Matt Gaetz: Feckless Cunt Zero

 

     There are a lot of things you can call Matt Gaetz.

     You could call him a fearless champion for the inalienable rights of the common man, which I guess one would if they paid handsomely to watch repetitive NASCAR traffic and got all their news from Donald Trump's Truth Social feed.

     You could call him George W. Bush 2.0, a professional rich man's son who, without Daddy Warbucks would, if the Universe weren't addicted to dark humor, be sucking cock out of a refrigerator crate in Boston's Back Bay for subway tokens. The difference between Gaetz and Bush, of course, is that Bush actually flew fighter jets.

     You could call him the Firestarter of the Freedom Caucus for calling for the vacate vote that set up Kevin McCarthy's historic ouster last September because he didn't give Gaetz what he wanted, which was the shutdown of the US government. It can be said that Gaetz gave his blessing to McCarthy last January after 14 unsuccessful rounds and, after putting the gavel in his hands, he then took it right back out.

     You can call him the Pennywise of the Republican Party, someone who, the minute he doesn't get what he wants, an artifact from his coddled frat boy days, will take the usual position in some sewer storm drain and take his revenge on the unwary.

     You can call him Captain Venmo, as my friend Tara Dublin calls him, because of his penchant for making Venmo payments to future convicted felons such as his old wingman, Joel Greenberg, so he can have sex with underage girls.

    Myself, I just call him Feckless Cunt Zero because he doesn't deserve a nickname that's more imaginative.

   Matt Gaetz may not be representative of everything that's wrong with the House but he's representative of a lot of the symptoms afflicting the lower body. Like his former running buddy, Marjorie Taylor-Greene, Gaetz was given a disproportionately large amount of power and influence in a shockingly brief span of time, power that he's neither earned nor deserved. Hence, the incomprehensible deference shown to him in his capacity of being a kingmaker regarding the Speakership.

    

     Gaetz, like George W. Bush and others before him, is the stereotypical rich man's son that we've seen in all too many movies featuring similar characters we love to hate. After his DUI arrest in Florida, the charges mysteriously melted away, just like the subsequent federal "investigation" into him using Venmo to pay to have sex with an underage girl.

     Undeterred, the Florida voters of the First District saw fit to make an unconvicted drunk driver their Congressman and to reelect him time and again even after it's been proven on countless occasions that Gaetz, like Jim Jordan, Greene, Lauren Boebert and so many others like him show no interest in actual governance. Instead, he's demonstrated an unquenchable thirst for performative art designed to harass those he perceives to be his enemy. Which, true to neonazi form, is anyone who even mildly criticizes him.

     Add me to that group, Matty, not that I haven't taken pot shots at you over the years.

     So, why am I writing this?

     I refer you to the lead video above. It's the July 11, 2023 edition of Gaetz's "Firebrand" podcast. I'll do you a great favor and tell you to fast forward to exactly 25 minutes in when he starts inveighing, again, on the aforementioned Tara Dublin.

     Tara and I follow each other on Twitter. I'm also followed by celebrities such as Nancy Sinatra and Juliet Landau but, unlike many on Twitter, I don't identify myself by who follows me on social media. Tara's a different matter.

     Because Tara's a fellow traveler.

    Yes, she has a following in excess of well over 100,000 but that's not why I chose to follow her. In fact, I generally refrain from following celebrities because, #1, I'm not impressed by celebrities and, #2, I refuse to give them an opportunity to completely ignore me. But, a quick review of her timeline showed me we are more or less perfectly aligned politically. And her enemies are my enemies.

     That especially goes for Feckless Cunt Zero, Matty Gaetz, aka Captain Venmo.

     And Gaetz crossed the line when he went after Tara not once but at least twice.

    Because on July 11, he broadcast his podcast out of the Rayburn House office building in the US Capitol. He also cross-posted one of his attacks on Dublin on his official Congressional page, which is a clear violation of federal law.

     Over two years ago, he attacked Dublin and put it on Facebook, a sleazy hit job disguised as citizen journalism in which he disparaged her looks.

     But what else cam you expect from the world's most overgrown frat boy?

     Gaetz proves that there's a reason why there are federal laws forbidding government employees such as Gaetz from going after private citizens. Trump has made a living out of punching down at his self-perceived enemies and has been doing so since the Central Park Five. But since 2015, Trump's gone after Gold Star families, congressmen and senators (reserving special venom for black women in power such as Judge Tanya Chutkan, AG Letitia James and Fulton Co. DA Fani Willis).

    He's also infamously ridiculed a handicapped reporter, his own rape victim E. Jean Carroll and anyone in the media who didn't give him the sloppy backstroke he thinks is his due. And, like his spiritual daddy, Matty Gaetz is more sensitive than a skinned clitoris and will think nothing about using his bully pulpit to launch broadsides against his detractors.

     Tara began swinging back when she started receiving, as a result of Gaetz's misgynistic harassment, rape and death threats from his hillbilly supporters. Gaetz knows precisely what he's doing. Like a typical Republican feckless cunt, like Donald Trump, he launches broadsides against people then lets others commit the actual crimes against them, thereby automatically establishing plausible deniability in an effort to keep his filthy hands clean.

     It's the lazy man's way of silencing critics and rape and death threats are all the right wing has.

    But that's not to say Gaetz hasn't committed any crimes. Remember, he records his "Firebrand" podcast from federal property during, presumably, working hours with the intention of making money from that podcast and to malign his so-called enemies. That alone deserves the attention of the House Ethics Committee if not the Department of Justice.

    And, just as a personal aside to Matty: Acting like a quivering, skinned clitoris with an 18" pompadour doesn't make you a "firebrand". It just makes you a scared little boy hiding behind whatever congressional authority and gravitas still inexplicably remains to you after years of pulling stunts designed to get you attention. And all this is done with the nakedly avowed intention of undermining or overthrowing the very government for which you more or less work.

     It just makes you, again, a whiny, feckless cunt who, like Trump before you, never had No said to you and was taught from a young age that wealth and privilege such as you've enjoyed is wholly incompatible with any meaningful comeuppance.