White House Down

(By American Zen's Mike Flannigan, on loan from Ari.)

Last night, for the first time since the British burned it and much of Washington DC down during the War of 1812, the White House went dark. Since that time, that venerated building has survived the Civil War, World War I, the Great Depression, World War II, the Cuban Missile Crisis, Vietnam, Watergate and 9/11.

     In all those decades, in 206 years, the lights stayed on.

    Until last night. They could survive all that came before it. But they couldn't survive Donald Trump.

    Just as Derek Chauvin provided us with the iconic photo of police brutality in 21st century America (as I'd averred in my last article), the sight of the White House going dark last night and the fountains ceasing their semi-erotic ejaculations was the perfect symbol, the perfect iconic image of a White House bereft of any leadership, a rudderless ship of state about to lean to its port side. They might as well have posted a sign on the White House's front door: SOON UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT.

    It's the last thing a scared homeowner would typically do while suspecting there's an armed intruder or burglar about to break in before dashing down to the basement. And, in an eerie parallel of Adolph Hitler (Yes, Godwin's Law checked in record time) seeking refuge in the bunker beneath the Reichstag in the final month of the Third Reich, Donald Trump's unofficial Fourth Reich came to an ignominious end last night as the Secret Service hustled him down to the bunker beneath the White House. Maybe if he's as lucky as his spiritual predecessor, he'll be able to get those "most beautiful chocolate cakes" smuggled in from Mar a Lago.

     Apparently, Donald Trump was so freaked out by the protesters (the first he'd ever actually seen with his jaundiced, beady eyes since being given the Oval Office by Putin's intelligence network) in Lafayette Square, a full half a mile from the White House, that the Secret Service hustled him out of the Executive Mansion like a teenage boy hiding his girlfriend in the basement when his parents arrive home early. Save for the occasional digital Tourettes tweet, Trump was silent. The right wing Daily Caller was so completely disgusted with the "Commander in Chief", it could have been written by the editorial board of Mother Jones. In "Trump Silent As Nation Burns From Violent Riots", Ryan Saavedra wrote,

President* Donald Trump remained silent late on Sunday as the nation burned from riots across the country, including an iconic church that was on fire across the street from the White House.     

The last tweet from Trump that addressed the riots currently ravaging the U.S. came at 6:52 p.m. EST, when Trump tweeted: “LAW & ORDER!” No other information was included with Trump’s tweet.

At 12:23 p.m. EST Trump tweeted: “The United States of America will be designating ANTIFA as a Terrorist Organization.”

   Then Saavedra drily provided seemingly endless examples of right wing media apostasy, including Trump uber mensch Mike Cernovich, who'd asked in all seriousness, "Does Trump have dementia or something? Because sitting on his fat ass right now isn't the right move."

It's 10 PM. Do You Know Where Your President Is?

Meanwhile, St. John's Church, which was built in 1816, just two years after the British burned down the White House and where every president since James Madison had worshiped, was in flames. Of course, that same right wing media that was firing shots across the ship of state's listing bow were framing it as "anarchy is winning" and conveniently pinned the blame of St. John's immolation on Antifa. If Trump wasn't cowering in the bunker, he could've seen the church and much of the nation's Capitol in flames if he but looked outside the Executive Mansion's windows.

     Meanwhile, the tweets sporadically came out. "LAW AND ORDER!" he silently screamed at one point, bringing to mind Dirty Steve darting out of his cave, shooting his rifle and screaming about a nonexistent giant chicken in the peyote scene in Young Guns.

     And it wasn't just the right wing media, it was virtually the entire 4th estate with whom Trump has a lifelong love/hate relationship. The Washington Post, one of Trump's favorite papers, raked him over the coals, saying, “Never in the 1,227 days of Trump’s presidency has the nation seemed to cry out for leadership as it did Sunday, yet Trump made no attempt to provide it.” The NY Times, Trump's other favorite paper, reported, "Some campaign advisers were pressing for a formal address to the nation as early as Sunday. But White House officials, recalling Mr. Trump’s error-filled Oval Office address in March about the spread of the coronavirus, cautioned that it was not necessary."

     And the reason behind the eerie and troubling silence was because Trump, the guy who wouldn't let George Floyd's brother talk during his "condolence call", suddenly had nothing to say.

     But fear not, my fellow Americans, while George Floyd protesters and law enforcement officers alike were outside the bunker putting their lives on the line, Bunker Boy came roaring back this morning to tell governors, over the phone, they needed to "dominate" their people and accused them of being "too weak." This is an actual exchange between Gov. JB Pritzker of Illinois and Captain Covid:

     Gov. J.B. Pritzker- "(T)he rhetoric that’s coming out of the White House is making it worse."

     President Bunker Boy- "“OK, well thank you very much, J.B. I don’t like your rhetoric very much either."

     In other words, I am rubber and you are glue and what you say bounces off me and sticks on you.

     It's literally impossible for me to believe that Trump has any allies left on Capitol Hill after this fiery weekend. Even his most vicious and virulent supporters must have woken up this morning to the deflating and dispiriting feeling that the guy they'd been supporting for over four years is, deep down, a coward who immediately wilted at the first protest he'd ever witnessed during his fake presidency and silently walked away at the exact same moment the nation needed the leader it hasn't had since January 20, 2017.