Pimpin' Ain't Easy

     On the Trump Douchebag Index, it could be said the fruit of Donald Trump's loins are perhaps a quarter of a cut above that of America's most infamous pimp, Jailbird James O'Keefe. But Eric Trump's latest stunt requires a special, rarified level of the Douchebag Index.
     Because on Charitybuzz.com, in which you can bid money to spend time with certain high profile people such as Fergie, the Duchess of York, Eric Trump actually tried to pawn 45 minutes of his sister's time supposedly for St. Jude's Hospital. Basically, he tried to pimp out his own sister.
     Now, realizing what a skeevy sleaze Eric Trump is (he's the one standing in the background like the world's creepiest photobomber), this makes sense at first. After all, who but those who've had all their shots updated would pay up to $78,000 to the Eric Trump Foundation to be alone in a room with Eric Trump? Perhaps, assuming rightly, that his own time wouldn't have raised much more than a plug nickel and half a roll of Peppermint Life Savers, Trump decided to pimp out Ivanka, ethically tarnished as she already is.
     Well, the O'Keefe-class pimpin' suddenly got a whole lot harder when several people raised ethical concerns about selling access to someone who's about to become part of the First Family. That no-good do-gooder liberals' badgering then made Eric Trump pull the campaign from Charitybuzz, also leading him to huff and puff to the NY Times, which raised the ethical concerns, that, "Now they may not get a chance to "Enjoy Coffee with Ivanka Trump in NYC or DC." When he did finally pull the lot from the website, he then issued another huffing and puffing press release that puled, "Today, the only people that lost are the children of St. Jude."
     Because, you know, it was all about the poor, sick little kiddies. Uh...

"Mr. Ozkural is one of several high-profile bidders in a feverish competition to win time with one of Mr. Trump's children. Other bidders include the owner of a Tex-Mex restaurant chain from Houston who wants to press Mr. Trump, through his daughter, about immigration policy, and a real estate executive and fringe presidential candidate from Florida who wants to send a message to Mr. Trump about election fraud.

     No, no, no, it was all about the poor, sick little... Oh fuck...

The Times spoke with one of the bidders in the auction, investment manager Ozan Ozkural. He told the newspaper he wanted coffee with Ivanka in order to learn about what the president-elect might do in the future — especially in countries where Ozkural invests.

     I think we have it on good faith that this rich asshole was the one who put up the final bid of $77,888 (By contrast, Fergie only commanded $3500, without her children's books being boycotted).
     Betty Cracker over at Balloon Juice has the final word on this when she writes,

Then write a check to St. Jude yourself, cheap-ass Little Lord Fauntleroy. Oh, right — Trumps never open their own wallets, preferring instead to funnel other people’s money into charities that double as private slush funds.

     Ouch. Get the little American Psycho boy a bag of ice for that nose!