Sunday, January 15, 2012

Top Ten Facts About Tonight's New England/Denver Game


Tonight. the New England Patriots beat the Denver Broncos 45-10 to advance to the second round of the NFL playoffs. Many amazing facts and stats were accrued, including Tom Brady's 363 passing yards and Rob Gronkowski's three touchdowns and 145 receiving yards, both tying for most in NFL postseason history. But there were some other surprising facts and stats in Denver's loss to the Patriots. What were they?

  • 10) Patriots owner Robert Kraft ate more hot dogs by the first quarter than Tebow had completions all night.

  • 9) Even Patriots head coach Bill Belichick screamed at Broncos offensive squad over subpar play.

  • 8) John Elway called Denver locker room at halftime to offer to come out of retirement.

  • 7) Jesus severed ties with Tim Tebow for better endorsement deal.

  • 6) Fellow evangelical QB and Patriots victim Kurt Warner called Tebow after game to suggest suicide pact.

  • 5) Tim Tebow was sacked only three fewer times than all of Bain Capital's employees combined.

  • 4) Broncos cheerleaders smoking in Gillette Stadium's parking lot after halftime.

  • 3) Patriots offensive coordinator Bill O'Brien caught slipping suggestions to Tebow and the offensive line.

  • 2) Tim Tebow completed fewer passes than Herman Cain.

  • 1) That Jesus stops trying to save Mankind every Sunday to personally help Tim Tebow. Unfortunately, someone forgot to tell Tebow it was Saturday night.
  • 1 Comments:

    At January 15, 2012 at 10:54 PM, Anonymous Jessa said...

    It really bugs me how people keep going on about how great Teblow is for his "spiritual" side, but if he was black he would be ignored, and if he was Muslim he would be called a radical and "unpatriotic" by Faux News. Plus, his sanctimonious bullcrap and constant need to prattle about women's issues really ticks me off. Gee Timmy, aren't we just blessed to have your presence in our life. Your just "God's gift" to the world! That's basically what I get out of his statements. He's just so darn great!

    And goshgollygeewhiz, my mom could have aborted me too, but she didn't (and so could your mom could have aborted you, and so could my neighbor's mom aborted my neighbor), but don't I think I should prattle on about it endlessly and dictate how other people in difficult situations should do with their uterus! Isn't it GREAT that we live in a society where women get the right to CHOOSE, without the gov't telling us what we can and can't do with our reproductive organs, unlike China? That's what he should be thinking about instead of spouting off at the mouth because of that massive ego of his. Use that big head of yours Timmy (It has a greater purpose than just holding your helmet on)!

    Sorry for the rant (I won't be offended if you choose to delete it). He just pisses me off so much. I got such a kick out of this post though.

     

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