So, here's the situation...

     Our sole revenue stream just stopped. Dead. With no explanation. I've tried to find out what's going on and have met with silence. Not only is this a disaster for us, this also may mean that a dear friend of ours may have met with some misfortune that's even worse than our own (which is saying something).
     In a situation like this, you think of every purchase you ever made this week, last month, last year, years ago and begin totaling up all those expenses and wishing you never made them. All the times you got takeout, the stuff you ordered from Amazon, the books you didn't need. You're second-guessing all of them when it's far too late to do anything about it. I'm even second-guessing the $146 I just spent on a car battery this weekend.
     So, here's the situation: We have $11 in Paypal, less than $150 in the checking account and $25 in the savings. The only significant amount of money we have left is the $750 for this month's rent that the landlord hasn't collected yet but surely will at any moment. And if we have to flee this apartment, it'll have to be in the next day or two and I'd much rather do that with that $750 in my pocket than without it. That's the long and the short of it.
     And I don't care what certain detractors think about this because the situation is far too dire for me to worry about anything so petty as my self respect, which has already taken a beating. I was supposed to take Barbara to an Applebee's to see the Super Bowl last night but when the money disbursement still hadn't arrived, I pulled the plug on it because I couldn't justify the expense.
     In fact, I just had to cancel an order for some ink cartridges because it doesn't make any sense to spend money on cartridges for a printer I'm going to wind up abandoning, anyway.
     And that's what we'll have to do, if push comes to shove- We'll have to abandon our home of 10 years and keep just what we can fit into the van- a few clothes, some food in a cooler, whatever books we'll want to keep and the cat. We'd have to abandon our furniture because, without an income, storage fees wouldn't be an option.
     After that, who knows? We'd have nowhere to go and may wind up living out of our van in the dead of winter. But without an income, we obviously wouldn't be able to stay here much longer and our lease is up at the end of the month, anyway.
     Look, guys, I didn't ask for this to happen to me, to us. I didn't ask for my right wing, sociopathic boss to lay me off in April 2009 because he embezzled too much money from the company. I didn't ask for the entire job market to change to the point where a man in his 50's could no longer find work doing anything and that choosy temp agencies would be doing all the hiring.
     I did everything I was supposed to do my whole life. I didn't live beyond my means, I showed up for work and paid my bills and taxes. But those don't stop coming, the taxes and bills, and no one much cares to hear about your sole revenue stream being abruptly terminated.
     My girlfriend, whom I'd invited to live with me 10 years ago with the promise that I'd take care of her, didn't ask for this, either. I got her in a sign shop so she could do what she did best and loved the most. She didn't ask for her piece of shit right wing bosses to use her at minimum wage, only to lay her off 10 months later with no notice. It's not her fault all the other sign shops in the area use Photoshop, which she doesn't know how to use.
     And the cat that I'd rescued 10 years ago certainly didn't ask for this. Poor Popeye has no idea what's going on, although perhaps he can sense the growing tension in our home. If we have to flee our apartment, the poor little guy will be cooped up in the pet taxi and having no idea what just happened to his orderly life and the drastic interruption to his daily routine.
     The same goes for Barb and me. We've settled into a dog trot type of life typical of those in their 60's and soon all that will go away. 10 years ago when I had to start over, I was barely out of my 40s and still had two jobs. I still had a future and, even though I lost my girlfriend, family and home of 15+ years, starting over was, frankly, exciting.
     But this is a nightmare, with no end in sight. We. Did. Not. Ask. For. This. To. Happen.
     And I know I've mercilessly abused that Paypal button over the years. But when no one's willing to help you get a job, well, let's just say if you were in my position, you'd do anything to keep body and soul together, too, and take care of your loved ones.
     That's why I need your help, people, more than ever before. Whether we flee our home of 10 years in a couple of days or a month, we obviously can't leave without money. We've weathered emergencies in the past such as when I had to send Barb to Florida when her mother was dying and us getting our entire bank account garnished by the DOR.
     But this is the direst emergency, yet. We are literally looking at abandoning the only home we've ever had in the last decade and having nowhere to go after that because there are no shelters in the area.
     Look, I've kept this blog running and was essentially giving it away for going on 11 years now and gave it away for free with my first two before that. Whether or not we were getting donations, the writing continued, however sporadically, because I have always believed that people had a right to know the truth, however ugly.
     Yet this hideous state of emergency doesn't concern our government or another- It's about us. I'm just giving you the facts and numbers, without falsehood or hyperbole. Things are exactly as I've just described and we need your assistance more desperately than you'd be willing to believe.
     For the love of all you deem sacred, please, please, please help us.