Open Letter to the Jehovah's Witless

November 30, 2018
Dennis:

I believe this belongs to you. It was dropped in my mailbox with all the careless forethought that a dog gives when it randomly deposits a turd on a stranger’s lawn.

Try, if you can, although I doubt your powers of empathy are that all-inclusive, how I now feel at having my mailbox and home invaded by an odious rump cult that commands people, through various Kingdoms, to do its bidding when I had neither recognized nor encouraged in the slightest said odious, rump cult.

Indeed, when one but casually observes the world’s major religions, one never sees the Jews fanning out throughout neighborhoods and waylaying people, often on weekends when they’re trying to sleep in, with the breathtakingly audacious intent of proselytization. Neither do you see Hindus, Buddhists, Muslims, Wiccans or even the equally odious, pedophile-enabling Roman Catholic Church attempt to impose their religious beliefs on others. One such missionary recently lost his life trying to convert a prehistoric tribe in Brazil.

Imagine, therefore, getting a piece of propaganda in the mail from a Satanic cult. They send you a pamphlet extolling the virtues of blood-letting in their supposed rituals and other sanguine aspects that you Jehovah’s Witless cultists find abhorrent. Imagine getting something from the Red Cross imploring you to give blood the next time one of their bloodmobiles is in Northborough. Well, that is how we atheists and other people who’ve already spent enough time on this earth to firmly make up our minds regarding to which religion, if any, we will devote our lives regard such intrusions. And this brings me back to my first point.

It is hateful Protestant denominations such as yours that aren’t even the usual but the sole suspects in your bottomlessly creepy campaign to dominate the world with your cult. Only so-called Christians of the various Protestant denominations have the gall to try imposing their razor-narrow world view on others. Whether it be you people, the Goddamned Mormons or any of an ever fragmenting Protestant base, you all seek to do one thing- Control peoples’ lives and to weed out, shun, shame and exclude all those who reside beyond your comfort zones.

That includes the LGBT community, women who exert control over their own bodies, those placing their trust in science and not fairy tales or others who commit the unpardonable sin of living their lives in supposed violation of your right wing, paternalistic dogma. In other words, people who have the intelligence, healthy skepticism and presence of mind necessary to question or to outright reject the very orthodoxy to which you’re brazenly trying to convert people.

Again, the Catholics, even though I’d rightly shunned them since childhood, do not proselytize door to door and they have over a billion faithful. The Hindus have at least a billion and a half faithful and they do not proselytize door to door. There are upwards of two billion Buddhists and they do not proselytize door to door. There are upwards of a billion Muslims and they do not proselytize door to door. There are hundreds of thousands of Jews and they do not proselytize door to door.

Only you Protestant, cultist assclowns who think they have better ideas of how people should live their lives and what morality (yours) by which they should abide are audacious and arrogant enough to knock on peoples’ doors early in the morning before they’d had their coffee in the interests of changing their worldview and those on the afterlife. Even the Universalist Unitarians, a refreshingly secular denomination, do not proselytize door to door.

So in the future, do not knock on mine (how you got my street address is creepy enough but please lose it- Immediately) or mail me more propaganda. Otherwise if you do, it will be a bloody good show for the internet and I know how averse you are to blood-letting.