Friday, November 23, 2018

Gotham City Digest, post-Thanksgiving Day edition

In which we vow to never impregnate the world with our bastard offspring while wearing garters.

     "You can't go to the hospital, you can't go to school, you can't go to church, you can't go to the grocery store. You cannot go anywhere... You never know when you walk into a place if you'll come out alive.” -Witness to the Mercy Hospital Shooting

     Let's play "Spot the Difference."
     That's called "fairness and balance."

     Anti-bird spikes on trees?! And these 1% asswipes wonder why they're so loathed and reviled. You're rich. Park your fucking Bentleys in your four car garages if you don't want birds shitting on them.

     No ties to Saudi Arabia, eh? This old article about Trump's life-saving ties to, yes, Saudi Arabia answers a lot of questions.

     This is what happens when you don't regulate corporations, starting with enforcing the anti trust laws. They're allowed to amass billions to fight legal battles, get off with a slap on the wrist, if that, and spread dangerous lies that get psychopaths elected president. And Facebook is certainly no exception.

     It's very telling that the zombies on The Walking Dead are evolving much more quickly than Trump supporters.

     More brilliant insight from another right wing dingleberry with a Twitter account. Because California never had forest fires before Election Day.

     No place is safe. Not even a hospital, not even if you're a good guy with a gun.

     When was Matthew Whitaker's appointment as Acting AG ever strong? This guy's the Kingpin.

     And just as Whitaker was installed in the AG's office to protect Trump, Pompeo was basically installed at Foggy Bottom to shield our corrupt allies from any blame. Like murder, for instance.

     What's there not to like about an entity whose corporate HQ lists its address as "1 Hacker Way"?

     Florida Man, the world's worst superhero.

     Fox "News" barnacle David Assman is having projectile defecations about the caravan, which everyone else in the GOP conveniently forgot after Election Day. The only dangerous thing at the border are the 5900 bored troops we have stationed near a Whataburger.

     Apparently, the patriarchy got the sads they didn't get a Google doodle on International Men's Day.

     Tweet o' the day.

     Lock her up. Might I suggest Carswell? That's the only federal maximum security women's prison in the nation.

     Walmart, one of the world's most evil corporations, has withdrawn their support for Cindy Hyde-Smith's campaign. Google hasn't. Let that sink in for a minute.

     Of course, Mrs. Hyde's campaign says liberals "are reaching." Sure they are. They're reaching for racist statements by this KKK bitch and easily finding them.

     I seriously hope Mike Espy kicks her racist, narrow white ass back to Podunk, Mississippi or wherever the fuck she hails from. What the hell's the sense in having a political debate if the press is not allowed to televise it and if the people can't hear what they say?

     Shorter Trump: "Fuck the CIA. The killers denied it, I believe it, that settles it! MAGA!"

     Billionaire oligarch says troops at the southern border don't need to spend Thanksgiving with their families because "they're tough people" just before jetting off to billion-dollar country club to spend Thanksgiving with family. This psychopath needs to go. Now. #HurryupMueller

     Get this pederast predator off the streets, out of schools and in prison where he fucking belongs. Please share this. This man has an extensive track record of abuse.

     I'm surprised Orange Julius Caesar didn't brag about getting bin Laden first since, you know, it rarely rains in Afghanistan.

     Finally, he gets it.

     Headline: "Donald Trump is an accessory to Jamal Khashoggi's murder." Not only that, Trump is the moaning, sobbing bitch for every dictator on the planet earth. And other dictators are keen to notice that, according to one of Khashoggi's Pulitzer prize-winning colleagues at the WaPo.

     Boy, does Mark Zuckerberg have a deal for you. Just 530 cows, three Land Cruisers and $10,000 in cash can buy you a little girl. Since when did Facebook become part of the Dark Web?

     On Facebook, I've actually unfriended some of my Brit followers for supporting to the bitter end that rancid clusterfuck known as Brexit. Now senior accomplices from her own party are denying their support to May and are openly calling for a new Brexit referendum. And if it comes to that, the usual billionaire douchebags who'd funded the first campaign will unpry billions more for propaganda. But the British people, to quote the Who, won't be fooled again. A second referendum will be Brexit's, and May's, figurative death knell.

     Report: Since 9/11, militants have multiplied. Heck of a job Bushie and Barry. No doubt, Trump will try to surpass them both since he's the best at everything.

     This is very cool and inspiring. A bunch of Somali immigrants forced Amazon to the negotiating table, which they refuse to call negotiations and instead rebrand it as a "community outreach." Which is bullshit. If this Amazon sweatshop didn't have 60% Somali workers who don't have a union and a town with a 3.5% unemployment rate, they would've fired them on the spot.

     As giving as I like to be, when I see the glorified beggars of the homophobic Salvation Army, I walk right past them. And this unofficial gag order they've placed on their employees just gives me another reason to put a gag order on my wallet.

     "I'm grateful for the difference I made", Trump tells military commanders. Yes, you read that right. Who did you expect Turkey Zero would be thankful for on Thanksgiving?

     And speaking of which, the transcript of this article reads like the recounting of a fever dream. There's just an extra dimension of otherworldliness in Trump of late that successfully eludes rational analysis. And perhaps that's the point.

     So, to recap, Trump's afraid of:
     Mueller.
     Visiting our troops in war zones.
     Releasing his tax returns.
     Drizzle.
     But he WILL run into a school during a mass shooting.

     Italy, France, the United Kingdom, and Germany staged an Amazon walkout on Black Friday. Not the US. Of course.

     "Head of Russian spy agency accused of US election hack dies." Aka "tying up loose ends."

     I could be wrong but never in my lifetime have I ever heard a sitting president (sic) rebuke a Supreme Court Chief Justice. Never in my lifetime had I ever heard a Supreme Court Chief Justice rebuke a sitting president. This represents a serious fracture between the Executive and Judiciary branches.

     Hopefully, our nation's children will forget this horrible sight of two women expressing love for each other with a kiss when they go back to school on Monday to have their shooter drills and practicing taking on gunmen with sticks and stones. And finally...

     Roger Stone stooge Jerome Corsi is about to flip for Mueller's team. Another Festivus miracle!

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