, "Oh, that's terrible, brothers and sisters. But, then again, I can understand the shooter's frustration with liberals..."

Well, at some point, a line has to be drawn in the sand, even if that line in the sand divides our footprints from that of the Caucasian, blue-eyed, Aryan Jesus. At some point, we have to decide which side is being the most divisive and trying to weaken and marginalize the weakest and most vulnerable members of our society and who isn't.

And since they love to pule about their continually persecuted status, let's give these Bible-banging cunts a real reason to feel persecuted. We should start telling these people, "Every time you call for the wholesale prejudice against gays, bis and lesbians, it'll be like lopping the head off the Hydra and nine more babies will be made gay."

Tell them, "Every time you call for a mosque to be taken down, to not be built at Ground Zero, every time you call Islam 'a car-burning cult', you add another virgin to a Muslim when he enters heaven."

Tell them, "Every time you say the president has a deep-seated hatred of white people, you make Jesus a little blacker, his eyes a little darker and his hair a little kinkier."

Because the healing of your wounds and your own personal salvation should never come at the expense of another.