The War on Christmas
Moving on, when having 33 rounds in a ridiculously extended clip just isn't enough, there's this baby...
As proof that we haven't even come close to peak oil, there's this Tim Taylor-inspired monstrosity to consider for the back yard chef of the family: A 345 horsepower, 5.7-liter V-8 HEMI engine-powered grill wrapped up in 330 feet of stainless steel. With the V-8 engine, you can get about 30 hot dogs per gallon and the nearly 350 ponies will flash-fry a herd of buffalo in three minutes flat. Yes, the tyranny of clean-burning propane's now a thing of the past, guys. Who cares about the exhaust and what's a little global warming among friends, right?
Who coined the phrase, "No pain, no gain"?
Now, thanks to fine retailers like this one, one can sport tough-looking tattoos without actually experiencing the pain of getting them. For less than $7.50 an arm, you, too, can look like you belong to a South Central LA street gang or survived multiple prison shower rapes. Perfect for that conservative brother or son in law who wants to look bad-ass yet just can't seem to get over that childhood fear of needles.
In case you're averse to Black Friday or going to the mall, there's always eBay. And as long as there's eBay, why not get something else for that Obama-hating conspiracy theorist in the family such as these skeet-shooting Obama targets?
And, just in case you have an Obama-hater in the family but one who's passive-aggressive, there's this Obama Urinal target also for sale on eBay for less than two and a half bucks!
Pro-Life Crusader Christmas Tree Ornament line! And we all know the original definition of the word crusader don't we? "Adopt my extremist Christian views, heathen, or I will turn you into a rotting corpse." Amen!
Got a misguided, lib'ral-minded youngster in the house? Then give the adorable but ideologically-crippled little tyke this really big Ted Cruz coloring book from Really Big Coloring Books! Yes, this masterpiece of children's literature joins "Rapey" Rush Limbaugh's factual historical account of the talking horses and cell phones of the American Revolution by
indoctrinating edumacating impressionable minds about the evils of ObamaCare. Yes, in this "non partisan" coloring book, Tailgunner Ted and his shiny super suit reminds our nation's future that America is a Christian nation, that providing health care to those who want it is bad business and that ObamaCare is the greatest scourge since... well, since ever! (The first 1000 who order will get a box of free crayons. Unfortunately, they're all white and flesh tone.)