Why I'm Entitled to be on the Supreme Court by Brett Kavanaugh

     Republicans love me. So sue me. (No, I'm not getting angry again. That's a legal joke.) But apparently, since you leftist cocksuckers are too stupid to read the Wall Street Journal and made my op-ed into a national laughingstock, I have to once again clarify my positions.
     But people have accused me of being angry and belligerent during my last confirmation hearing. That's not true. You pinheads obviously don't know the difference between anger and passionate ambition and an intolerance to criticism. Take that liberal cunt Matt Damon from Massachusetts, where fag marriage was first made legal. Is that supposed to be funny? His fucking tie wasn't even purple like mine! And I very rarely have a beer that early in the day.

     But I can't help it if Republicans keep advancing my career. After all, I was working as a lowly law clerk for Justice Kennedy when President George W. Bush promoted me to the federal judiciary. He didn't care if I never litigated a single fucking case. Why should you whiny assholes?
     Sorry, sorry. It's just been a tough summer. My family and I have been mercilessly victimized by a certain party girl whom I never remembered meeting after I had a blackout episode 36 Goddamned years ago!
     OK, sorry again. I just get very passionate when people still try to pin my juvenile behavior on me from almost four decades ago. I mean, just because I ordered a 17 year-old immigrant girl to not get an abortion and that she should live with her decisions as a teenager doesn't mean that applies to men because men can't get knocked up, right? I mean, seriously. Do I have to explain fucking basic biology to you assholes, too, now?
     Sorry, sorry. I'm not angry any more than I'm partisan. After all, this is why I refused to take that polygraph. Not only are they inadmissable in most courts of law, my passion is such that it would've skewed the results and that's all you partisan, liberal cunts would've had to see. "Oh, look, Judge Kavanaugh failed the lie detector! Break out the banana peels and patchouli oil and have a lynching party!"
     Sorry once more. But when a guy bypasses being a lawyer and goes from being a law clerk to a judge, certain expectations are understandably made along the way. And my expectation, and it's quite a reasonable one, is that I should be put on the highest court in the land and get that quarter mil a year plus beaucoup bennies.
     But when I see these women libber elevator screamers, these paid shills for Soros, screaming at the fine senators who voted for me, I just get so frustrated. It's like being at a kegger in your grandparents' house during high school and the little cock tease on the bed won't give you her fucking vagina like she's supposed to then locks herself in the bathroom. I mean, who the fuck wears a fucking one piece bathing suit under a Goddamned dress, right? Talk about sending out mixed signals!
     Oh, I suppose you're going to say that was anger, too, huh? God forbid a man shows any emotion in this pussy-whipped planet. Like Blasey Ford, for instance. Her quavering voice as she recounted her so-called rape attempt (which could've been that liberal saboteur Matt Damon, for all we know). How's that not emotion? Oh, but that's a woman's perogative, they say, like teasing a 17 year-old boy's throbbing cock and retiring to the fucking fainting couch.
     Alright, maybe that was uncalled for, maybe not. But real men can't be real men anymore because of this women's libber #Metoo movement. So I like beer. So I blow off some steam once in a while. Let's litigate the shit out of that, too, while we're at it!
     And these allegations of me being partisan? Look, Bill Clinton lied under oath and that's not the same thing as Trump. 19 women accused Trump of sexual assault and not single one of them has been proven in a court of law. The president understands how I feel about this. We're like-minded in a lot of things and in a lot of ways. There's a lot of credibility at stake and this is no time to pull out before its logical conclusion.
     That would be, well, unmanly.
     God, I fucking hate you all.