Republicans Are Cocksuckers

If the stimulus bill passed in the House today was a cock, John Boehner would've sucked it. Because, really, that's what Republicans are, suckers o' cock, saying "Fuck You" while wiping their two or three chins of penis butter with torn swatches of the Constitution. They are cocksuckers not in the loving, committed way in which gay men in Provincetown or the Castro practice their cocksuckery but in a brutal, toothy backstroke without saliva kinda way.

176. That's the exact number of pink cigar smokers we have in the House of Representatives, hereafter referred to as Boehner's House O' Boners. Once again, every single Republican marched in lockstep over the sheer cliff face and decided to vote against the $787 billion stimulus measure, as if calling it a "spending" bill was supposed to suddenly wake up all but seven Democrats and make them say, "Holy Stimulus, Batman! Boner's right! It is a spending bill! We weren't supposed to spend a single penny on this fucking bill! Quick, get me a cock to suck!"

It didn't matter that the President of the United States of America stood up earlier this week at his maiden press conference and patiently explained, "Well, duh, of course one has to spend money to make money. Every fucking kid who's ever manned a lemonade stand for an hour can tell you that. Can someone please bitchslap some sense into these cocksucker Republicans the minute they take a cock out of their mouths? We wouldn't want any ripped genitalia..."

And they got just about everything they wanted. They got their tax breaks for upper middle income to wealthy cocksuckers, they got their tax breaks for people who bought motorcycles and ATV's, they got $13 billion freed up for Pentagon contract procurement so they could continue handing out $35 million contracts to outfits like Kellogg, Brown and Root to in turn continue their proud tradition of electrocuting our troops.

Then, to show they still had their groove, the House GOP and all but three Republican senators pushed America on its back and sucked our collective cock then, instead of swallowing, spit the spooge in our faces.

It still hasn't occurred to these cocksuckers that tax cuts don't provide infrastructure renewal. Obviously, they weren't listening a couple of weeks ago when Barney Frank, a true, open, professional cocksucker of the first magnitude, said that he never saw a tax cut that rebuilt a road or a bridge, created a job or educated a child.

And yet, despite the concessions that the Democrats made, trimming billions from school rebuilding and things too infuriating to contemplate, all 176 Republicans to a man dropped down on their scabby knees and proceeded to gnosh the national knob. Because that's all they are. That's all they do. That's all they know. They're cocksuckers and not the kind that smells nice and knows how to tie together a room with a single rug.