Why Not Reelect Donald Trump on the Economy?

(By Cyril Blubberpuss, Conservative-American)

Unlike the liberal fathead who runs this blog, I, for one, think Donald Trump, like any rock-ribbed conservative, deserves a second chance. And we can give that to him by re-electing him on November 3rd. Of course, radical, far left wing naysayers like the idiotic proprietor of this blog will say, "Vote him out!" and "Lock him up!" despite there being scant evidence of the president having committed any crimes (As proved beyond a doubt by the evidence- and witness-free impeachment trial in the Senate) and, if one squints hard enough, can almost see a vindication in the Mueller Report.

    But this is about the economy and I'm a money guy. Hell, I took my first steps on Wall Street when I was a four year-old toddler growing up in the 1950s (I had a condition, my leg muscles were too underdeveloped to support my 120 pounds of body mass and demanded mine and Cecil's nanny carry us around wherever we went until we were both practically in kindergarten. She died in 1967, poor thing, of an untreated hernia).

     And, as a money guy who'd made billions off during this pandemic, I can tell you all this economy has never been stronger! (That is, if you refuse to read the liberal propaganda from NPR.). Now, I know what Socialist pinheads like your usual host would say: "He inherited a strong economy from Obama!" Well, that's poppycock and twaddle! as my good friend Rush Limbaugh would say.

     Now, I'll allow there had been a few rough patches along the way until my friends on Wall Street and I got bailed out last spring while bravely forgoing those $1200 stimulus checks that could've funded quite a few kickbacks to certain contractors.and other guys who wear bowling shirts and sit at outdoor cafes in New Jersey while reminiscing about the good old days in the Jersey pine barrens.

     But once we got that bailout that, originally, was erroneously intended for the American worker, we were back on our feet! Hooray for the PPP!

 

     But then the China virus came in from Italy and all bets were off. Three years of gains got wiped out in the blink of an eye because of a wet market in Wuhan and Jackie Chan's sex palace in Hong Kong (And, no, I don't necessarily believe in QAnon conspiracy theories, as I wouldn't let any of those slack-jawed morons scrub my golden toilet. However, my kid brother Cecil wholeheartedly believes in the central tenet of QAnon and is desperately trying to find those little boys who are alleged to be victims of sex abuse, courageous lad.).

      But back to the economy. I say why not vote for a man who's a raging, spittle-flecked economic engine like Donald Trump on the economy? After paying a modest $40,000,000 salary to Brad Parscale, his former campaign manager, and $58,000,000 on lawyers to fend off countless lawsuits filed by fortune hunters and $70,000 for the most gorgeous hair styling in the world that we haven't seen since A Flock of Seagulls, the president then proceeded to lavish hundreds of millions of dollars on the mainstream media that have, in return, repaid his generosity by quoting him in his own words!

     I give you the $10,000,000 he spent on that Super Bowl ad when there were still 20 Democrats in their futile hunt for the White House. And look what eventually happened: All but one of them dropped out! 

     Now, because of his loving, giving generosity in the early going, the president has had his kindness in giving us that 2018 tax cut repaid by Wall Street now turning its collective back on him! Well, I cut the president the maximum allowable donation of $2800 ($2400 of which I demanded two of servants sign over to me when they got their stimulus checks) because I know a winning investment when I see one!

     And if any of my Wall Street buddies are reading this, they, too, had better donate to the guy who blew over a billion dollars bloating the lamestream media and, thanks to them, is now lagging in the polls nationally and in virtually every other state!