Friday, February 13, 2009

Republicans Are Cocksuckers


If the stimulus bill passed in the House today was a cock, John Boehner would've sucked it. Because, really, that's what Republicans are, suckers o' cock, saying "Fuck You" while wiping their two or three chins of penis butter with torn swatches of the Constitution. They are cocksuckers not in the loving, committed way in which gay men in Provincetown or the Castro practice their cocksuckery but in a brutal, toothy backstroke without saliva kinda way.

176. That's the exact number of pink cigar smokers we have in the House of Representatives, hereafter referred to as Boehner's House O' Boners. Once again, every single Republican marched in lockstep over the sheer cliff face and decided to vote against the $787 billion stimulus measure, as if calling it a "spending" bill was supposed to suddenly wake up all but seven Democrats and make them say, "Holy Stimulus, Batman! Boner's right! It is a spending bill! We weren't supposed to spend a single penny on this fucking bill! Quick, get me a cock to suck!"

It didn't matter that the President of the United States of America stood up earlier this week at his maiden press conference and patiently explained, "Well, duh, of course one has to spend money to make money. Every fucking kid who's ever manned a lemonade stand for an hour can tell you that. Can someone please bitchslap some sense into these cocksucker Republicans the minute they take a cock out of their mouths? We wouldn't want any ripped genitalia..."

And they got just about everything they wanted. They got their tax breaks for upper middle income to wealthy cocksuckers, they got their tax breaks for people who bought motorcycles and ATV's, they got $13 billion freed up for Pentagon contract procurement so they could continue handing out $35 million contracts to outfits like Kellogg, Brown and Root to in turn continue their proud tradition of electrocuting our troops.

Then, to show they still had their groove, the House GOP and all but three Republican senators pushed America on its back and sucked our collective cock then, instead of swallowing, spit the spooge in our faces.

It still hasn't occurred to these cocksuckers that tax cuts don't provide infrastructure renewal. Obviously, they weren't listening a couple of weeks ago when Barney Frank, a true, open, professional cocksucker of the first magnitude, said that he never saw a tax cut that rebuilt a road or a bridge, created a job or educated a child.

And yet, despite the concessions that the Democrats made, trimming billions from school rebuilding and things too infuriating to contemplate, all 176 Republicans to a man dropped down on their scabby knees and proceeded to gnosh the national knob. Because that's all they are. That's all they do. That's all they know. They're cocksuckers and not the kind that smells nice and knows how to tie together a room with a single rug.

9 Comments:

At February 13, 2009 at 8:24 PM, Blogger The Minstrel Boy said...

'bout sums it up yo.

i think the problem that republican cocksuckers have is that they do their cocksucking so furtively. that's why they always end up in public men's rooms, or on the hooker's speedials for diaper duty.

maybe if they could do a tour of ptown with barney they would become a little more relaxed. think about how at the press conference where he came out, lindsay graham would be the only cocksucker in the room surprised. same same with charlie crist (although he's less of a cocksucker in the derogatory sense, he at least had the stones to support the stimulus), we know his new beard, oops! wife won't be surprised...

back.
with venom.

i like it, but then again, i'm a sick fuck.

 
At February 13, 2009 at 9:03 PM, Anonymous Tengrain said...

JP -

An army of Boners. I like that slogan.

Regards,

Tengrain

 
At February 13, 2009 at 9:08 PM, Anonymous sukabi said...

My brother used to say that cocksuckers were good, but you had to look out for the cockbiters...

but boner was at it again... cocksucking and biting... and throwing his usual hissy fits and a supposed copy of the bill on the floor... don't know if he managed to squeeze out any faux tears this time, couldn't watch that long, he's such a repulsive fucker.

 
At February 13, 2009 at 9:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

No repuglican would crossdress, because he'd look to fugly doing it. The other things depicted, are perfectly true, however.

 
At February 13, 2009 at 9:48 PM, Anonymous Artnoize said...

Has the Rude Pundit taken over the JP's blog?
I'm not complaining!
Just sayin',,,,

 
At February 13, 2009 at 10:47 PM, Anonymous Comrade Rutherford said...

Grover Norquist summed it up. I understand why every single Republican in the House followed the orders to vote against it.

Norquist said this bill is what the Republicans are going to use as a weapon against the Democrats for the 2010, 2012 and 2014 elections.

And given that the news media are all controlled by far-right extremists, no truth about the stimulus will ever get out. Even if the stimulus bill is 100% successful and the economy is improving by next fall, the news won't tell us that because it would be bad for the GOP.

 
At February 14, 2009 at 2:27 AM, Anonymous Mutant Of The Monster said...

And they got just about everything they wanted. They got their tax breaks for upper middle income to wealthy cocksuckers, they got their tax breaks for people who bought motorcycles and ATV's, they got $13 billion freed up for Pentagon contract procurement so they could continue handing out $35 million contracts to outfits like Kellogg, Brown and Root to in turn continue their proud tradition of electrocuting our troops.


Ain't that the truth. They'll keep sucking until there's nothing left to suck. Sucking the country until the country is left dry,limp,and depleted of all its resources.

 
At February 14, 2009 at 2:29 PM, Anonymous tw said...

And on top of all this the cocksuckers won't own up to the fact that they're responsible for the deaths of over a million innocent people!

 
At February 15, 2009 at 7:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"... no Repugnican would crossdress..."

My, how we have forgotten Rudy...

 

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

All Time Classics

  • Our Worse Half: The 25 Most Embarrassing States.
  • The Missing Security Tapes From the World Trade Center.
  • It's a Blunderful Life.
  • The Civil War II
  • Sweet Jesus, I Hate America
  • Top Ten Conservative Books
  • I Am Mr. Ed
  • Glenn Beck: Racist, Hate Monger, Comedian
  • The Ten Worst Music Videos of all Time
  • Assclowns of the Week

  • Links to the first 33 Assclowns of the Week.
  • Links to Assclowns of the Week 38-63.
  • #104: Make Racism Great Again Also Labor Day edition
  • #103: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Toilet edition
  • #102: Orange is the New Fat edition
  • #101: Electoral College Dropouts edition
  • #100: Centennial of Silliness edition
  • #99: Dr. Strangehate edition
  • #98: Get Bentghazi edition
  • #97: SNAPping Your Fingers at the Poor edition
  • #96: Treat or Treat, Kiss My Ass edition
  • #95: Monumental Stupidity double-sized edition
  • #94: House of 'Tards edition
  • #93: You Da Bomb! edition.
  • #92: Akin to a Fool edition.
  • #91: Aurora Moronealis edition.
  • #90: Keep Your Gubmint Hands Off My High Pre'mums and Deductibles! edition.
  • #89: Occupy the Catbird Seat/Thanksgiving edition.
  • #88: Heil Hitler edition.
  • #87: Let Sleeping Elephants Lie edition.
  • #86: the Maniacs edition.
  • #85: The Top 50 Assclowns of 2010 edition.
  • #(19)84: Midterm Madness edition.
  • #83: Spill, Baby, Spill! edition.
  • #82: Leave Corporations Alone, They’re People! edition.
  • #81: Hatin' on Haiti edition.
  • #80: Don't Get Your Panties in a Twist edition.
  • #79: Top 50 Assclowns of 2009 edition.
  • #78: Nattering Nabobs of Negativism edition.
  • #77: ...And Justice For Once edition.
  • #76: Reading Tea Leaves/Labor Day edition.
  • #75: Diamond Jubilee/Inaugural Edition
  • #74: Dropping the Crystal Ball Edition
  • #73: The Twelve Assclowns of Christmas Edition
  • #72: Trick or Treat Election Day Edition
  • #71: Grand Theft Autocrats Edition
  • #70: Soulless Corporations and the Politicians Who Love Them Edition
  • Top 10 Things Donald Trump Said to President Obama
  • Paul Ryan's Top Ten Conditions on Running for the Speakership
  • Top 10 Reasons Why Mitt Romney Won't Run for President in 2016
  • Top 10 Results of the NYPD's Work Slowdown
  • Top 10 Secret Service Security Breaches
  • Top 10 LA Radio Shows That Are Rated Higher Than Rush Limbaugh's
  • Top 10 Reasons Operation American Spring Went Flat
  • Top Ten Facts of the MH370 Air Disaster
  • Top 10 Tips for GOP Congressmen Running Against Women
  • Top 10 Signs Walmart's Mistreating its Workers
  • Top 10 Diversions John McCain Found During Syria Hearing
  • Top 10 George Zimmerman Excuses for Speeding.
  • Top 10 Reasons Paula Deen Got Fired by the Food Network
  • Top Ten Ways Pope Francis is Deviating From Convention
  • Top 10 Reasons For the Pope's Resignation
  • Top 10 Emails Hacked From the Bush Family's Email Accounts
  • Top 10 Lies Told by Mitt Romney at the 2nd Debate.
  • Top 10 Examples of How Hard the Campaign Trail is on Ann D. Romney.
  • Top 10 Ways to Tell The Boston Red Sox Are Finished.
  • Top 10 Things Mitt May be Hiding in His Tax Returns.
  • Top 10 Events at the Romney Olympics.
  • Mitt Romney's Top 10 Wild & Crazy Moments.
  • Top Ten Reasons Why Dick Cheney Got a Heart Transplant.
  • Top 10 Facts About Tonight's New England/Denver Game.
  • My Top 10 Resolutions.
  • Top 10 Rejected Slogans of the Romney Campaign.
  • Top 10 Reasons Herman Cain Suspended His Campaign.
  • Top 10 Trending Topics on Twitter During #OWS Eviction.
  • Top 10 Herman Cain Pickup Lines.
  • Top 10 Changes Since Anthony Weiner Decided to Resign.
  • Top 10 Inaccuracies re bin Laden's Death.
  • Top 10 Ways to Prevent a TSA Patdown.
  • Top Ten Things Not to Say When You're Pulled Over.
  • Top 10 Reasons Why Donald Trump Bowed Out of the Presidential Race.
  • Top 10 Ways Evangelicals Will Prepare for the Rapture II.
  • Top 10 Revelations in Today's Parliament Inquiry into News Corp.
  • Top 10 Reasons Why There Was No Vote on the Debt Ceiling Last Night.
  • Top 10 Revelations in Dick Cheney's Upcoming Memoir.
  • Top Ten Ways Americans Will Observe the 10th Anniversary of 9/11.
  • Top Ten Advances in Women's Rights in Saudi Arabia.
  • Top Ten Inaccuracies in Bill O'Reilly's Book About Lincoln.
  • Top Ten Suggestions From the Cat Food Commission.
  • Top Ten Worst Moments in George W. Bush's Presidency.
  • Top Ten Facts in George W. Bush's Memoir.
  • Top Ten Reasons Terry Jones Postponed His Koran Burning
  • Top 10 Causes for Dick Cheney's Congestive Heart Failure
  • Top Ten Ways That Jan Brewer Will Celebrate Cinco de Mayo
  • Top Ten Demands in Sarah Palin's Contract
  • Top Ten Whoppers in Karl Rove's New Book
  • Top 10 Items Left Behind in Rush Limbaugh's Apartment
  • Top Ten Things Barack Obama said to Rush Limbaugh in the Hospital
  • Top Ten Bizarre Promos Offered by the New Jersey Nets
  • Top 10 Bush Executive Orders Labor Wants President Obama to Repeal
  • George W. Bush's Top Ten Lesser Achievements
  • Empire Of The Senseless.
  • Christwire.org: Conservative Values for an Unsaved World.
  • Esquire's Charles Pierce.
  • Brilliant @ Breakfast.
  • The Burning Platform.
  • The Rant.
  • Mock, Paper, Scissors.
  • James Petras.
  • Towle Road.
  • Avedon's Sideshow (the new site).
  • At Largely, Larisa Alexandrovna's place.
  • The Daily Howler.
  • The DCist.
  • Greg Palast.
  • Jon Swift. RIP, Al.
  • God is For Suckers.
  • The Rude Pundit.
  • Driftglass.
  • Newshounds.
  • William Grigg, a great find.
  • Brad Blog.
  • Down With Tyranny!, Howie Klein's blog.
  • Wayne's World. Party time! Excellent!
  • Busted Knuckles, aka Ornery Bastard.
  • Mills River Progressive.
  • Right Wing Watch.
  • Earthbond Misfit.
  • Anosognosia.
  • Echidne of the Snakes.
  • They Gave Us a Republic.
  • The Gawker.
  • Outtake Online, Emmy-winner Charlotte Robinson's site.
  • Skippy, the Bush Kangaroo
  • No More Mr. Nice Blog.
  • Head On Radio Network, Bob Kincaid.
  • Spocko's Brain.
  • Pandagon.
  • Slackivist.
  • WTF Is It Now?
  • No Blood For Hubris.
  • Lydia Cornell, a very smart and accomplished lady.
  • Roger Ailes (the good one.)
  • BlondeSense.
  • The Smirking Chimp.
  • Hammer of the Blogs.
  • Vast Left Wing Conspiracy.
  • Argville.
  • Existentialist Cowboy.
  • The Progressive.
  • The Nation.
  • Mother Jones.
  • Vanity Fair.
  • Salon.com.
  • Citizens For Legitimate Government.
  • News Finder.
  • Indy Media Center.
  • Lexis News.
  • Military Religious Freedom.
  • McClatchy Newspapers.
  • The New Yorker.
  • Bloggingheads TV, political vlogging.
  • Find Articles.com, the next-best thing to Nexis.
  • Altweeklies, for the news you won't get just anywhere.
  • The Smirking Chimp
  • Don Emmerich's Peace Blog
  • Wikileaks.
  • The Peoples' Voice.
  • Dictionary.com.
  • CIA World Fact Book.
  • IP address locator.
  • Tom Tomorrow's hilarious strip.
  • Babelfish, an instant, online translator. I love to translate Ann Coulter's site into German.
  • Newsmeat: Find out who's donating to whom.
  • Wikipedia.
  • Uncyclopedia.
  • anysoldier.com
  • Icasualties
  • Free Press
  • YouTube
  • The Bone Bridge.
  • Powered by Blogger